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Fri, May 18, 2012 7:14:12 AM
"Robert?", Luna asked.
"Yes?", I replied.
"I'm thinking about starting a novel, maybe a kind of memoir," she continued, "and was hoping you might help me."
"I think I might be over committed already, but I'd be happy to read what you come up with."
"Yeah, see, part of why I was asking, I got this idea that it could be fun to write about a guy who has involuntary inter-dimensional flashes. Locally he just goes invisible intermittently, while subjectively he's sliding through n-space during those times. I wanted to put him in a 21st Century metropolitan courthouse as the backdrop. Seems a pretty good venue for a wide array of regular, one-off, and occasional characters, no?"
"Sure," I answered. "Think like Grisham and it practically writes itself, right?"
"Grisham?"
"My bad. 20th/21st century author specializing in legal thrillers. Might be good for you to look at a few of his. Maybe with a side of Dickens."
"Ooh, yeah, Dickens. I bet 'The Pickwick Papers' would be a great scaffold to build on."
"You could do worse," I agreed.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Thu May 17 07:02:03 PDT 2012
Configuring hand-me-down box for consulting gig. Both skype and thunderbird giving me fits. Plugging away...
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Wed, May 16, 2012 7:12:33 AM
I continue to suffer from too many options, none of which are particularly lucrative in the framework of any clear timeline, any of which could arguably be in time jockeyed into something sustaining and sustainable. I've a handful of web domains, each representing a different potential project, none clearly being better suited than the others for attracting more retainers. So I spin.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Wed, May 16, 2012 7:00:35 AM
Twitted yesterday, "How micro is my blog?" It only just barely maybe qualifies to keep my blog streak in play, but I'd have been happier putting a real post up here. I'm counting it, but just barely.
Still looking for my balance.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Mon, May 14, 2012 5:47:50 PM
Syd countered, "No, you're absolutely right in that respect. My only real beef with Wilson (Bob, not Bill) is he never let anyone in on the real reason for the two-three fetishists."
Young Harshaw nodded. "Exactly. For all he was pretending to show the hand of the 21st Century Masons he was pretty much just dodging 5150s, in the jargon of the day. 23 triggers a circuit only completed after comfort with exponential grids is acheived."
Everyone pretty much agreed, "Om, 108".
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sun May 13 20:11:16 PDT 2012
Still in the doghouse with Mum. Still up at four tomorrow so can't dwell on it. Happy Mother's Day anyway to you and yours.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat, May 12, 2012 5:20:57 AM
advance, advance, advance, advance, advance
retreat, retreat, retreat, retreat, retreat
advance, advance, advance, advance, advance
retreat, retreat, retreat, retreat, retreatadvance, retreat, advance, retreat, advance
retreat, advance, retreat, advance, retreat
advance, retreat, advance, retreat, advance
retreat, advance, retreat, advance, retreatadvance, advance, advance, retreat, retreat
retreat, retreat, retreat, advance, advance
retreat, retreat, retreat, advance, advance
advance, advance, advance, retreat, retreatretreatretreatretreatretreatretreat
advanceadvanceadvanceadvanceadvance
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat, May 12, 2012 5:07:56 AM
"I know it seems a simple thing," I told Luna, "but if you combine your fencing footwork drills with, say, sonnet rhythm drills, you will find your sonnets flow much more freely."
"You're right. I run across that idea tomorrow coming up to an assignment back in Sigismundo's story. I willwas checking on Sigismundo's fencing coach, Tennone, in preparation for last year's run on Rufo's "Eater of Souls" (and I'll never understand how those two got hooked up). It's a comfort, having a pattern, of course, but I find myself shrinking from it too, knowing how easily patterns are abused."
"Ah," I replied, "I've encountered that before. It's a big thing, the difference between seeking the formless forms because you are afraid of form's traps and seeking it because you have moved beyond the forms. All the more reason for you to embrace and enfold the iambic pentameter. If it helps, you can include a little meditation on the pentacular method of tesseract. I've always favored the Dodgson method, but there's a reason the universe offers us options. Just remember how afraid some of the pre-hnovis primates respond to that shape and you will be fine."
"Yes, you're right. I guess it's sonnet time", Luna said, and was out the door with a peck on my cheek and a salute with her eyes.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat, May 12, 2012 5:06:30 AM
Am to see the bloody thing today. "The Avengers", that is. After waiting for it all year and more, it's taken me a week to actually get out to see it. Feh.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Fri, May 11, 2012 3:47:02 PM
Signature Mini turns out not to be dead. Am in the midst of copying its contents to this machine. Much rejoicing.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Thu, May 10, 2012 5:53:11 PM
Ahem. One. More tomorrow.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Mon, May 07, 2012 6:29:27 AM
Haven't seen the Avengers. Haven't blogged since Friday. Have now blogged for day. Set the counter to 1.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Fri, May 04, 2012 8:31:23 PM
Also not seeing the Avengers tonight. But have ascertained that iambic pentameter rocks for fencing footwork.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Thu, May 03, 2012 9:41:39 PM
Not seeing the Avengers tonight.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Wed, May 02, 2012 5:53:26 AM
Anxious to tag the bag while I can, so here I am. If a blog is a log on the web, then I have logged in for the day. Might be all I get, but I'm hoping for more and something of substance later. But sometimes quantity is the quality that counts.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Tue, May 01, 2012 4:04:50 AM
Happy May Day.
"One of the last holdouts was known as 'The United States'", Luna recited. "This was a collective of non-nations bound together under a constituting document that purported to make of them a single nation. While May first came to be a day of celebrating workers throughout most of those parts of Old Terra which had at that time industrialized sufficiently to recognize the value of such workers, 'the' US shunned this celebration, preferring its own version several months later. This, in turn, was an after effect of a silly contretemps between two social movements of the 20th century, two different answers to industrialism. The first was championed by groups whose revolutions had thrown off local monarchies of long standing. The second, which took root in the United States, was championed by people whose only reason for being in that geographical location was colonialism, that is to say, commerce. Both strains prided themselves on 'revolutionary' action against their former power structures, but this latter group, through quirks of history more than any other reason, went to great lengths to distance itself from revolutions of non-colonials. So while the rest of the world celebrated May 1st, the official stance of the United States was that "May Day" celebrations were a sign of evil in the land (that evil was called 'communism' or 'socialism') and instead a post-harvest date was celebrated and called 'Labor Day'."
Have to remember to be just wrong enough in these answers, Luna reminded herself. That's probably been my hardest adjustment since joining the Corps, remembering to only "know" what the temporolocals "know".
And I say this, to you, Fair Luna, it is ever the same for all, to know what we are supposed to, no more, no less, as the priests and chieftains of the day command.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Mon Apr 30 07:13:40 PDT 2012
I only thought I was frustrated Saturday. Now I'm really bugged. I missed my blog time yesterday. First time in how many days? Doesn't really matter. Counter resets to 1. Let's see where it stand come Summer (20120620:16:09 PDT).
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat Apr 28 05:29:04 PDT 2012
Frustrated.
On the way in to Whole Foods yesterday I heard an early thirty-something mom talking to her five or six year old son. It was the most amazing bit of over-adulting I've heard since my mom taught me the basics of Transactional Analysis in the mornings before second grade. I think it might have been better for the poor kid to have a proper tantrum. It makes me think of a Ram Dass observation, shared the one time I saw him, way back in the late 80s. Ram Dass's comment was that all the tweens he encountered meditating and renouncing the world should probably be living life, having kids, getting married and saving the spiritual pursuits for their later years. It was real blasphemy, but it was also a frank acknowledgment that there are cycles to which the organism is fitted and one tampers with them at one's peril. No matter the advantage there are opportunity costs with every choice.
I have made some choices, to be sure, and others have been thrust on me. On review I suppose my choices tend to be no worse than most, probably better than most, but either way I'm still not out of the hole I dug myself with Terry. Just when I thought I would finally get out of that hole things wen to shit with Gabby. That has set me back a bit, although not as much as it could have. I suppose I should be thankful, but mostly this morning I am frustrated.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Fri Apr 27 20:28:05 PDT 2012
Maybe that should be NO2?
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Thu, Apr 26, 2012 7:30:28 PM
"So, Ms. Simone," he said, "there is this one little problem with your record. Although you received truly stellar grades, and in a discipline as difficult as n-dimensional geometry, there is this one disciplinary incident about which I have to ask. It says here you rigged a nano-level 3-dimensional printer to produce ancient proscribed psyhoactive chemicals. What can you tell me about that incident?"
Luna fidgeted in her seat.
"Well, sir, it was something of a lark. I had been looking at early 21st century graphics formats, and ran across a stockpile of chemical images, and couldn't resist the temptation to prove current feed tech allowed for easy manufacture of same. There really isn't any other reason considering how far psychopharmacology has come since then, but the C20H25N30 molecule was truly an amazing advance for its time, and arguably is the inspiration for the discovery of the molecular analysis of DNA."
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Wed Apr 25 14:01:53 PDT 2012
It occurs to me that in addition to a boat load of image files, the memories of my time with Gabby, there were writing bits going back to the mid-90s on the back up that recently died. Part of me thinks it might be better to treat it like a volitional burning of my notebooks. Other parts dissent. I sometimes wish I were differently integrated with respect to such matters.
WWLD?
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Tue, Apr 24, 2012 6:40:56 PM
Thinking about making ceviche. Yum. Might have to buy some Tecate and Clamato to go with it. Just as soon as the storms pass and the warm weather returns.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Mon, Apr 23, 2012 6:01:37 PM
Very disappointed. Will have to return the Lenovo tablet. Looking at the skype message boards I see that it has been a known issue for months, affects video conf/chat on more than just skype, and there is no reliable fix in sight. All the more bummed as I reallly like the size and was prepared to speak well of Lenovo, they having once upon a time been a primary provider of linux-off-the-shelf boxes.
As if it really mattered. There's a reason I've been attached to my little netbook. She works. ;)
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sun, Apr 22, 2012 7:03:07 PM
"Look at it this way," Luna said to me, "it's kindof like chess. Classical opening theory tells us occupying the center and controlling it is the key to the opening. But the hypermoderns, like the Grob, suggest that influencing it without actually putting one's pieces into the center is better. Likewise, my story is discontinuous. You know how some folks chide Heinlein for gaps in the narrative? Well, my story has more gaps than narrative. It might not even be a story."
I agreed. "Sure. I get it. I mean, Spider talks about chasing his characters up a tall tree then figuring out how to get them down. I thought about having you die in a flash of illumination which might have been an atomic blast but might have been a particularly good orgasm, but I shy away from killing, even in fiction. I mean, if I give any credance to this n-dimensional stuff, or even if I'm just feeling 'as you bind on Earth', well, it might just be the case that I really am causing grief and suffering in some other universe. Better I keep such to my self. Bad enough each 'Om' recreates the entirety of existence, including all the rapes and murders and child molestations."
"I dig it," she replied, "and I appreciate it. I'd just as soon you not make any money and I not have any more schrecklichkeit than absolutely necessary."
It was nice to know she gets me.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sun, Apr 22, 2012 7:01:24 PM
Been fighting with a Lenovo A1-07 Ideapad, trying to get skype or some other video chat to work. The camera insists on zooming in so that folks see my lips, nose, and maybe one eye, even with my arm stretched to its fullest. Probably going to have to return it. Very bummed.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat, Apr 21, 2012 4:02:00 PM
Dufus that I am, I forgot that I had updated from a machine other than arwen, and so clobbered a couple days of posts. They were downers anyway, no one will miss them. I know I won't.
Hope everyone is having a great Earth Day. It's also Goob's birthday, one of my favorite dragon-ladies. We'll be at Dave and Buster's tonight, shooting zombies in celebration. (Seems an apt place to find zombies.)
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Fri Apr 20 06:39:09 PDT 2012
"Fan-fic?," Luna asked. "Really? I thought you were experimenting in the manner of Wilson and Heinlein with an emphasis on alternate universes and N-dimensional narrative."
"That's what I had in mind," I told her, "but it was brought to my attention there were other labels that might apply."
"And that's why you've been neglecting me? Jeez, "map-territory-distinction-failure much?"
I resolved to do better by her.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Mon Apr 16 22:42:42 PDT 2012
Frogs holding choir practice in the garden below the window where I work tonight. Way past my bedtime, especially with a 4:30 wake up this morning. But I persist, grateful for their song. I just hope they're not calling Garko
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sun Apr 15 11:56:36 PDT 2012
Hope your day isn't too taxing.
Shameless, I know.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Sat Apr 14 07:46:18 PDT 2012
Good morning, world. Looks to be a lovely day out there, but I will be sweating over a hot micro-processor, working on legal docs for my numero uno legal mentor. No details, that's part of the business, discretion. Where as a therapy oriented person I have made great use of candor my new role as a properly qualified and credentialed attorney requires knowing when to keep my mouth shut, when to let others carry on with their erroneous assumptions, when information is and isn't truly "need to know". Where therapy assumes secrets are a prime source of dysfunction, my new role actively requires me to keep my clients' secrets even at peril to myself.
What law and therapy share is duty. As a therapy-worker (so conscious not to portray myself as having practiced medicine or anything else regulated, but that's another story) the client's well-being is the focus of all activity. As a lawyer the client's interests are the focus. To the extent these are not identical sets, they certainly have vast areas of overlap. And I continue to think, quixotically if you like, that my lifelong focus on well being will rarely if ever conflict with a focus on interests.
At all times "Do no harm" holds sway. I rely in all my roles on the delightful story about Rabbi Hillel, standing on one foot, saying, "What is hateful to thee do not do to another." After ruling out the myriad acts prohibited by such rules I try to leave things better than I found them, to brighten the corner where I live. This is true no less as a lawyer than in any other hat I've ever worn, and I feel especially blessed today to be that person.
Enough of that. Time to get to work. Hope your day is delightful.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Fri Apr 13 16:27:44 PDT 2012
"Mama taught me that all things have potential for what I might think of as good or bad, but that some things have had so much bad taken from them that the savvy person can easily tap into the unexploited good. I will cross the street to get my path to cross a black cat's, for example, and, of course, I look forward to each and every Friday the 13th.", she said, but I couldn't help thinking what Luna really meant was that I should ease up and count my blessings each and every day regardless prevailing superstitions. Seemed like sound advice.
give me money at your peril
waaugh
Wed Apr 11 12:31:38 PDT 2012
Early morning rains left a cloud studded sky. Took a nice pic of a red crane against blue sky and white clouds. Hope it comes out. Not much new to report, just trying to keep afloat vis a vis my to do list.
waaugh
Mon Apr 9 16:37:06 PDT 2012
Happy Monday, world. It's a lovely post-Easter Monday here in SoCal. Meatspace keeping me busy. Still haven't even taken time to restore my "at your peril" posts. Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to say at the moment, save that I wish I was working more on Networking Liberally, but that will have to wait for later this week or early next due to obligations recently assumed. No complaints, just adjusting to yet another sea change. More soon.
waaugh
Sun Apr 8 20:03:14 PDT 2012
Happy Easter. 'Nuff said.
waaugh
Sat Apr 7 05:29:51 PDT 2012
Could it be that the development of foveal and peripheral vision was in response to the difference between, say, the contrast situation of the day, where in we must screen out the Sun, and the night, when we seek the tiniest sliver of a crescent to help guide our way?
On a makeshift standing desk, more like a lecturn of boxes, looking at the setting moon over Pasadena. Coffee, computer, hope, it's not nothing.
Looks like the next couple of weeks will find me at the Metropolitan Courthouse in L.A., overseeing staff changes first, then helping continue to fine tune certain compliance matters. It's a good gig, one that not everyone would have been able to take. It puts me in a major courthouse, and not some high-falutin' federal or appeals court. This is the traffic court, and, baby, it sees all kinds. This is a working man's court, the folks who get tickets and can't afford to have someone like me fix it for them, those folks come to this building in seemingly endless droves to pay for speeding or failing to signal or some such. I have been cast quite loose from the common man of my own land for quite some time, and I have enjoyed my respite. But it makes me feel better to be among the real people, the people who make up the vast majority of this world, barely numerate, barely literate, largely incapable of simple, clear logic. "If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter." Today it would be vain. I'm working on it.
And now the sun is beginning to come up somewhere behind me, and the sky into which la bella Luna continues to sink is lightening ever so slightly, the scant few stars not already drowned out by the ample terrestrial light retreating nonetheless before the approach of el Sol.
waaugh
Fri Apr 6 07:25:12 PDT 2012
Hiring a cashier/customer service type for the courthouse by L.A. Trade Tech http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/fbh/2943352598.html
waaugh
Fri Apr 6 06:28:30 PDT 2012
Another sea change, but that's ok, I'm rolling with it. Not sure when I'll have a free moment later and wanted to drop in a line while I could. And now I have.
waaugh
Tue Apr 3 14:42:41 PDT 2012
Here's the screengrab. Notice the nice Deodato in the background, courtesy of wikipedia!
Might have to clip that image...let's see what we see.
waaugh
Tue Apr 3 13:39:29 PDT 2012
Wild with excitement, actually ecstatic. http://networking-liberally.com, http://networking-liberally.com/node/1, and http://networking-liberally.com/node/2 took the numbers one, two, and three spots on a google search! First it was on lynx, and I thought maybe it was 'cause of the headers or something, so I tried it via a friend over by the Greek, and as far as I can tell, so long as you go in by the front door at http://www.google.com and search for the words networking liberally we should still be on top. Makes my day, eh?
owaaugh
Mon Apr 2 10:49:19 PDT 2012
'Bout then Luna realized, photography is a stochastic sport like any other shooting, but Dodgson was on the leading edge of the tech --- and --- had a tesseract. Luna meditated on the ramifications.
waaugh
Mon Apr 2 09:21:15 PDT 2012
Nothin' funny about yesterday's unplanned homage to Smullyan, but at least I didn't fart in Cogling or Coco like a couple years ago. Sheesh.
I did manage to publish, but no bleg button. Check it out here. (You did verify that before clicking or hovering, didn't you?
Meanwhile digging my man cave I can work from. Don't think I get Pavlov treatment until noon. Time for social media (email, micro-blogging, whatever doesn't require a DMV record)
Two prospective clients, and in passion areas that should nonetheless pay off to my landlord and various blessed tax collectors. Meanwhile, I'm wary of strong drink (and pissing off the Heinlein estate). Probably can't put pro-bono stuff in my paralegal's plate unless I can actually invoice her. Heck, I know for certain she does not yet have a decent printer in that hong.
Still doing immersion imprinting, and still way too martial in all areas away from the keyboard, pondering why I do love my loopholes. Still wishing I had time to track the names from "no Java in nuclear controls" to "no inherently dangerous acts", the former, to my eye, being a clear statement even if oudated by centuries of technology one can obey in spirit and letter, the latter to be haggled over endlessly. The problem with any regulation of my trade is that to regulate it at all is like regulating Pi to equal 3. We are hagglers and loophole wigglers and if we're good at it we are the smiling worm in someone's apple telling 'em they whole trey is tasty good and let me be.
Just remembered this thing has a bleg button on it. Gonna go play elsewhere for a bit. Ciao!
waaugh
Sat Mar 31 14:49:36 PDT 2012
Happy Birthday, Circe Link
Meanwhile, waiting on a ringback that'll stop two of us from breaking shabbat...
I don't fucking roll on sabbath!
-- The Bowler avec le piece en la Abiding Dude flick
Shalom!
waaugh
Just for the moment I gotta turn off my bleg to bleg for another, and there be none better than Rusty at soma.fm. Drop on over to http://soma.fm and give 'em a shekel or twenty. Ok!!
waaugh
Fri Mar 30 09:19:39 PDT 2012
Separation anxiety abounds. Treatment? "Crouching Tiger", Mandarin audio track, French subtitles. Immersion. Trying to fill the stream, knowing my tendency to be too open.
It's a much better movie than I think folks gave it credit for, and I think the French subtitles support the point.
waaugh
Thu Mar 29 11:35:57 PDT 2012
Luna thought' "By the Muslim hospitality taught me by my Uncle Stinky, how could I do aught else?"
Me, I think Luna needs to get laid pretty quick here if we're gonna keep the B. Wilson fans.
waaugh
Thu Mar 29 07:03:24 PDT 2012
As you can see, I am in need of a drawging tablet, compatible with arwen. For free.
Back to meatspace.
waaugh
Wed Mar 28 16:19:46 PDT 2012
Because a picture is worth a thousand puffs of pink smoke over the Vatican:
waaugh
Tue Mar 27 14:16:04 PDT 2012
Was going to rely on the SQL tutorial at the venerable W3 Schools, but they are teaching an m$ variant not requiring semi-colons. It's a hang-up of mine, but I think it matters. So off I go looking for a better SQL tut, probably a MySQL-centric one as that will best mesh with the Legal Info db. I'd still like to be able to run that locally.
waaugh
Tue Mar 27 13:08:57 PDT 2012
Still playing catch-up much more than I care, but am turning ot SQL for diversion and hoping to properly reach a "time well earned" conclusion.
waaugh
Mon Mar 26 15:34:17 PDT 2012
Sent my I&E to Gabby's lawyer today. Still playing catch-up here and there.
waaugh
Sun Mar 25 10:46:38 PDT 2012
Looks like I made a fortnight on the last run. I counted 14 days of posts, some with multiples. A good start. I'm sure I can beat it. And I'm sure it's one more spot of consistency that can only help me in my other areas. Life is so topsy-turvy in so many ways, even something as simple as a daily blogging habit is a stabilizing factor.
Wisteria festival today in Sierra Madre. Went walk-about with my phone camera for about an hour. Storm clouds make for nice sunrise, and I enjoy seeing the set up prior to the crowds arriving. After about an hour of taking silly snap shots I settled in at *$, where I learned my old co-worker is now store manager for this location. Turns out today is her last day for a while as she is taking leave for her pregnancy. Can't help wondering if she's still with Gabby's ex, Cory. Might have to duck back over there later and congratulate her.
waaugh
Sat Mar 24 18:13:57 PDT 2012
It was a nice run, but I muffed it yesterday. I could have blogged, should have at least put up a "no time, busy in meatspace" post. But no, I broke the chain. Tres bummed. But nothing for it except to reset the clock and start counting again.
One...
waaugh
Thu Mar 22 15:46:54 PDT 2012
Luna interjected, "It's really not what you think. For instance, despite being a fairly in-touch dude in plenty of other areas, Heinlein seemed to think the epitome of womanhood was not having periods.
What he misses is that men, males, victims of y-chromosome poisoning, despite their self-proclaimed dominance, are spare parts. We don't need guys nearly as much as guys need us. So, we, women, being the more precious commodity, if our system includes one week in four of worrying about red smelly liquids issuing forth from our coochies, well, then that's part of what it means to be the important or superior sex. Systems, social, governmental, etc, which cannot account for a known and predictable element of this nature, including the mood swings and all the rest, a system which requires its functionaries to approach life like the spare parts do, well, it's no wonder such a society continues headlong to replace those spare parts with actual machines rather than mere wannabes.
Meanwhile, we women go on, bleeding every so often, or not, making babies, or not, being what we are, and learning a lot more about adversity and reality than most boys will ever be able to handle."
Stinky wisely let the matter drop. "So, how are your n-dimensional studies coming?"
waaugh
Wed Mar 21 11:11:53 PDT 2012
Doing a spot of spec work for my number one mentor, lunch is about ready, catching up on my social media, thinking that 17 years since my first web page is not nothing. Almost had an appearance gig today, quite bummed it evaporated.
Right side of the daisies and I guess I shouldn't whine.
waaugh
Tue Mar 20 08:47:43 PDT 2012
Spring sprung last night at 22:14 local. No big observances this time around, just up out of bed for an extra set of beads. Hard to believe six months ago I thought I had finally arrived: New home, things going well in therapy with GP, work prospects looking better. Now? Well, I'm better off than I was six months after things went to shit with Terry, better than I was in June 2001, but, really, I hadn't expected to be using that as a touchstone any longer. I wonder if she regrets for a second what she's done to us. Probably not. I'm sure she sees it all as my problem, my fault.
Mostly I try to engage thought blocking when that kind of stuff comes to mind.
Dreamed I heard Rumi calling for me, a semi-lucid drean in which I eventually realized Rumi's not mine anymore.
waaugh
Mon Mar 19 06:29:08 PDT 2012
I've lost count: Have I made it to seven in a row yet? I'll have to take a look. I hope so. It would be a nice accomplishment. Yes, I've been laid so low that just getting seven blog posts in a row would be a step up from where I've been.
Worried about money, worried about work, worried 'cause I haven't enough of either to do me much good. Struggling with this odd thing I've heard myself say a fair few times, that I am not allowed to pray for money or work or anything in particular, only right action. It's similar to my view that any chant other than "Om" is essentially degenerate. Om is the straight dope, recreating the entire universe, good, bad, and indifferent, where other chants shy from that responsibility and completeness to serve shorter, smaller, more human ends.
So what would be so bad about me giving over to those shorter, smaller, more human ends? Am I not human, short of life, small in scope and power like any other? Why am I forbidden to ask for things on my own scale?
No good answer to that. But it's not how I was raised, and, worse, such small goals are insupportable given my education and analysis. Right action is, well, right action. Specific requests may or may not fit with right action, in which case such requests rightly should give way to right action. That being the case, why bother even phrasing such requests? Sure, many folks teach a system of making such requests but with a disclaimer or caveat favoring right action where any conflict might arise, but that seems plain sloppy to me, lazy. Better just to ask for right action and look to see where my wants, desires, abilities might arguably fit.
Fine and good, but my free ride won't last forever. I need work, income, money to pay my bills and take care of my business. I have long considered the lily, which, while it toils not, also doesn't have to keep a roof over its head nor food in its belly, not to mention which that carpenter's kid failed to mention that the lily only gets away with not toiling because it is where it is and the ground and water table and light and all the rest. So, much as I hate to say it, that particular metaphor doesn't really apply. I am not a lily, or if I am, then I might ask myself what there will be for me to do when the season passes, the water is gone, the gentle Spring passes into harsh Summer.
Enough of that for now. Time to get on with the day. One last thought to share, the one that brought me to the keyboard this morning after my I Ching casting: The Karcher I Ching book defines Chun Tzu as:
Ideal of a person who uses divination to order life in accordance with tao rather than willful intention.
It is this spirit more than any other I wish to capture in my own work with the I Ching. Not fortune telling, not mystery solving, but more a spiritual training, a yoga, in which one endeavors to open to the realities of the energies and dynamic nature of the moment, the better to act in accord with them, ever in search of right action.
Soon it will change.
waaugh
Sun Mar 18 11:38:13 PDT 2012
This kind of stuff really shouldn't still be happening:
A couple of days ago, an image of a bumper sticker went viral on the Internet that demonstrates the depth of depravity and racial bigotry rampant among right-wing malcontents who cannot countenance the thought of an African American in the White House. The bumper sticker said, “Don’t Re-Nig in 2012” and contained the circle-and-line-through-it symbol superimposed over President Obama’s campaign logo. There are several sites selling the racist bumper sticker and other items with the slogan and promotion reading; “Show the world how you feel! (but be careful, you may hurt someone’s feelings).” There are no words to describe the despicable promotion of racial hatred for the President of the United States and it is unconscionable that naked racism has become part of conservative political strategy. However, based on the stunning racist comments of Willard Romney, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich, the Republicans’ bigotry is a deliberate ploy to appeal to racists who would exterminate African Americans if they were given the opportunity. In Florida two weeks ago, a white man did exterminate an African American boy for no other reason than his race.
And, of course, the bumper sticker in question: 
waaugh
Sun Mar 18 10:32:54 PDT 2012
Binging on social media, with twitter, facebook, brainstorms, g+, and email all open at the same time. I've re-followed dozens of folks I un-followed last Summer. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It's a clear sign of some increased sense of security in my world.
Hope your green beer day didn't leave you with too bad a hangover.
waaugh
Sat Mar 17 20:46:44 PDT 2012
Prepped my I&E. Summary disso doesn't call for S&A. And I realize part of why it's been such a head spinner doing so simnple a task is it seems just plain wrong for me to be filling it out when I haven't a case number or courthouse. No matter, I'll submit it as is and let her attorney, whom she is vasly overpaying for a summary disso, earn his fees.
What a drag.
Happy St. Patty's day.
waaugh
Sat Mar 17 09:20:39 PDT 2012
Rainy, big time, with honest-to-gosh severe weather advisories in place. Wish I had a camera suitable to the task of letting you see out my window, as it truly is an amazing view, picturesque in the best sense, with barely visible white silver lines of raindrops giving an almost engraved look to the scene. Maybe I should practice nature writing, because I realize I am not up to the task and I wish you, whoever you are, could enjoy this with me.
Got a nice little bit of legal work on spec, which, believe me, is better than sitting around on my hands all day. I'll put in a little time on it this weekend and will get further instructions come Monday.
Really need to get on that I&E/S&A stuff for the disso. And it's tax season. Trying to keep morale up, to flow with things as they are, waiting for my chance to steer things ever closer to what I would like them to be. "You're gonna kick off before you even get half-way through..."
waaugh
Fri Mar 16 19:21:18 PDT 2012
Odd day. Got told, "Screw you" at my peace group. Was on hand for a friend's good news at the end of the business week. Still struggling. Still struggling.
waaugh
Thu Mar 15 17:37:02 PDT 2012
New phone, LG VX9200env3, which means about three years behind the cool kids, even accounting for being dufus enough to stay with a feature phone instead of a "smart" phone. I don't need to spend $30/mo to always have imdb handy, and, let's face it, that's what I'd use it for, imdb, wikipedia, etc. No, I can waith until I'm near a wifi access point and have a real computer handy. But I needed the new phone, mostly because I really got hooked on the camera features and my old phone's camera buttons were bust.
No luck getting bitpim on the #! box just yet. Might poke around with it more later...or even run an rpm based distro from usb just for the hell of it. Looks like bitpim was compiled on a centos system...
waaugh
Wed Mar 14 07:32:14 PDT 2012
That last entry sat on the terminal waiting for an upload and technically almost became today's first post. Not that I think anyone's really keeping track.
Thinking about Korzybski and e-prime, wondering if they really only seek to avoid the is-of-identity/equating-is or perhaps also the is-of-existence. If the latter I simply don't know how to find a way to get there. How could any language fail to take for granted the subject matter of that language. Anyway, I know the book, "To Be or Not: An E-Prime Anthology", fails the latter. I'm not sure how well they do with the former. I think much more useful than getting caught up on revising this or that map is a solid reminder that maps aren't magic, they're just maps, with only an arbitrary or perhaps stochastic if one is lucky relationship to any territory.
waaugh
Tue Mar 13 17:54:18 PDT 2012
Compliments of Cory, duh:
A number of large, readily-available lists such as movie and book titles prove ective in guessing attacks, suggesting that passphrases are vulnerable to dictionary attacks like all schemes involving human choice.
(emphases added)
The take away is right there in the abstract: All schemes involving human choice are vulnerable to dictionary attack. Why does this make itch that part of my brain regaled so often in my youth with promises of social and financial success if only I will improve my vocabulary. There's something here about Shannon's theory of information and redundancy in a system rather than in a transmission.
waaugh
Tue Mar 13 09:42:18 PDT 2012
I've got a call out to ensure the check in question has in fact cleared, after which I will call the California Bar and ask for clarification of this "FINAL DELINQUENT NOTICE", which, I haste to add, is the first such notice I have seen regarding the matter. I was under the impression my reduced price payment had been received and processed. Meanwhile I'm advertising as a math tutor on craigslist, and can't help wondering if Prof. de la Paz mightn't be the best role model I can manage for the nonce. (Hint: He tutored math...)
waaugh
Tue Mar 13 08:47:02 PDT 2012
Success with Skype on the eee, which pleases me. I've plunked out 30 bucks for a quarter of Skype service including a (213) phone number and the ability to place calls to land lines. I was nervous about using it on this box but it wasn't too hard, once I got pulseaudio working. (Shout-out to the #! boards for the eventual solution by way of the upstream gods at Debian.)
Skimming "Brief Analytic Geometry", Mason and Hazard, 2nd ed., (Ginn and Company, pub, original copyright 1927 by Mason, Hazard, and Carmichael)(Really gotta get a citation style guide and really, really, learn that stuff.) I realize while skimming that perhaps one reason von Neuman and Morgenstern got away with the gross reification of utility and the absurd identification of money with same is that they got the geometry more or less right, after which most folks just tune the heck out. The idea that a saddle curve best represents "the solution" to a given game, that idea seems sound enough, or at least I'm not mathematician enough to say other wise. I em mathematician enough to say their claims on that score are plausible, and they are. But nothing about that acceptance of the math in the seminal volume of game theory justifies the sophomoric philosophical error vN&M make in saying "money is utility" (because they may each be freely traded for the other, being their justification of this gaffe).
Had the message been, "We'll study money in place of studying utility, with the caveat that it's still reasoning by analogy and qualitative differences between the two universes may manifest as unpredicted results.
And who cares? Who will read this? Is this what I think of as commercial word-smithing?
I guess I can't always let that be the primary criterion. I have things in my head, some of which have proved valuable to me and mine from time to time. I cannot escape the feeling that this is the time of my life to begin really letting these things out. Like my critique of vonNeuman and Morgenstern. Like my work on the Prisoners' Dilemma. I might even start reading boingboing and io9 again, as if I had a life, as if I had permission to spend today as I might have spent it before Gabby went off the rails.
As of about 30 seconds from now I'm gonna be skype-available as an adjunct to work. Be happy to hear from you. I'm digbygroks on skype (unless my paralegal is using the account, in which case you probably already noticed the difference).
waaugh
Tue Mar 13 07:43:16 PDT 2012
Grey mornings like this used to mean depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder writ small, not like the glacial thing it must be where the sun never sets. With Gabby it was enough that grey skies meant cabin fever, no money, no work, no real prospects, just hide at the computer, envy the cats. I don't need it to be like that today.
So the skies are grey? So what. Just above the clouds there's blue. It's not the sky, just my eyes filled with the underside of clouds, giving me grey no more real than up (are you sure you don't mean "out"? Why did it take two ups before it became away?)
waaugh
Mon Mar 12 17:52:55 PDT 2012
Hard to believe I missed a new craigslist TOU:
craigslist: terms of use
terms of use (version 1.25):
CRAIGSLIST TERMS OF USE
Last Updated: February 14, 2012
1. GENERAL
craigslist, Inc. ("CL") provides services through its websites, programs and computer servers, including but not limited to classified advertising, forums, and email forwarding. (All such services are referred to collectively herein as "craigslist.") By accessing or using craigslist, you are a "user" and you accept and agree to the terms below (the "Terms of Use" or "TOU") as a legal contract between you and CL. The TOU include and incorporate additional terms ("guidelines") applicable to particular categories or services available on craigslist as set forth to users upon access to such categories or services. CL may post changes to the TOU at any time, and any such changes will be applicable to all subsequent access to or use of craigslist.
If you do not accept and agree to all provisions of the TOU, now or in the future, you may reject the TOU by immediately terminating all access and use of craigslist, in which case any continuing access or use of craigslist is unauthorized.
You are also required to comply with, and to ensure compliance with, all laws, ordinances and regulations applicable to your activities on craigslist.
craigslist is intended and designed for users 18 years of age and older, and access or use by anyone younger is not authorized.
The TOU grant you a limited, revocable, nonexclusive license to access craigslist and use craigslist, in whole or in part, including but not limited to CL intellectual property therein, solely in compliance with the TOU.
"CRAIGSLIST" and "CL" are trademarks of CL and are protected by United States and international laws. The TOU do not authorize you to use "CRAIGSLIST," "CL" or any similar or related marks (including, for example and without limitation, "Craigs," "Craig," "Craig's" and "_______list") for any use pertaining to classified advertising, Internet advertising, social networks, online forums, online communication services or any similar or related use, or any other use that is likely to cause confusion on the part of, to cause mistake by or to deceive the public as to any affiliation, connection, association, origin, sponsorship, approval or endorsement by or with CL.
2. MODERATION
CL has the right, but not the obligation, to regulate content (which includes but is not limited to postings, text, code, images, video, binary files, ads, accounts, account information, flags, emails, messages and any other user communications ("content")) posted to, stored on or transmitted via craigslist by any user (or any other third party in any manner); to regulate conduct (including but not limited to any authorized or unauthorized access to or use of craigslist) by any user (or any other third party in any manner); and to enforce the TOU, for any reason and in any manner or by any means that CL, in its sole discretion, deems necessary or appropriate (including but not limited to automated and manual screening, blocking, filtering, exclusion from index pages, exclusion from search results, requiring the use of an application programming interface (API), requiring the use of a bulk posting interface, authorization, verification, and the deletion and/or termination of content, accounts and/or all or any use or access). CL may, in its sole discretion and without notice, start, stop or modify any regulation or enforcement measures at any time. CL action or inaction to regulate content or conduct or to enforce against any potential violation of the TOU by any user (or any other third party) does not waive CL's right to implement or not implement regulation or enforcement measures with respect to any subsequent or similar content, conduct or potential TOU violation.
You also understand and agree that any action or inaction by CL or any of its directors, officers, stockholders, employees, consultants, agents or representatives (collectively, "CL Representatives") to prevent, restrict, redress or regulate content, or to implement other enforcement measures against any content, conduct or potential TOU violation is undertaken voluntarily and in good faith, and you expressly agree that neither CL nor any CL Representative shall be liable to you or anyone else for any action or inaction to prevent, restrict, redress, or regulate content, or to implement other enforcement measures against any content, conduct or potential violation of the TOU.
Although CL Representatives may moderate content, conduct and TOU compliance on craigslist at CL's discretion, CL Representatives have no authority to make binding commitments, promises or representations to anyone that they or anyone else on behalf of CL will "take care" of any alleged problem or complaint, or that they or anyone else on behalf of CL will otherwise stop, cure or prevent any problem, content, conduct or purported TOU violation from occurring or recurring. Accordingly, you further agree that any representation (written or verbal) by any CL Representative (or by anyone else acting on behalf of CL or by anyone purportedly acting on behalf of CL) that CL (including but not limited to any CL Representative, anyone else acting on behalf of CL, or anyone purportedly acting on behalf of CL) would or would not prevent, restrict, redress or regulate content (including, without limitation, screen, block, moderate, review, remove, terminate, delete, edit or otherwise stop, cure or exclude any content), or to implement other enforcement measures against any content, conduct or potential or purported TOU violation is superseded by this provision and is nonbinding and unenforceable. Specifically, you agree that CL, CL Representatives and anyone else authorized to act on behalf of CL shall in no circumstance be liable as a result of any representation that CL, a CL Representative or anyone else on behalf of CL would or would not restrict or redress any content, conduct or potential or purported TOU violation. This paragraph may not be modified, waived or released except by a written agreement, dated and signed by CL's Chief Executive Officer and dated and signed by the individual or entity to whom the modification, waiver or release is granted.
CL also has the right in its sole discretion to limit, modify, interrupt, suspend or discontinue all or any portions of craigslist at any time without notice. CL and CL Representatives shall not be liable for any such limitations, modifications, interruptions, suspensions or discontinuance, or any purported losses, harm or damages arising from or related thereto.
3. CONTENT AND CONDUCT
a. Content
CL does not control, is not responsible for and makes no representations or warranties with respect to any user content. You are solely responsible for your access to, use of and/or reliance on any user content. You must conduct any necessary, appropriate, prudent or judicious investigation, inquiry, research and due diligence with respect to any user content.
You are also responsible for any content that you post or transmit and, if you create an account, you are responsible for all content posted or transmitted through or by use of your account.
Content prohibited from craigslist includes but is not limited to: (1) illegal content; (2) content in facilitation of the creation, advertising, distribution, provision or receipt of illegal goods or services; (3) offensive content (including, without limitation, defamatory, threatening, hateful or pornographic content); (4) content that discloses another's personal, confidential or proprietary information; (5) false or fraudulent content (including but not limited to false, fraudulent or misleading responses to user ads transmitted via craigslist); (6) malicious content (including, without limitation, malware or spyware); (7) content that offers, promotes, advertises, or provides links to posting or auto-posting products or services, account creation or auto-creation products or services, flagging or auto-flagging products or services, bulk telephone numbers, or any other product or service that if utilized with respect to craigslist would violate these TOU or CL's other legal rights; and (8) content that offers, promotes, advertises or provides links to unsolicited products or services. Other content prohibitions are set forth in guidelines for particular categories or services on craigslist and all such prohibitions are expressly incorporated into these TOU as stated in section 1 above.
You automatically grant and assign to CL, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant and assign to CL, a perpetual, irrevocable, unlimited, fully paid, fully sub-licensable (through multiple tiers), worldwide license to copy, perform, display, distribute, prepare derivative works from (including, without limitation, incorporating into other works) and otherwise use any content that you post. You also expressly grant and assign to CL all rights and causes of action to prohibit and enforce against any unauthorized copying, performance, display, distribution, use or exploitation of, or creation of derivative works from, any content that you post (including but not limited to any unauthorized downloading, extraction, harvesting, collection or aggregation of content that you post).
You agree to indemnify and hold CL and CL Representatives harmless from and against any third-party claim, cause of action, demand or damages related to or arising out of: (a) content that you post or transmit (including but not limited to content that a third-party deems defamatory or otherwise harmful or offensive); (b) activity that occurs through or by use of your account (including, without limitation, all content posted or transmitted); (c) your use of or reliance on any user content; and (d) your violation of the TOU. This indemnification obligation includes payment of any attorneys' fees and costs incurred by CL or CL Representatives.
b. Conduct
CL does not control, is not responsible for and makes no representations or warranties with respect to any user or user conduct. You are solely responsible for your interaction with or reliance on any user or user conduct. You must perform any necessary, appropriate, prudent or judicious investigation, inquiry, research and due diligence with respect to any user or user conduct.
You are also responsible for your own conduct and activities on, through or related to craigslist, and, if you create an account on craigslist, you are responsible for all conduct or activities on, through or by use of your account.
You agree to indemnify and hold CL and CL Representatives harmless from and against any third-party claim, cause of action, demand or damages related to or arising out of your own conduct or activities on, through or related to craigslist or CL, and related to or arising out of any conduct or activities on, through or by use of your craigslist account, if any. This indemnification obligation includes payment of any attorneys' fees and costs incurred by CL or CL Representatives.
4. POSTING AND ACCOUNTS
This section 4 applies to all uses and users of craigslist, unless CL has specifically authorized an exception to a particular term for a particular user in a written agreement. CL has sole and absolute discretion to authorize or deny any exception or exceptions to the terms in this section 4.
a. Postings
craigslist is intended and designed as a local service. A user may post content only to the single specific geographic area offered on craigslist (see http://www.craigslist.org/about/sites) for which that content is most relevant. The same or substantially similar content (for example, an ad for a particular item or service, a particular offer, a particular message or a particular comment) may not be posted to or communicated via more than one such geographic area. Content that is equally relevant to multiple (i.e., more than one) geographic areas should not be posted on craigslist.
The same or substantially similar content may not be posted in more than one craigslist category. A user may post content only in the single craigslist category to which it is most relevant, and must not post content to inappropriate categories. For example, content advertising classes or vocational training must be posted under the “classes†category of the "community" section and may not be posted in any “jobs†category. Likewise, content advertising auto financing must be posted under the "financial" category of the "services" sections and not under "cars/trucks" category in the "for sale" section. Similarly, services relating to real estate must be posted under “real estate" category of the "services†section and may not be posted to any category within the “housing†section.
A user may post the same or substantially similar content no more than once every 48 hours.
Where a craigslist category provides specific subcategories for posts by particular types of users (e.g., car sales "by-owners" versus "by-dealers," and real estate for sale "by-owner" versus "by-broker"), a user may post content only in the single user sub-category most accurate for that user. In particular, no user acting as a broker, agent or dealer may post in any “by owner†category.
Users may not circumvent any technological measure implemented by CL to restrict the manner in which content may be posted on craigslist or to regulate the manner in which content (including but not limited to email) may be transmitted to other users. This prohibition includes, without limitation, a ban on the use of multiple email addresses (created via an email address generator or otherwise); the use of multiple IP addresses (via proxy servers, modem toggling, or otherwise); CAPTCHA circumvention, automation or outsourcing; multiple and/or fraudulent craigslist accounts, including phone-verified accounts; URL shortening, obfuscation or redirection; use of multiple phone lines or phone forwarding for verification; and content obfuscation via HTML techniques, printing text on images, inserting random text or content "spinning."
It is expressly prohibited for any third party to post content to craigslist on behalf of another. Users must post content only on their own behalf, and may not permit, enable, induce or encourage any third party to post content for them.
It is expressly prohibited to post content to craigslist using any automated means. Users must post all content personally and manually through all steps of the posting process. It is also expressly prohibited for any user to develop, offer, market, sell, distribute or provide an automated means to perform any step of the posting process (in whole or in part). Any user who develops, offers, markets, sells, distributes or provides an automated means to perform any step of the posting process (in whole or in part) shall be responsible and liable to CL for each instance of access to craigslist (by any user or other third party) using that automated means.
Affiliate marketing is expressly prohibited on craigslist. Users may not post content or communicate with any craigslist user for purposes of affiliate marketing or in connection with any affiliate marketing system, scheme or program in any manner or under any circumstance.
b. Accounts
A user may maintain and use no more than one account, including a telephone or phone-verified account ("PVA"), to post content. A user specifically may not create or use additional accounts for the purpose of circumventing technological restrictions (security measures) in the posting process or otherwise for posting content in violation of the TOU.
A user may create an account, including a PVA, only on hd and prohibited. For example, without limitation:
The collection of craigslist users' personal information (including but not limited to email addresses, IP addresses and telephone numbers) is not allowed for any purpose.
Any copying, aggregation, display, distribution, performance or derivative use of craigslist or any content posted on craigslist whether done directly or through intermediaries (including but not limited to by means of spiders, robots, crawlers, scrapers, framing, iframes or RSS feeds) is prohibited. As a limited exception, general purpose Internet search engines and noncommercial public archives will be entitled to access craigslist without individual written agreements executed with CL that specifically authorize an exception to this prohibition if, in all cases and individual instances: (a) they provide a direct hyperlink to the relevant craigslist website, service, forum or content; (b) they access craigslist from a stable IP address using an easily identifiable agent; and (c) they comply with CL's robots.txt file; provided however, that CL may terminate this limited exception as to any search engine or public archive (or any person or entity relying on this provision to access craigslist without their own written agreement executed with CL), at any time and in its sole discretion, upon written notice, including, without limitation, by email notice.
Any access to or use of craigslist to design, develop, test, update, operate, modify, maintain, support, market, advertise, distribute or otherwise make available any program, application or service (including, without limitation, any device, technology, product, computer program, mobile device application, website, or mechanical or personal service) that enables or provides access to, use of, operation of or interoperation with craigslist (including, without limitation, to access content, post content, cross-post content, re-post content, respond or reply to content, verify content, transmit content, create accounts, verify accounts, use accounts, circumvent and/or automate technological security measures or restrictions, or flag content) is prohibited. This prohibition specifically applies but is not limited to software, programs, applications and services for use or operation on or by any computer and/or any electronic, wireless and/or mobile device, technology or product that exists now or in the future.
If you access craigslist or copy, display, distribute, perform or create derivative works from craigslist webpages or other CL intellectual property in violation of the TOU or for purposes inconsistent with the TOU, your access, copying, display, distribution, performance or derivative work is unauthorized. Circumvention of any technological restriction or security measure on craigslist or any provision of the TOU that restricts content, conduct, accounts or access is expressly prohibited. For purposes of this paragraph, you agree that cached copies of craigslist webpages on your computer or computer server constitute "copies" under the Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C. § 101. For purposes of this paragraph, you further agree that CAPTCHAs and telephone verification are "technological measures" that effectively control access to copyright-protected components and rights of CL pursuant to 17 U.S.C. § 1201.
Any effort to decompile, disassemble or reverse engineer all or any part of craigslist in order to identify, acquire, copy or emulate any source code or object code is expressly prohibited.
Any activities (including but not limited to posting voluminous content) that are inconsistent with use of craigslist in compliance with the TOU or that may impair or interfere with the integrity, functionality, performance, usefulness, usability, signal-to-noise ratio or quality of all or any part of craigslist in any manner are expressly prohibited.
Any attempt (whether or not successful) to engage in, or to enable, induce, encourage, cause or assist anyone else to engage in, any of the above unauthorized and prohibited access and activities is alsoes.
Unless otherwise specified, all fees are in United States dollars and all charges will be made in United States dollars. Any applicable sales or other taxes are additional to the stated fee. Currency exchange settlements and foreign transaction fees are based on your agreement with your credit card or other payment method provider.
Except as required by law, all fees are nonrefundable, including, without limitation, in situations where paid posts are removed by CL or by community flagging. Payments and purchases may not be canceled by the user, except as required by law. However, CL reserves the right to refuse or terminate any purchase or attempted purchase at any time in its sole discretion. You understand and agree that if you authorize a payment transaction with your credit card, debit card or other payment method, but your charge is rejected for any reason, there may be a hold on your use of that transaction amount for several days.
8. DISCLAIMERS
YOUR ACCESS TO, USE OF AND RELIANCE ON CRAIGSLIST AND CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST IS ENTIRELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. CRAIGSLIST (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE WEBSITES, PROGRAMS, SERVICES, FORUMS AND CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH THE WEBSITES, PROGRAMS, SERVICES AND FORUMS) IS PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" OR "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS WITHOUT ANY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND.
ALL EXPRESS AND IMPLIED WARRANTIES (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT OF PROPRIETARY RIGHTS) ARE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMED.
WITHOUT LIMITING THE FOREGOING, CL ALSO DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES FOR OR WITH RESPECT TO: (a) THE SECURITY, RELIABILITY, TIMELINESS, ACCURACY AND PERFORMANCE OF CRAIGSLIST AND CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST; (b) COMPUTER WORMS, VIRUSES, SPYWARE, ADWARE AND ANY OTHER MALWARE, MALICIOUS CODE OR HARMFUL CONTENT OR COMPONENTS ACCESSED, RECEIVED OR DISSEMINATED THROUGH, RELATED TO OR AS A RESULT OF CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST; (c) ANY TRANSACTIONS OR POTENTIAL TRANSACTIONS, GOODS OR SERVICES PROMISED OR EXCHANGED, INFORMATION OR ADVICE OFFERED OR EXCHANGED, OR OTHER CONTENT, INTERACTIONS, REPRESENTATIONS OR COMMUNICATIONS THROUGH, RELATED TO OR AS A RESULT OF USE OF CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, ACCESSED THROUGH ANY LINKS ON CRAIGSLIST OR IN CONTENT).
THESE DISCLAIMERS SHALL APPLY TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW.
Some jurisdictions do not allow disclaimer of implied warranties. In such jurisdictions, some of the foregoing disclaimers as to implied warranties may not apply.
9. LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY
CL AND THE CL REPRESENTATIVES SHALL UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BE LIABLE FOR ANY ACCESS TO, USE OF OR RELIANCE ON CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST BY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE, OR FOR ANY TRANSACTIONS, COMMUNICATIONS, INTERACTIONS, DISPUTES OR RELATIONS BETWEEN YOU AND ANY OTHER PERSON OR ORGANIZATION ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO LIABILITY FOR INJUNCTIVE RELIEF AS WELL AS FOR ANY HARM, INJURY, LOSS OR DAMAGES OF ANY KIND INCURRED BY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE (INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, STATUTORY, EXEMPLARY OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES, EVEN IF CL OR ANY CL REPRESENTATIVE HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES). THIS LIMITATION OF LIABILITY APPLIES REGARDLESS OF, BUT IS NOT RESTRICTED TO, WHETHER THE ALLEGED LIABILITY, HARM, INJURY, LOSS OR DAMAGES AROSE FROM AUTHORIZED OR UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR USE OF CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST; ANY INABILITY TO ACCESS OR USE CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST; OR ANY REMOVAL, DELETION, LIMITATION, MODIFICATION, INTERRUPTION, SUSPENSION, DISCONTINUANCE OR TERMINATION OF CRAIGSLIST OR CONTENT ACCESSED THROUGH CRAIGSLIST.
THESE LIMITATIONS SHALL ALSO APPLY WITH RESPECT TO DAMAGES RESULTING FROM ANY TRANSACTIONS OR POTENTIAL TRANSACTIONS, GOODS OR SERVICES PROMISED OR EXCHANGED, INFORMATION OR ADVICE OFFERED have been otherwise violated, please follow the directions for written notice at:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/infringement.claims
11. INJUNCTIVE RELIEF
You acknowledge and agree that any violation or breach of the TOU may cause CL immediate and irreparable harm and damages; consequently, notwithstanding any other provision of the TOU or other applicable legal requirements, CL has the right to, and may in its discretion, immediately obtain preliminary injunctive relief (including, without limitation, temporary restraining orders) and seek permanent injunctive relief regarding any violation or breach of the TOU. In addition to any and all other remedies available to CL in law or in equity, CL may seek specific performance of any term in the TOU, including but not limited to by preliminary or permanent injunction.
12. DAMAGES
In addition to any injunctive relief, you agree to pay to CL the total amount of all actual damages (including but not limited to direct, indirect, consequential and incidental damages) caused by any violation of the TOU for which you bear responsibility; EXCEPT you acknowledge that, for certain TOU violations, actual damages would be extremely difficult or impossible to quantify. Consequently, for such TOU violations, you agree to pay liquidated damages to CL as described in the following schedule:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/liquidated.damages
Furthermore you agree that the amounts of liquidated damages described therein are reasonable estimates of CL's damages for such violations, and that liquidated damages for violations of the TOU are and will be cumulative.
13. PRIVACY
CL has established a privacy policy covering the collection, use, and disclosure of user information:
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14. MISCELLANEOUS
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waaugh
Mon Mar 12 12:08:38 PDT 2012
Laundry day. Actually hoping to keep feet on ground sufficient to get some progress on I&E/S&A, etc for disso. But, as usual, Monday is laundry and trying to get my sense of rythm back after the weekend.
It's about the only time I miss being a school kid. Mondays used to be so settled, so reliable, so known. I'm tired of mysterious living in the now and would settle for...except I can't seem to finish that sentence. Telling, eh?
So I'm unsettled yet, but settling, without quite "settling for", I hope.
waaugh
Sun Mar 11 19:39:08 PDT 2012
Time change and volunteerism pretty much ruled out activism and legal networking. "It's spiritual" seems such a cop-out, but no matter how hard I try it's where I end up. Still trying to wear my zen lightly and avoid the capital z where possible. Some days I do better than others.
Finally skipping around in "Mind Hacks", am not surprised to find my favorite bits of "Blink" are already in here, and wish I had a better sense of which came out first. Is this another scenario like with Condon's time study work, which if I'd followed my own channels I'd have known of a good decade prior to reading "The Tipping Point"? Or do both highlight the futility of all intellectual endeavor, at least to one of my means and origin? Is bad sci-fi the most I can hope for?
God willin' I'll get my own disso knocked out this week and start charging folks for doing theirs. Seems like time, no?
waaugh
Sat Mar 10 14:31:19 PST 2012
Something to blog about! Legendary Mike Deodato has the image entered in Wikipedia's "Dr. Strange" entry, and it's _great_!
By rights this would be a good time to go give some money to Wikipedia or even straight to the artist. Pretend just this once you don't actually see the "Donate" button below.
waaugh
Sat Mar 10 14:22:44 PST 2012
From the "Let's Give 'em Something to Blog About" department, look what's the image at the Dr. Strange entry in wikipedia:
waaugh
Fri Mar 9 11:20:55 PST 2012
Ok, didn't make 7. Made, what, 4? Fine. Start again. Get it right.
It's funny I only really learned the name Cornell West in the context of Occupy.
Trying to keep productive in meatspace today, so a short note, but I'm here.
waaugh
Wed Mar 7 19:55:40 PST 2012
Full moon tomorrow at 01:39. I'll be asleep. G'night!
waaugh
Tue Mar 6 11:43:45 PST 2012
A wise and dear friend says, "I believe in love". This was meant to be applied both to the risks I took loving Gabby over the years, despite our conflicted start (Gabby used to say to me, way back when, "You know we're never going to kiss, right?). I am fond of saying, "It's not like I stood on 15. We were at least a 17, maybe even a 20, and the cards weren't with us." It was the right thing to do, the time I was with her, just as letting her be someone I love that I used to know is the right thing now. Could I ever love her less than a stranger? Of course not. I just don't know her anymore, perhaps never did as I thought, and am no longer part of her life nor she mine save for piddling stuff related to the disso. I pray she finds love and joy in life, but it is no longer mine to try to make it so. Time to move on.
Feeling better today than yesterday, and my 6 a.m. advil seems to be holding fine. Yesterday it was time for a new dose every four hours. Today it's already six hours and I had energy enough to bathe, shave, and have put in a few hours on trying to get the California Codes and Legislative History database installed on this machine. I had to get some help from #bash on irc.freenode.net in order to decipher the batch file that installs the db on windows, as I am not working in windows. Next step will be to prototype it in perl or php, since I know them better than bash, and see where that takes me. Might even be a better answer for windows boxes, assuming I can install cygwin while I'm at it.
All of which is to say, I'm doing better today than I have in many. Still plenty of bumps ahead, to be sure, that's how it is until they scatter your ashes. 'Til then, I'm doing the best I can with what I have and thankful for all my loves, past, present, future, carnal, spiritual, &c. I wish you, dear reader, as love filled a life as I have enjoyed. Heartache comes to everyone, love only to those open to it.
waaugh
Mon Mar 5 15:17:22 PST 2012
I suppose the donate button does seem a bit much, even in the context of yesterday's post. I have to remind myself that the notion is that while I post here daily, I am also trying to build up a proper head of steam to start posting on my other sites as well, which includes _maintaining_ those sites, updates, etc.
While I've been trying to dive down a whiskey bottle the past four months, it seems I missed a real cry from help from one of the best friends I've ever had in all my 47 years. Not sure what to do about that, save to mention it here.
Yesterday, after my post here, I took some time and journalled. If the file-system on this machine is any indicator, last time I tried to journal was probably early 2011. Hard to believe I once considered myself a writer. That definitely got abandoned with Gabby. Not blaming her, but I would be lying to say she encouraged that sort of thing.
I came down with a fever Saturday night, worst I can recall since the one Gabby and I shared on Steadman. Over the course of three days she and I, probably some time in 2003, puked so much that our stomach acids ate away the lime buildup I had tried for 18 months to scrub away. That was a bad time, but a bonding event. So too when I broke my knee. She had already thrown me away in late 2003, having made the ultimatum that I could be with her or I could smoke dope but I couldn't do both. She had made similar noises over the preceding months, but, how to say, with less conviction. So in late 2003 she said we were done. Winter Solstice 2003 I do some internal work, trying to bring to fruition the soul-searching I had been telling people all year was my only focus in 2003. I really only had one goal for the year: Rack up a year in a job, any job, and get clear on what it was I planned to do with myself for the rest of my life. I really was still trying to dig myself out of the hole I dug with Terry. Nine-one-one had set me back even further, and then I managed to ruin my car in Summer 2002, after which I met Gabby in late 2002.
It was a conflicted relationship from the get-go. About which I have said plenty other places. But she was in school and I was trying to get back on my feet and it made sense and we grew to love each other and we had a beautiful, if tumultuous at times, life together.
Rambling. Cope.
I've already taken the six (6) ibuprofen I'm allowed as OTC. Not supposed to take more without a doctor's order. But keeping the fever down seems to be the most important thing I can do right now, and, yes, I'm going to take two (2) every four hours whether I need it or not at least for the next 24 hours.
Another reason this entry seems to be running a little longer: Ergonomics. For the first time in ages I have a set up for blind typing. I've got arwen (that's my Asus eeePC netbook) at exactly the right height to let me type smoothly without looking at the keys or screen. Makes a world of difference.
Need to get my paper work done for the disso. Not sure I have all the stuff I need but I need to pull it all together and get it done. I also need to start going through the boxes Gabby gave me that are full of pre-marriage filing and are thus about ninety (90) percent hers and should never have come to me in the first place. I didn't argue about it on December 11 when I picked up the stuff that she decided I should have, but I really shouldn't have it. God only knows what stuff of mine she missed. We discussed the balance of the Oblio's Cap cards, and she said she'd let me know if she saw them. Of course, she could say that even if she had chucked them in the trash and still technically be telling the truth. I'm sure there are other things as yet unaccounted for. I suppose that's another reason I've been dragging my heels on the disso: I don't know that I can at present sign a paper saying our property has in fact all been properly divided. I had nothing to do with the division. I really ought to get a nook-and-cranny search of the place, with one or more third party observers. I just can't decide if that's worth the bother, or the heart ache.
Which brings me to the other bit. Time to let the heart ache go. Plenty of reasons to be depressed and miserable in this world if one wants. Plenty of reasons too to be joyful and optimistic, or cold and neutral, or any other state one would like to maintain. I'd like to maintain a state that lets Gabby have the best life she can have, and likewise me, and sometime before I die maybe I'll even learn to put myself first in such things.
Back to the donate button: The people most likely to read this blog are folks who already have done so much for me that they shouldn't have to see my blegging (no, it's a real word among bloggers) but I do harbor hopes that this space will not only allow woodshedding of bits to go to other domains, but also that in its own right it will one day attract a following. We all know I haven't done as much as I could towards that end and that at present the various domains are more reminders of aspirations not yet fully abandoned rather than being anything of extrinsic or substantive value.
Write every day...
waaugh
Sun Mar 4 14:36:05 PST 2012
Missed a couple of days. Let's see how many in a row we can rack up starting today.
One theme that recurs in my thinking is from an old Analog magazine publication of a speech delivered by Heinlein, to some graduating class, probably Annapolis. In that speech Heinlein identified five rules for successful writing:
- Write every day.
- Finish what you write.
- Do not rewrite except to editorial specifications.
- Place what you write on the market.
- Leave it on the market until it sells.
I can do that. The donate button takes care of the last two rules, and knowing it's going to be there reminds me to make sure that whatever I say here I try to make it of value rather than simply rambling on.
A little under the weather, fighting off what seems to be perhaps something flu-like, deep coughs, chills. Taking it very easy.
waaugh
Thu Mar 1 06:10:19 PST 2012
This morning's working with the stalks lead me to a reading arguably interpretable as, "inner male outer male-elder becomes inner female-junior outer female". At the moment this truly feels to me the beginning and end of two related cycles, and also reminds me of my trouble allocating sectors to my toppled tesseract visualization yesterday. Consider the series IEU, IE~U, ..., ~I~EU, ~I~E~U. That much lets me, strictly mentally, spot the opposed spots on the Dodgson cube, which in turn encourages me to keep cogitating on the allocation problem. On the fly, here, it's enough to practice unrolling a Dodgson cube...in my mind's eye.
- -
- -
-x-
-x-
---
---
Gonna upload and spell check real quick, maybe take a break and listen to Sierra Madre rise.
waaugh
Wed Feb 29 09:13:44 PST 2012
Giving thought to so many projects while stuck in this work limbo. All my existing projects seem mired in Russian mud (Mother Russia's first General, many say). One that particularly draws me is the I Ching, and, of course, it could be a good time to really polish and publish the speed reading book, if only as rotating chapters with donate buttons. I started this post to reflect on the tesseract and a simple 2x2x2 of important, easy, urgent, giving eight spatially differentiated cells in a cube at the center of which is one of R.A.W's biot. We use the Dodgson arrangement for eight options in a closed cube tesseract and assign ego to the s1ys2ys3y cube, or, put differently, if x was a plane instead of a line, then you could define a cube by saying, "It's sector x+, y+, z+", and thus one could as fairly let the biot be in that same sector and now arrange the remaining seven as a crooked house, built.
Topple that structure so it's one behind the biot and two in front, one each above below, right and left. The biot occupies the occluded, central, defining cell of the system, the unseen cube, urgent, important, easy as breathing each breath. Assigning the others accordingly, there is somewhere a sector neither urgent, nor important, nor easy. Stipulate this resides well just above the biot, a sword of Damocles where the biot's neuro-sensory arrays function below threshold.
While I'm at it, best solar power is steel drums...music that can make fire from sun and straw in good weather, good for shield or housing material too. Can do most of that with plastic, but don't know that there's a plastic analog for the ol' Radio Shack solar powered cigarette lighter...
So, easy as breathing, important as wearing a helmet playin' NFL, urgent as Mum's birthday party five minutes ago, that's where we live. The other seven? Seems the ring around the biot, which includes the not urgent, not important, not easy, seems to me, then, that requires the one behind the biot and two in front are the range of easy, leaving biot out of it. See, part of the problem is I didn't start with a Dodgson eight cube structure and unroll it, but instead thought I was smart enough to just kind of blast it apart and spin them back together. I'll have to work on that transition. And, heck, I know a lot of this is already too much for some folks. It's only on adding Bateson-approved "the biot" that I thought also to add the notion that where a Dodgson has no somatic front or back, nor left and right (Cf., really, "Mind and Nature" by Bateson) these are terms implicit in the physical substrate of the biot, from which the purely Euclidean world is entirely cast adrift.
But what if it was some bum channeling me in that Body Snatchers flick, Luna wondered.
Out
Tue Feb 28 15:27:22 PST 2012
Page 79 of my copy of "How to Sell and Re-Sell Your Writing" opens the chapter on work habits. Author Duane Newcomb offers here, page 80, a five level prioritization system. I balk. I distrust simple linear systems. So I take a look over at my modular bookshelf abutting the bulkhead and think Dodgson, 2x2x2, easy, urgent, important. If it's all three, do it. If it's missing all three we probably don't even have an issue. The most slack to be recovered is most often in the other six cells of this eight celled two-by-two-by-two. Also I get to play with the time distortion scaffolds of L'Engle's "A Wrinkle in Time" as part of the new time management work. In all a pleasant disagreement!
Sorry not to have an image nor handy link for the Lewis Carroll logic work at the moment. Try Project Gutenberg, probably a pdf somewhere with printable game boards, no?
Out
Tue Feb 28 15:22:33 PST 2012
How Could ONE
teach
Clever Hans
but fall for
John Edwards' cold-readings?
Out
Tue Feb 28 09:55:50 PST 2012
Dialog snippet:
"Of course we
usually don't get
into the Tesser Act
until one of Harshaw's
girls gives the go a head,"
said Harriet, pre-Stone,
right around the time
Luna Simone ghosted "All My Kin".--from the forthcoming
Oblio's Cap
Meanwhile, as I tidied up my html a bit I let the nigh-pastoral scenes out my back window draw my attention just in time to see a local black cat chasing a svery animated and oddly focused squirrel who in turn knew it could jet through the chaing link next to the slats into which the cat was hoping to chase the squirrel. One moment I had been reeling in delight with antics of other squirrels on the West side of the yard, then suddenly I'm all cat, hoping, hoping, reaching, running, black fur suddenly hot where I cross from shade to open yard, squirrel making tighter and tighter circles. "Are my eyes really brown?" and "Maybe I understand the view of the fox" both come to mind and I imagine my ship moored near the Northern coast of Africa. Nice thought, that.
Out
Mon Feb 27 19:49:26 PST 2012
Ladies and Gentlemen, Damen und Herren, Madame et Monsieurs, from what was once an inarticulate collection of IP assignments and hand-me-down CPUs, let me present a cultured, sophisticated, bleg. I swear I'll do my best to summon both Baslim the Cripple and Scheherazade herself on that fabled one-hundred-and-twenty-third night...
All this and Wednesday I'm seeing Spam-a-lot. Hard not to be pretty happy even when other parts of life could justify some mighty Cerulean blues.
Out
Mon Feb 27 06:55:10 PST 2012
Playing w/ paypal...
Out
Thu Feb 9 07:43:44 PST 2012
A little embarrassed to say, it was my look-up skills after all. The Deerings lists repealed 629 just ahead of current 628...and I stopped reading when I got to 629.
Better in front of all of you than in the well of the court. That said, I'm glad to know the online data is as reliable as the print. Well, I haven't actually simulated running diff on the two, but I'm comforted nonetheless. Also, somewhat ironically, I would have gone straight to 628 in Deerings had I been navigating by the index entry for "Massage" instead of navigating by raw section number.
It's a heady feeling, knowing I've got all the California Codes at the flick of a switch, for free. (Cue Daniel Radcliffe walking into the Weasly tent for the big Quidditch game, "I love living in the future!")(Yes, it's a misquote.)
Shout out, by the by, to the 9th Circuit for getting the Prop 8 ruling out to us. Haven't read it yet, but it was an adequate excuse to call my long lost LGBT pal up in Northern parts of the jurisdiction, which made me happy.
Out
Wed Feb 8 23:03:22 PST 2012
Discrepancies noted between either 1: a) my lookup skills on the net versus in print, or 2: a) California Penal Code Section 628-628.5 via the web versus via Deerings.
Need I say I'd go with Deerings, rice-paper doorstop that it is. Old-fashioned of me, I suppose, but I know which would sooner sway a black robe.
Out
Wed Feb 8 08:34:20 PST 2012
Deleted. Say, "Thank you, Robert".
Out
Tue Feb 7 07:41:45 PST 2012
A friend writes:
Billowing cloud fire
sherbet orange blue grey plumes shift
magic morning gone
Nice to have smart friends.
Out
Mon Feb 6 20:24:26 PST 2012
Been neglecting the blog, caught up in this or that various maelstrom. Does that really excuse the lapse? Did anyone think it could?
Had cause professionally, in all of my hats, really, to bone up on my Inductive Language Patterns, which I truly welcomed. It's nice to find out I wasn't the only one who thought there was promise in that project. I've been sorely tempted since before the Solstice to rekindle that flame, perhaps selling FLACs al a carte via paypal donate buttons. Honestly, that's still probably the quickest profit-center I can create for myself. Then I could tell Randy to do up the midis the same way and serve them where/however.
Read a "mail order bride" TOS last night. Not every word. There was enough belly laugh in a good hardy skim, believe me. I do, in fact, dig that kind of stuff. Also struggled to get vlc to play "Crouching Tiger..." last night. Very annoyed with that project. Worse, the tin can with the cd/dvd burner needs its OS reinstalled and a $20-120 battery to plug up this hole on the bottom.
Dollar for dollar and intangibles manufactured, the best legal writing I've personally seen remains the craigslist TOU.
And you out there in readerland? (Aiya, there's probably some frackin' IP problem with that, but see if anyone cares before asking me to change it, ok?) Wha'd'y'all think's the better "tos" (scare quotes because of craigslists championship "TOU", which sets the standard for the evaluators): grooveshark or soma.fm? (I feel a little guilty not linking both, but Rusty's been my numero uno sound maven for a good long decade now, an' that counts, believe me.)
Had a real meltdown this morning. Ironed my own shirt, tried to squeeze into it five years and more of ironing I did for she-who-probably-need-not-be-named.
No, that didn't work for me either. So, while it was a day ending in feelings of triumph, it started with tears and eyes still red from them as I passed the Chino Bi-Centennial dam, looking every second as old as I felt, but only at the paint level. I only wish I were cement.
Out
Thu Feb 2 08:52:06 PST 2012
Groundhog Day meant nothing to me until Gabby. Now I guess I should let it be nothing again, at least until the day it can be a mildly bittersweet memory rather than the threat of ripping out stitches in my heart.
I try not to breast-beat too much, try not to bug folks with my feelings of loss and confusion and sadness. The easiest way to do that is to not have those feelings, or at least keep them buried deep enough that I don't actively see them and thus they aren't on my mind when dealing with others. It also helps to avoid people generally and especially those who have little basis for dealing with me save in the context of my old life with Gabby.
I realize I am not as private a person as I might be. I can't imagine any sitting judge having this kind of blog, past, present, or future. Far too disclosing, far too public. And yet my prayer today, overt and conscious as I moved through my morning rituals, is to be a better lawyer. I'm not even sure what that means, given the realities of my situation. It's fine and good to fantasize about a big win at the 9th in Pasadena, but it's hard to keep my eye on that goal when I can barely keep my focus from one day to the next.
Alright then, that's the goal. A big win at the 9th. And the question anyone helping me needs to ask, or at least understand I will be asking in the back of my mind, is, "How does X move me closer to that goal?"
For now, I am set back so far still from the break up, my life seems so completely topsy-turvy, that I do well just to remember from day to day that I have a goal, a direction, a purpose, of my own, not imposed on me from without. I was 39 in 2003 when I decided the best way I could integrate everything I knew about myself was to get on track to Law. My path was slow and winding, but I am here. My practice was in the black my first year, but only because I drew nothing from it personally. Personally I am still a wreck, financially, professionally. I have plans and hopes for reversing that, and I think those plans are generally plausible and viable, but only time will tell. Most important, I need to set my vision again. I want a big win at the 9th in Pasadena. I want it, so the question is, how do I get it? Wanting it is but the first step.
Got a call yesterday from Gabby's lawyer saying Gabby had given him her papers and now he needed stuff from me. I didn't even know we had a case number yet. I left voice mail asking for a more explicit statement of what he wants from me. It's forward motion, I suppose, and thus I reckon I should be pleased. But it's Groundhog Day, and, honestly, I'm a little triste. How long, really, does it take to let go?
Out
Wed Feb 1 08:52:45 PST 2012
Fit for the well of the court, to be reminded by the black mumu I carry the keys to my cell. That's always the goal. It is entirely subsumed by, "What is hateful to Thee..." and "Brighten the corner...", which I've said for years is the most semantically dense pair I can think of. That's my Magister Ludi best, unless Ouroboros Groks stands the test of time. It's too new for me to tell just now.
Was also thinking about my wonderful old "Tolerance Test" series from right after me and Gabby got the big TV. Wonder how the ol' girl is doing, truly. Wish things had broken differently, and I know she's just putting the way she reads the green. Still, it's going to be an interesting "Groundhog Day" this year.
David Grey's "This Year's Love" is winding up on the Ubuntu box. A sweet tune, but the bitter is right up front, so the sweet seems earned.
Tuned in, actually, to blog about law. I unearthed a 2008, excuse me, January 2008 Nolo Press "How To Do Your Own Divorce in California". As I still can't get a read on how welcome Foonberg is in various circles I figured I'd fall back to my "Marketing Without Advertising" days, which makes this required reading. Researching it's currency seems a perfect joint project for me and my paralegal, with a side trip to the library to get some review materials on UPL, staying well clear on that and related issues still being top priority as we ramp up for the next phase. I'd sure like to be paying all of my own bills.
Out
Tue Jan 31 06:40:07 PST 2012
No, really, I'm doing CLEs. In fact, I'm listening to a freebie from CalBar, on Trust Accounts/IOLTA, and the gal speaking on the video at the moment, well, at this resolution, could be Gabby's twin. Even her rare pauses and falters are reminiscent of what I would think of as "Gabby-esque".
No freak-out. Just a little weird. Her voice is raspy, not something I ever thought about GP.
Still nothing on the disso, but it's still not my hottest priority, so long as I'm not the one holding things up.
Client trust accounting. I think on this score I'm really well served by my early exposure to Foonberg. His CPA background makes him very matter-of-fact about this sort of thing. But I'm happy to get 1.5 cle free for reviewing. It's important stuff.
Thought I'd tweeted a bunch of stuff, but it didn't show.
Out
Sun Jan 29 16:48:41 PST 2012
Purportedly the first post of the twenty-ninth. My stride with my "daily three" list was somewhat labored by the past 72 hours, but that's the price I pay, gladly, willingly, gratefully. The real next priorities, well, they don't seem to be glee. It's gotta be CLE's until they're done, save at the call of good-cash-that-day-work.
I see that my last note seems to imply a planned return within the reasonable time constraints of "Uno momento, por favor". I know this odd language thing of mine is two-edged. It confuses. I also know the extent I can and do rely on ready use of confusion technique, best taught by Elgin as "the Drivel response". I do know how to sonorously drivel the heck on.
Cellar Door.
Tolkien, despite Ms. Barrymore's character's dialog to the contrary, did not say, "Cellar Door" is the most beautiful phrase in the English language. He said it is a more sonorous phrase than many in English, that to his ear, Welsh has more "Cellar Doors" than does English. And, yeah, I know this is like admitting I paid too close attention to Donnie Darko (which, with Jodi's "Contact", burned Jenna Malone's face into my brain, not to mention the Donald Sutherland "Pride and Prejudice". I just make a point not to care what they will look like when they are older until they are well past any possible age-of-consent questions).
From the libretto:
Young Jubal Harshaw: (Looking Judge firmly in the eye, speaking measuredly, pitched for the judge and court reporter and none other): "Your Honor, my first, last, and only reason to be before you is to represent my client's interests as fervently as possible while keeping the keys to my cell in my own pocket."
I've been fantasizing about that scene for a while. The lawyer is effectively announcing a potential contempt charge, and a willingness to endure such as it suits him or not. It's a kind of a gambit, warning the Judge that perhaps some histrionics are in the offing, and that the lawyer himself will be candid, as befits his duty to the court, and prays accordingly there is never conflict between that required candor and his, Young Harshaw's client.
Now _that's_ a blog post. "Young Harshaw".
Out
Fri Jan 27 06:35:32 PST 2012
Feeling stochastic, and still trying to grok that word. It was important to Bateson, his idea of the key to teaching evolution, the notion being of bound chance. That, of course, is what calls me about I Ching, the chance to explore what I believe Bateson would call "bound chance" or "stochastic operations". I think he would have used the latter as he is firmly on record as preferring short words like "God" or "grok" as shorthand for an idea not-entirely-well-formed, as contrasted with "stochastic" the idea of which is well-formed and semantically dense (i.e., may obscure but is _not_ fog).
Necessita musica. Uno momento, por favor.
Out
Thu Jan 26 08:38:34 PST 2012
It's the little things. My bathtub finally drains now, thanks to a visit from my landlord's handyman. It makes me feel like maybe I am closer to really getting my rhythm set, getting my home organized, in service of getting myself organized. I don't like to admit how completely disrupted my life has been, by the divorce, by the holidays, by the strange (but wonderful!) living arrangements.
I know I've been avoiding things, people. I get so tired of the condolences, the understanding. I'm glad to know I have so many people who care about me and wish me well, but I'd really rather talk about work, getting it, doing it, getting paid for it, than talk about the past, recent or otherwise.
Hoping to make it back to BHBA next Wednesday, which is the next Entertainment section ExCom meeting. I've pretty much abandoned the IP section for the time being. Also need to call them and ask about CLE's for my stint as moderator. Will place that call...well, right now, I reckon.
Out
Wed Jan 25 08:17:16 PST 2012
No blogging yesterday, and I'm annoyed at myself for having missed it. But at about 02:00 today I awoke and succumbed to a twitter binge.
Two things drew me to twitter back in 2006: Chris Lott and the notion of a haiku-like medium of 140 characters. I suppose the idea seemed not entirely unlike the work of William Carlos Williams, not entirely unlike the Oblio's Cap cards. In the end we all have proved we can make that medium as pointless as any other, but last night I was back to twitter-as-experimental-writing. I could probably just link to my twitter stream, but this was more fun.
hogan? lodge? teepee?
Are Jesus freaks just cross-addicted?
I try not to pretend to understand this life, try to just live it, inhale, exhale, lather, rinse, repeat. Forgive me, please.
I only favor twitter because of friends who, like me, spelunk the shaping power of Constraints.
When he says, "I'm in a strange space, " he means he lives in an attic and his walls slope sharply down on him.
What if "Ouroboros groks" really is my greatest effort, my highest achievement, my worthiest contribution?
I know too many poets to be free of self-consciousness, but that doesn't stop the words from rattling me awake.
cf Simon and Garfunkle's "Leaves that are green turn to brown" from which "like a poem I meant to write".
daily prayers pray | sleepers slumber through the night | winter stars calling
daily prayers pray | sleepers slumber the night | winter stars call me
Posting in the spirit of "like a poem I meant to write" from the middle of a sound sleep, the middle of my big bed.
Last call called and gone, energies shift to forced rehibition, prayers of safe homecoming for the whole darned raft.
They are, of course, in reverse order, last first, first last.
Out
Mon Jan 23 21:16:40 PST 2012
Book I'm reading, "The Widow's Son", by Robert Anton Wilson, includes a footnotes character, de Selby, who writes of "the instinct to gossip". I'm using it out of context, but that's how the phrase got into my head of late. Blame R.A.W.. Actually, his influence is all over, but perhaps you knew that already and that's why you fear me and call me a mind fscker. In that context, I'm proud to say, "Indeed". Anyway, I feel like this post is born of "the instinct to gossip", and, let's face it, that's why most of you are here looking, 'cause I said I was blogging the divorce. (I'm certain no one is here for the Foonberg but me.)
I don't know why I am compelled to say so, especially as I've no doubt said it a time or two below: Gabby threw me on the dust bin, not once, but twice, in less than six months. No matter the issues, no matter who started what during which round, no matter when you want to start the blame clock running, she threw me away, twice, in less than six months. The second time it happened we were ostensibly committed to answering in therapy my question of how I could ever trust her after doing it the first time.
I guess I'm just trying to say why I'm as "moved on" as I am. Sure, I still get blue. Saw a black cat on the neighbor's roof and almost started crying the other day. But that's no matter. I am moved on. I have no choice, and even if I had a choice, self-respect would require me to just move on, as swiftly, gracefully, firmly as possible.
It _hurts_ to think about Gabriela. I won't lie and I won't hide it. But no more than my shattered patella will I let my wounded heart stop me from moving forward to a life I know is waiting for me.
In July when we were separated I felt very focused, kept my head down and my mind on my work. This time it's been harder. I'm hoping, trying to get a proper head of steam and really move forward. I let the holidays and the newness of the changes slow me down, and there are some true challenges to be solved with my living/working space. But it is time to move on, move forward, and, most of all, get to work.
All assistance, even just silent well-wishes from your side of the screen, are eagerly welcomed.
Out
Mon Jan 23 07:27:09 PST 2012
Knocked out another cle, and now turn to Foonberg. I have opened up more or less at random to the section on returning phone calls. Foonberg suggests routinizing an 11:30 and 16:00 "check voicemail and return/schedule return calls" habit. Makes sense. "Don't let the sun set on an unreturned call" is the theory, although Foonberg also suggests a willingness to return calls on evenings and weekends sends a good signal to clients, one that says I am available and concerned. Seems like fairly basic sales-and-marketing, but that might be something not so basic for folks who have spent more time in school than in the working world of the self-employed.
Mostly I think I turn to Foonberg because it is good for me to have his tone and demeanor greet me as early in the day as possible, to help set the tone and demeanor for my own day. It is a challenge some days, keeping my morale up, not just generally but specifically keeping my focus on work when the work I have seems so nebulous and so much of my day-to-day remains so sketchy.
Off now to follow lead on required ethics cle.
Out
Sun Jan 22 20:13:07 PST 2012
Doggone it, but I feel like I gotta duty to blog, and, again, not just to do a quick couple of words but to really pour out a little, let it air a bit, and that might also be heir or err or or or or or I mean I'm reading R.A.W. and watching Allen's paean to Gertrude Stein, with Kathy Bates as Stein no less! and thinking I wished I had an account with someone who had "L.A. Story". Don't know I could sit through every frame but I'm darned sure I could do a good "Reader's Digest" for the right audience. The one I've always wished I could dream of.
At least Donne accepted pentameter once in a while. I really don't deserve "poet". Maybe "word salad artist"?
Out
Sat Jan 21 20:09:06 PST 2012
Captain Ambivalence here, alternately worried about some counter-intuitive lapses recently on the one hand, and walking pretty darned tall about some accomplishments. In the midst I'm drawn to an odd conclusion: However patch-work my collection of father figures, the result seems to be working pretty darned well in a lot of ways. Seemed worth sharing.
Out
Sat Jan 21 00:59:00 PST 2012
Somewhat distressed by my missed posts. Currently am blaming on influx of possessions to be not weighed for non-attached non-aversion? Should make a proper post tomorrow, just for good form.
Out
Wed Jan 18 23:12:23 EST 2012
Stubborn, I put Ubuntu on the mac. It still sucks. The track pad is crappy, the p key sticks, and, of course, the battery is useless. Not sure why I'm still trying.
Out
Tue Jan 17 20:44:32 PST 2012
Goal: One hour with fingers on the keyboard, and only one take. Here goes.
Acoustic "Sounds of Silence", courtesy grooveshark.com. Still not entirely certain how this piece got on the mix. I know it's not from _my_ collection. My optical for that is somewhere in the South Bay.
Complications abound. Most important for the moment, perhaps, is that the ergonomics of my situation do not truly lend to marathon typing sessions. Add in my propensity to over commit, perhaps I should be very generous with breaks lest they manifest in some form I do not in fact prefer to invite.
Might as well do the right thing and check my email. But it's coming out of my blog time, ok?
Nothing noteworthy, considering the time of day, in thunderbird. Sorry for not linking it but http://mozilla.org is about the closest I think I could get just now.
Out
Mon Jan 16 18:57:21 PST 2012
Judy Cecil, R.I.P. 2012
Out
Sun Jan 15 20:23:59 PST 2012
Sometimes meatspace really is more fun than talking about it here. I feel the burden of the I Ching project, but in truth am much more closely attuned to my Te-Tao Ching, as in, "Having nothing is considered useful."
Out
-->
Sat Jan 14 23:12:37 PST 2012
Playing chess w/ Spencer.
Out
Fri Jan 13 23:17:18 PST 2012
Last time an author affected me this way was "Infinite Jest", which I was bad put down undone. This time I'm sticking it out, but circumstances are vastly different. I believe I can in honesty say with only thirteen months in I've had an interesting career as a lawyer. Enough so that I intend to play it for all it is worth, which means putting my shoulder to those wheels I can truly hope to turn towards justice and honor.
Sounds heavier than I mean, probably.
Happy Friday the Thirteenth, by the way. As for this day as for black cats: All things have both good and bad in them. When superstition causes fools to suck the bad out of a thing it yearns for you to sup on the good.
Preamble-wise, when I say, "Shaugnessy", I don't mean anything but praise for his wonderful translation. Any sense of dissatisfaction that may seem to come through my words is with that alien dream journal and the damned dreaming aliens who journalled it.
Shaughessy's 38, "Mingyi, Calling Pheasant".
MINGYI, "CALLING PHEASANT"
Calling pheasant: Beneficial to determine about difficulty.
Seriously, that's all, folks. No nothing about inner face or eldest son or any such nonsense. The rest was either hidden and then revealed or simply made up by opportunists. So my effort here really is fair game.
Great day, and great to feel free to say so.
Out
Thu Jan 12 20:08:00 PST 2012
Qian, Modesty
Without reference to a source like the Willhelm/Baynes, or at least Balkin, it's really hard to get anything meaningful out of one solid line buried among five broken ones. Nor does the trigram analysis help much. We've still got "The Flow" as the external, upper trigram, the essential, Platonic, yin, female, receiving, open. Below, within, we have a male trigram, not at the beginning of life nor in the middle but at the end. That's not at all how the traditional readings see it, just how I am trying to conceive it. After all, the traditional readings make plenty of sense of you happen to live in feudal China. I doubt many of my readers fit that bill, and so I am trying to re-cast the essence of the work in terms of today's society, with a focus on individual stages of development. But "young, adult, and old" sound, well, a little harsh. In the traditional readings the lower trigram here is cast as the eldest son, as mountains, as that which bounds territories. I suppose I could borrow a bit of that, and say this is a man old enough to know his place in the world, not the care-free ways of youth nor even the insecurities of adulthood striving in the world, but a senior place, perhaps contemplating retirement. It's "Old Bull" (but I'm not going to repeat that particular joke at this time.)
Modesty? Eventually the question becomes, is it better to understand the exegesis of the entity, or to accept it as a message from one unconscious to another, trusting that inner wisdom to make something good of the nigh inexplicable. It is a tenet of my approach that the psychological process of closure, of what Henry Hay calls "structure hunger", is more important than that actual text. Ponder a question for 15-20 minutes, all the while counting sticks by groups of four, alternating between uncertainty and certainty 18 times, and then open _any_ book and read until something clicks, shifts, dawns. The dream-journal feel is a perfect fit, and the point isn't ever to answer a question, and it certainly isn't about predicting the future. It's all about feeding your protective unconscious stimuli that will help you reach your conscious answers when and as best fits your personal situation and development. As Crowley says of the tarot, to study is to embark on a path of wisdom. The future is what it as, as is the past, at least of the mechanistic, materialistic view of the world is to be credited. The oracle is just a focus, a bit of brain-floss, to help you find your own answers. And, really there is only one answer, "Soon it will change."
Out
Wed Jan 11 20:27:44 PST 2012
Bedtime. Don't feel like making small talk. Had a nice gym visit this morning, no workout, just time in the steam room, sauna, and jacuzzi, mostly focused on breathing through my nose, and trying to apply some ideas about standing meditation and chi gung to my slightly splay-footed running and walking gait. Lots of stretching and a fair bit of "micro" muscle movements aimed at really sensing what changes when my feet are parallel instead of pointed out a bit. Turns out keeping the feet forward implicates the belly. Go figure. (I'm sure the fitness folks are going, "Well, yeah, duh", but ya gotta start where you are, right?)
Anyway, only logged on to get the daily I Ching post up. Here it comes.
Lin, "The Forest"
Like I've said before, fragmented dream journal from an alien culture. Maybe it's that the hexagram is being seen as two trees in the ground?
- -
- -
- -
- -
---
---
Well, it's a stretch, but it's all I've got at the moment. Well, that, and this: The public face is still "The Flow". It's binary 3. The private face is...nope, don't know without either a trip to wikipedia or some other source. It's the eldest daughter, in the traditional readings, and I'm pretty sure it's "Sun" in the Willhelm/Baynes, penetrating, gentle, and, yes, wood. When wood flows there's a forest? No matter, for my purposes this is publicly the essence of femininity with an undercurrent of not woman or woman-child but aged woman, and suddenly I'm amused by the seeming contradiction of a female energy described as "penetrating".
Recall, part of this project is to simply walk myself through the hexagrams and think about them, right, wrong, good, bad, indifferent. Proper scholars will no doubt take exception with most everything I have to say on the topic. That's fine, I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for myself, because I still have this notion that I am going to write 64 "incantations" scripts based on the 64 hexagrams, and publish them in one fashion or another. The idea is that generally the I Ching is essentially bibliomancy, and that the stalk method of casting a hexagram is such a great meditation/self-hypnosis technique that most any book would provide grist for the mill of one's protective unconscious if one so approached the task.
Hmmm, think I'm going to read myself "Unconscious Healing and then turn in. I could use a little of that no my way to the joys that await in dream land.
Soon it will change.
Out
Wed Jan 11 04:48:39 PST 2012
Attempting to start using Thunderbird for the office account. Nerve wracking. Also, looking at hacks that will let me compose in vim while using T-bird. Fingers crossed (which makes typing difficult). Tub still not draining. Probably log off soon so as to get to the gym for a shower. Breathe in, breathe out.
Out
Wed Jan 11 04:05:13 PST 2012
Top of the morning to you, world. Finally have internet here at the house, so I finally can get my blogging done earlier instead of later. I am very grateful for that, not so much because the blogging has value other than to me, but because...hard to articulate. Being without internet in the home is like being without electricity? That overstates. But the ten days without access certainly heightened my awareness of the extent to which my plans and general mode of operation assumes steady, ready access to the vast information pool of the net.
The upshot is I feel something has shifted. And just in time, too. I need to finish up my CLEs by the end of the month, and there are a fair few other projects on the boards that need more attention than they have been getting. It's nice to feel a little closer to some norm that will allow me to move forward.
I Ching later.
Out
Tue Jan 10 20:21:49 PST 2012
Shi, The Troops
Binary two. Chuan, The Flow as the public, outer, conscious face. And the inner face? That's a little harder. The better known name for this trigram, one solid in the middle of two broken, is "The Abyss", with the image of a roaring river at the bottom of a deep ravine, and it was often seemingly portrayed as a dangerous sign. I tend to try to cast each trigram and hexagram in neutral terms, on the premise that as neither yin nor yang are good nor bad, so too none of the resulting figures can be good nor bad, save in one's understanding of and working with the energies in question. So instead of "The Abyss" I thought of channeling and commitment and the power that comes from circumstances which so direct.
But the Shaughnessy calls the doubled trigram of one solid sandwiched between two broken, "The Well". I can feel a connection with the "river at the bottom of a ravine" imagery with which I am more familiar, but not a complete hit. So I search, my own psyche, trying to better understand.
I have no idea how this gets to be, "The Troops"...except a faint recollection of other texts, maybe calling this the army, maybe saying the one yang line in that particular position in ways mirrors the presence of a strong fighting force within the populace at large? Or is that false memory?
Flow without, channeled energy within. Soon it will change.
Out
Tue Jan 10 09:54:35 PST 2012
Laundry. Thank god for these small things the keep me connected to the past decade, small threads that remind me all the forward motion I've made, however slow, has not been entirely for naught, that the world goes on. It is my great good fortune to have ended up more or less in the same area, able to shop in the same stores, do laundry in the same place. It goes a long way towards keeping me on an even keel.
Still haven't made the big push to get all my stuff from Signal Hill. Next big development will be the mobile hotspot, which, if it works as advertised, should put the net back at my finger tips, with, hopefully, an attendant increase in my sense of being, well, me, still living my life, still working on the many things found on my to do list.
Number one on the list, of course, is finding work, any work I can get, all the while doing the work I have at hand. Where possible work should be law or at least arguably law related. Having net access in the house again will go a long way towards enabling work, letting me keep current on email and letting me work to leverage my online presence...which, no exaggerating, accounted for nearly half of my billed legal hours last year.
Re-reading "My Voice Will Go With You", out loud, ignoring Rosen's comments, just reading Milton's words. One story, ostensibly about spanking and child rearing, catches my eye as a pain management tool. And any story that includes counting, well, we know Milton's putting someone in the room in trance even if Rosen fails to put two and two together. Doing lots of chanting and a fair amount of trance work. But I also need to do some plain old thought blocking. I simply have to block thoughts about Gabriela. We are done, that part of my life is behind me now, and I need to put my energy into my future. I can't pretend not to be sad, heartsick even. But it does no good to dwell on it, nor even mention it unless in a setting suited to venting and processing. This blog is not that place. If I write of her less, it is not because she is forgotten, only because I have to marshal my strength to move me forward.
Still need to get an I Ching post in today, and have hopes of maybe starting the Foonberg study blog project at the robertlink.org site.
Out
Mon Jan 9 22:17:34 PST 2012
Odd day. In some ways, not odd at all, but that's what's so odd. Made it to court this morning, the 9th Circuit, which is sitting in Pasadena all this week. Also made it to Legal Voices, the choir affiliated with The Los Angeles Lawyers Philharmonic. These events show that life goes on. There is much about my new life that I celebrate. But there are still plenty of tender spots. And I don't really want to write about them here. Bad enough they're in my mind without putting them in yours. Suffice to say, sometimes it is hard being in transition. And tonight sublimating seems like lying. I am sad about the life I lost. I am happy for the life I am building. I am scared and excited and hopeful and wish I could just hide under my bed until it's all over, all at the same time.
I have, of course, indulged in an awful lot of avoidance and escapism to get through the holidays, get to the beginning of this new year. Today felt like the first real work day of the new year. I'm still in such limbo, my stuff here and there, my place not really configured yet for much of anything. Yet I did make it to court this morning, and to my glee club this evening, and there is food to eat and clothes to wear and friends helping keep me on an even keel.
I wonder sometimes if Gabby has any idea just how much she hurt me.
-0-
I Ching tonight is "Fu, Returning". It's binary 1. The notion of returning is easy enough to obtain. The hexagrams are steps on an ever repeating cycle, like inhale and exhale, sunrise and sunset. The previous hexagram represented pure flow, receptiveness, and was entirely bereft of yang. Fu is the return of the light element, the very first molecules of air entering the lungs after they have rested emtpy long enough and the new inhale begins. It's still more empty than not, but it's not entirely empty.
At the hexagram level we have as the private, ingroup, unconscious trigram "Chen", which is thunder, that which arouses, and also the energy of the young male child. For the public, outgroup, conscious trigram we have Chuan again, as we will for the next six days too. One nice thing about this kind of a walk-through the hexagrams is the trigrams automatically line up as eight sets of eight, giving eight days in a row to contemplate a given trigram in the public, outgroup, conscious position while varying the private, ingroup, unconscious trigram. As a structured meditation that is a pretty good system, to imagine keeping the same outer face while noticing the inner faces varying.
An affection from my last stroll through the hexagrams comes back to mind, and I think I will keep it: "Soon it will change".
Out
Sun Jan 8 17:28:03 PST 2012
Working on the long range to do list again. Also finishing up an i ching casting which will result in K'un doubled. And tomorrow I am going to the 9th Circuit, oddly enough, planning to be totally passive and receptive, going there to model and absorb. It's a darned fine harbinger.
Had thought to put the to do list on the blog, but that's probably too personal, so, no. But I can say that I really feel drawn of late to let Foonberg be the topic of my more or less routine blogging. On those days nothing else moves me I can always read some Foonberg until I'm worked up enough for a quick post here.
Looks as though I'll have internet here later this week, which will change things yet again. It's been odd, starting the year without net access where I sleep. A nice change, truly, although I know it's just a break. The criterion of capitalizing on extant skill sets and resources requires that I not be off the grid too much longer. On the contrary, an oh-three call time for morning coffee and social media was a plan when I thought I was settling in in Signal Hill. It's still a pretty good idea for me, and I guess I'm here saying so now because I plan to put that in place in about nine and a half hours.
The hard part for me, of course, is the heat. If it's too much warmer in bed than out I just won't get out of bed. Forget characterizing it for now, just accept it. So I have to try to lay out my morning the night before.
I have it on good authority that wearing the suit w/o a belt will look better than wearing my leather belt with the silver buckle with the suit. I could always say it's from too many trips to X Court in Y county, you know, one of those ones that make you take off your shoes and belt even if you're the Pope...
Wasn't sure how to punctuate that one. A question mark seemed too much, a period too little, the elipses not quite rising enough but the tentativeness or hesitancy of them seemed to offset the not quite right intonation. All of which can _only_ be justified by a truly *Ericksonian* attention to +nuances+ of -pitCH- and ^rhythm^. Now, about those pear shaped tones?
Lots of Tao, inscrutable I Ching (the Shaughnessy which reads more like a bad dream journal from an alien culture)(which is to say it's likely the truest translation one can hope for, but it is opaque beyond mere inscrutability), and a +hefty+ dose of Erickson this weekend.
Since today's hexagram ends on K'un I'm thinking it would be a great time to get back on sync with the I Ching, just for me. Here's a quick review of some of my thinking:
Yin and yang can reasonably be thought of as inhale and exhale. There are arguments for assigning either label to each portion of the breath cycle, but for now let it be as if holding the lungs empty at the end of an exhale is, well, empty, and thus yin. The inhale sees a reduction of yin with an increase of yang, and we'll discuss characterization of this later. For now let this part of the breath cycle remain unnamed. When no more yang can be received the lungs are full and not yet exhaling, call this yang. Now the exhale begins and yang spills out while yin increases and at the end of the exhale, lungs empty and at complete effortless rest, call this yin. Yin and yang represent the unifying universal energy as it first distinguishes, defines, differentiates into this and that. Commonly these principles are cast in better known opposites of good and evil or woman and man or dark and light. Such characterizations miss the point and muddy the conversation. Breath is a better beginning, then, for the seeming opposites of inhale and exhale, of empty lungs and full lungs, are easily and unavoidably so tied to each other as to never point away from their actual unity as breath.
Let a line segment represent yang. Let a broken line segment represent yin. Yin looks like two smaller yangs with a space between them. That is not yin. Yin is the space between, ready to receive, perhaps to unite and take new material still on either end, or perhaps just to fill the middle as it lay. Either way, yin is not broken, and yin certainly isn't weak. Only yin can receive yang.
Because we like to make things harder, since breathing in and breathing out isn't enough, let's look a little more at the breath cycle. Empty lungs, filling lungs, full lungs, emptying lungs. Yin, changing yin, yang, changing yang. That's one way to say it. We can double up the lines to get these four options. Two yang lines, one above the other, call that lungs full. Two yin lines, lungs empty. It's simple binary. Yin is zero, and we have the higher powers on top of the stack. So, double yin, empty lungs, yang line on bottom with yin line above, filling lungs. Two yang lines? Full lungs. Yang line on top of yin line? Emptying lungs, exhale, breathe out, changing yang.
Having attained yin, changing yin, yang, and changing yang, let's take it two to the third, add a new line on top and generate the gua (and, yeah, I probably ought to spell it right and link it to wikipedia, but I'm composing offline and, anyway, would rather not indulge in such side trips at the moment). My treatment of the gua is so far from any lineage or tradition as to almost require me to use a different name, but that too would be a distraction. So the gua it is, eight of them. And now we invoke both gender and status. With the Hofstadters looking over our spiritual shoulders.
- THE GUA: Three lines each, either a broken one or a solid one, gives us a type of base two system, in which three broken lines stacked upon each other can be seen as zero, with three stacked solid lines as seven. We'll work this out in detail as we visit each as a separate entity. For now we look at the set of eight. The traditional readings would see these eight as the Brady Bunch, with Mother, Father, and three children of each sex. But the traditional readings are from an alien culture and read like a bad dream journal. The good news is we have extensive interpretations of those dream journals. The bad news is that those interpretations themselves often read like a confused dream journal from an alien culture. (Breathe, breathe, breathe...)
Dissatisfied as I am, arrogant as any of the self-taught, I see it this way, for now: The triple yin and triple yang are easy enough to place. Borrowing from traditional interpretations but not being bound by them, I think of sets with two yin and one yang as being defined by that which differs, thus being yang. Where the yang line is bottom of three, it is a man-child. Where the yang line is in the middle, it is a man. Where the yang line is on top of two yin, that is an old man. Same for one yin with two yang, woman-child, woman, old woman. This is a key departure from the received texts and puts me probably into an easily marginalized realm of heresy. No matter. It's a better fit for our times.
Now that we have the eight trigrams, the ba gua, we get the hexagrams by doubling trigrams. For example, if I stacked a set of three broken lines on top of another set of three broken lines you'd get K'un...no, wait, I've got the Shaugnessy, and exactly that which makes it unfulfilling is that which makes it the best with which to work, a fragmented dream journal from an alien culture, only you are the alien who wrote it's unearthly symbols, so...Chuan - The Flow
- -
- -
- -
- -
- -
- -I'm a little stymied. I could, in fact, copy the main line of the Shaugnessy each of the next 64 days. I think I could make the fair use claim. And the truth is, I am trying to study this stuff, soak it up, drink it in, the better to share it with others and use it for myself. But it's so unique that I won't be happy until I get my Chinese friends to review Shaugnessy. 'Til then, well, I guess I'll let it go with Shaugnessy's titles and then riff on my own thinking.
This is zero, the beginning, ultimate emptiness (which many find quite frightening, emptiness, potential, unknown), receptive. At least that's what most of my reading has lead me to believe. Now I read it should be "The Flow". That's what comes of poking one's nose into mystic dream journals from alien cultures. I'll just take this as an opportunity to go meta.
One way to look at an I Ching hexagram is to see it as comprised of two trigrams. This allows us to play with the notion of varying eight known entities, themselves variations on the four phases of yin, filling yin, yang, and emptying yang, in turn resting gently on the simple basic distinction between this and that, inhale and exhale. In this example we have a single trigram repeated. One way to think of this is that the top trigram represents a public face, the conscious mind, that which interacts with others overtly, with the bottom trigram then representing private thoughts, the protective unconscious, that which interacts with others covertly or not at all. Or, it could be that the top trigram is outgroup and the bottom is ingroup. Or maybe some intersection of public/outgroup|private/ingroup, which, put that way, begins to look a little redundant. Looking at Chuan - The Flow this way we have a congruence of the public with the private, the ingroup face with the outgroup face, and all can be summed up as surfing the tao or going with the flow or being receptive of all that comes one's way. This hexagram is one of two straightforward answers to any question one might ask of the oracle, this answer is the clear "no". Six solid lines we have a clear yes. Taking into account the phenomenon of changing lines, which brings the experience of filling the lungs and emptying them to the level of each of the six lines of the trigram and arguably converts the options from 2 to the 6th into 4 to the 6th, that's a pretty small percentage of answers which are clear. The rest are shades of maybe, which is why elsewhere I've written of the I Ching as "The 4k Maybe". I might still use that for a title.
Some of this is re-write, which bugs a bit, but I'm not sure where the other stuff is and I think I've got a better system now so I'll just do this one again. Besides, the material is timeless and Confucious himself said he wished he'd spent more time with it. I have that time, for now.
Not sure what that means about my Foonberg Study blog, nor even the rest of the to do list. For now it's get ready for bed. Big week starting next week, and planning to be up early to work on my social media. Might even head to Denny's for early log on. And, yes, Virginia, I think I'll be endeavoring to sleep from seven to three most nights this week, because I can. (Except tomorrow night, 'cause of glee club.
Out
Sun Jan 8 12:05:15 PST 2012
A little music from the house next door. Except it's January 8, hardly Summer here on the West Coast. Yet here I sit, blogging on the patio, a neighbor's music barely in my right ear, my own from in the house mostly in my left, neither reaching strongly enough to compete with the other, especially not when I am engaged in the keyboard.
Had a nice txt exchange with GP earlier this morning ("one-nuthin'!") which heartens me. I know relations must in some ways normalize someday, but right now it surprises me each and every time how much it hurts, to talk to her, to not talk to her, to have her be nice, to have her not be nice, all of it. I think some part of her just doesn't get (and, yes, I know it's not nice to talk in the third person when I'm reasonably certain she'll see this post eventually) that having thrown me away two seasons in a row I have some rather mixed and in some cases not entirely resolved feelings about her. Sure, the second best decorative element in my home is that damnable koi painting, second only to Grandma Link's stained glass. But that is probably as much a statement about the processing I'm doing as it is a sign of how well I'm taking things.
I'm taking things as well as I know how, given what I'm given. Without going into details, I am given much more than I would ever have had the nerve to request, and so I really don't want to complain, especially if the complaints of really of the nature of adjusting to a new reality than of the nature of things that can in themselves be righted.
Amphigory. "Only public knowledge" really does put a damper on the self-expression. Say less, with more words.
Or not. Think I'll go read a little more "My Voice Will Go With You". I need Milton right about now probably more than I need Foonberg.
Out
Sat Jan 7 14:44:21 PST 2012
1969's "Ummagumma" by Pink Floyd is getting its first run at my ears, while I peruse some docs on implications of bankruptcy in family law. Sunny but cool here today, and it's actually a pretty nice day and I'm fine letting it go at that.
Out
Fri Jan 6 21:09:19 PST 2012
John and the lads, not Smokey, and me when I think I can't make it sound bad.
Mithrandir and Nimue? Galadriel and Merlin? Parsed as Disney-Attorney-Dollars-Net? (Notice how quick the rat jumped to get back the Burroughs it let slip away.)(And, yes, Hermione is not in this post because it will always feel just wrong on so many wonderful levels.)
The Rev. Al Green is signalling to me the end of this playlist and I think that's adequate. I've actually got an early call time. Sweet dreams, world.
Out
Thu Jan 5 06:58:30 PST 2012
Well, that sucks. I thought I posted and uploaded yesterday from *$, but apparently not. Worse, save for that one omission it was one of my most productive days in weeks. Oh well. Here I am, getting the daily blog post in. Stunning sunrise this morning on the way to the office to help ftuff envelopes. As I parked I thought:
I need less distraction,
more traction
less slip, more gripExcept of course where that's not the case.
Out
Tue Jan 3 21:12:44 PST 2012
At this point I think blogging has become an adl for me. Business stuff may go on hold for the holiday, but blogging continues, even if off line.
Hoping to get on a more reliable net soon, meanwhile, I blog daily, even if I only upload a couple time a week. It's the best I've got. And at least it's writing.
But although I got up early, and although I had a generally productive and encouraging day, I am now up too late for my planned tomorrow, and thus am cutting out with this short note. Tomorrow looks to be a substantively more productive day.
Out
Mon Jan 2 18:33:12 PST 2012
Yeah, this really is a fainthearted effort. Dragged myself out of an early bed so I'd at least have kept this promise to myself. I've been avoiding making such promises because my situation has been in such amazing flux. Now it's 2012 (and someone needs to give the Mayans a new DayTimer(tm)) and I am ready to move on. It is time. There is a bright future waiting for me to step through to it.
Last night as I fell asleep I found myself thinking of Gabriela and her touching emotional response to "Feed the Birds" in "Mary Poppins".
"Silence in the studio!", says the voice on the speakers, from Pink Floyd's "Atom Heart Mother". I really do dig this piece of work. Good pick to follow "Rubber Soul" as my sleepy-time discs for the night. Been an exciting day...and I realize I don't really need to share any of the best of it. Suffice to say I'm looking forward to getting my own DayTimer(tm) in order tomorrow, as well as my larger todo list for the year and generally get the heck back on track from this crazy end to 2011.
Out
Sun Jan 1 22:52:18 PST 2012
Feels a little like bending the rules: I'm blogging, but won't be able to upload until the 2nd, maybe even the 3rd. Long story and not really of interest to anyone not already more or less involved and in the know. Which sounds evasive, I understand, but is the best I can do at the moment.
I've always said the 6th was more or less my cut off point for Gabby. If I don't have a case number by then I'll probably have to just file a fee waiver (which the court will eventually get from GP anyway) and then...yeah, still try for the disso first. It's really in everyone's best interest to get this over and done with. So I really do want to do my part.
Today's Te-Tao reading included one of my absolute favorite lines, "Be sharp but do not stab". I've always felt that applied with special force to me. I mean and hope to avoid states of being in which my energy spikes and crashes with no connection to any observable cycle, at least so far as civilians and non-intimates can see. Last night was hard, but it was meant to be. I am trying to neither avoid nor seek, I am trying not to be too attached to the pursuit of non-attachmnet.
Which, again, sounds like evasive crap. I get how that used to bother some folks. I mean, yeah, it's fluff. It's meant for the moment. It only works in context of that then those thems there. And anyway, it's not like it's news that I like to play with words. Or with people's minds. I don't stipulate a distinction, as I never saw a word without a mind, nor vice versa.
Perhaps that's enough for the night? I am sleepy, and tomorrow will be an odd day, personally and energetically. The Rose Parade apparently has as one of its by-laws a clause precluding holding the parade on a Sunday. No doubt this is a carryover from Pasadena's "soundownder town" days. Be that as it may, up here its as if February 29 has already come, extending New Years Eve and Day into a three day event.
I hope these posts become, well, better writing. I think there is a new stability in my life that will allow this to properly open up a channel to my unconscious that will serve to make me a better lawyer and a better person. That's the goal. No point in bothering otherwise. God knows there's enough words out there in the world already. It's still very odd to me, the set of constraints I have placed on myself, the opposing objectives of total candid transparency and truth demanded of all worthwhile writing, and the total committment to "do no harm" with which I was saddled as early back as I can remember.
Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, here's something I couldn't have done even a week ago:
Georgie Porgie, puddin' 'n' pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran awayMrs. Squire, where ever you may be, I can forgive you, after all this time, and am sorry I hit on you so hard. I was only in the first grade and really didn't know any better. Still not entirely sure where I modeled that in the first place, but it sure seems to go back pretty far.
No matter. The point being that some aspects of this journey have been pretty damned hard of late, while others have been awe inspiring, and I can say and do and think things I simply hadn't allowed myself for longer than I can remember. I endeavor to perservere despite adversity. I know so dearly how impossibly this would all be without the help of those who have rallied around me. I am lucky. I am grateful. And I endeavor to make myself a vessel for wisdom.
Out
Sat Dec 31 07:36:34 PST 2011
Last day of 2011, but it's 2010 that's most on my mind. I said for the first part of '11 that '10 was my best year ever: Took the bar a third time and passed, got an inscribed book from Jon Winokur hours before learning I had passed, got legally married to GP after years of legally required waiting. Best year of the first 46. I should leave it at that.
Out
Fri Dec 30 19:57:28 PST 2011
Stream of consciousness? Here? Now? Not hardly! But I feel the letter and spirit of this space too strongly to let me cop out with so little. I am in fact tired, but also wishing to use some of _your_ words here, in this space, so write me, txt me, email me, get a couple of old oatmeal thingies and some string. Your presence is requested. You know whom you are.
While I'm on the topic of distant love, Shams 93, June 14, Long Beach. It's on facebook, look for Shams 93 or Sander Wolff.
Out (rev 20111230:20:04)
Thu Dec 29 20:28:10 PST 2011
"The Long Day is Over"
Not really, 'though. Nora couldn't have known about my clothes in the dryer.
I'm reaccessing my Shaw. My Heinlein. Nothing so formal as an inner circle of the mind, just a couple of sharp examples I could do worse than to follow.
I am trying to be genuine. But I am no less vulnerable to phenomena like imposter syndrome as any other and I never pretended otherwise.
Switching to XP on the good speakers, which are also the good monitor, which means, yes, I get some milkdrop tonight. Man's gotta do what...wait, no, don't go there, I didn't mean to write anything anyone could experience transferrence with. Except everything I write 'cause that's the point of writing.
Fluff, probably, but it works for me, it's words in a row, and it's well on the right side of blood-letting and non-consensual couplings.
Yeah, probably not "Twighlight Safe", which ought to be registered trademark for exactly that treacly sweet spot between, well, under-age erotica and, well, under-age erotica. I've avoided sending a manuscript to publishers for moren'a decade for exactly that reason. I in fact tried to make it as steamy as possible, 'cause, dammit, those parts in fact were steamy. Just like the koi fish are cool and Oscar rides with me more than I with he.
I do not mean to be aggressive, but, well, we all know what I'm like when I think someone is hurting my wife, and I think GP is in fact making bad things worse and to a point long long since being something reasonable people can overlook. So whether it is a summary disso or a "full divorce", whether she pays a lot or a little, I really can't care, and if I do that's my problem, not anyone else's. I didn't want any kind of divorce until she quit coming to therapy.
And again, then, with that "public knowledge/private knowledge" line. Is it really true that once you've blabbed it to your wife in your sleep it can't be excluded the same for 4th Amendment grounds? Can't quite put my finger on what I'm thinking. I think Heinlein showed us what he thought of writers, so we know where I get some of my eccentricities from. But by virtue of having Heinlein behind me I have no dread of dear la Luna, she remains as she ever was but we have conquered our fears of her pull on our bodies, on our minds.
Out
Thu Dec 29 19:35:06 PST 2011
"LEAVE NOW"? Nah, but, well, submodal subtextual sublimations and other distractors:
My prayer is to perfect my love poems
so the only writing
I need do
is that which pays
and that which pleases You.Devotionals.
Out (rev 20111229:19:40)
Thu Dec 29 19:05:20 PST 2011
Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast" (a sample of which I've used as an alarm for a while now) is in fact, "Breakfast in Los Angeles", according to the voice on teh track before the eating and drinking noises start. That makes it, "Breakfast in America", but in 1970, by Floyd instead of Supertramp.
Out
Thu Dec 29 15:13:17 PST 2011
Well, getting here a little earlier than yesterday. GP and I continue to fail to find harmony, and her latest note (and, if this is one of the posts you read, GP, apologies for talking about you as if you weren't here) says yesterday's exchange caused her to reconsdier going with a summary disso. I balked yesterday at learning she had already put up $2.5k to get this divorce going, when there really wasn't any need to pay anything except court costs. Now she's trying to make it my fault that we're doing it the costly way? Feh. The only reason we're divorcing at all is she threw me on the dust heap twice in six months. The only reason we spend a penny more than necessary is because she can't keep her temper.
For my part, I probably shouldn't post on any day about any communication received from GP that same day. Having got this far, I'll just sign off here and see if I can't find something productive to do with my time besides droning on about stupid stuff.
Out
Wed Dec 28 23:45:29 PST 2011
Someone remind me to do this earlier tomorrow. I'm freakin' beat right now. Great talk with SH tonight, and a not entirely unproductive day. Still having trouble getting communications with GP. She called to tell me about an email she sent. I know she doesn't mean to be cruel (and I know you read here some times) but I don't think she always puts much thought into how it affects me to speak with her. I hope she has a nice trip, but I didn't really need to be in a position to wonder who "we" is, and, honestly kind of wish she's just sent the email and given it 36 hours for me to reply.
Probably I could say that better. But I gotta be up in the morning and it's late right now so I'll have to let it stand as written for now.
Out
Tue Dec 27 19:03:07 PST 2011
Couldn't tell the sweet young thing they'd given to much shelf to M. Night and not enough to Zeck. Seriously, "The Last Airbender" v "Sucker-Punch"? Hand's effin' down.
Told a friend with a teen that I endeavor to make this blog friend-with-a-teen safe. Or visibly armed and dangerous. He'd be down with that at least so long as I was plausibly in compliance with Federal and State statute.
Hope everyone got a good view of la Luna (and happy to recieve supportive criticism about other ways to refer to one thought harsh by some but beloved of me)(and mine). Moorcock?
Distracted, but feeling like I really ought to complete the movie, give its due for having started it tonight. It's not "Lawrence of Arabia", but neither is it a broadcast w/ laughtrack sitcom. Some of the color choices are downright "Mars Attacks", and I mean that as a compliment. (I'm thinking specifically of the "Code Name: 'Kitchen Knife'" segment's bomb controls.)
Look, it's not really like I'm that much of a misanthrope that I just gratuitously want to see people die. I'm just saying that if you lead hearts, play hearts. Lead diamonds, play diamonds. Right? Most folks in Hollywood start a movie like this, they cheat out some kind of happy ending. No such easy out here. And the jerk-off "but, wait!" of the wobbly top in "Inception"? Nothing, not a gosh-darned thing compared with the opening and closing of this hypersonic stratospheric merry-go-round of a film.
Getting a little table-tipping phenom. Not one I'd ever really thought about. I guess it's the same, generally, as Ouija. It's really just that I'm working on an ironing board, sitting horse stance 'cause the stretch feels good.
Uh, was the David Lean gratuitious? Or just one smart dude acknowleding those who came before him?
Out
Mon Dec 26 19:52:10 PST 2011
"I'm so tired, but I can't sleep."
Nothin' so deep for me as for Sarah, just that I realized if I didn't do laundry before bed I wouldn't have any work shirts. For that reflex I thank my years with GP. Since I have to do laundry, I might as well stick around here, work on this and that, multi-task (but careful with the knees, eh?)
Somehow that song, "I Will Remember You" got picked up for Columbine, right? So while I'm grooving on it in my own context, for others it's, well, icky at best. But I knew it pre-420 (?) as "from the Brothers McMullen Soundtrack!" I suppose I feel attached to Sarah's oeuvre second only to Heinlein's, because hers is the one I have the most exposure to as a body rather than in time really with the larger culture. I'm not putting that well. Somehow I caught the Heinlein wave at a time to let me really appreciate his body of work as a body of work, as a soul in motion, very much like the long pink worms Heinlein himself wrote of in "Life Line". Somehow I caught Sarah McLachlan on a similar wave, and while I know I will not see the end of her days before mine, I think of her in larger terms. Bowie too.
"Feels just like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground."
Full of grace, a goal more than something I can pretend to always be.
Out
Mon Dec 26 18:48:46 PST 2011
My day started with a nice bit of shutterbugging at my Muse's suggestion, a goldenpinkcloudfluff outside my window where before I had thought, "Thick marine layer." Appreciating how much there is to be learned by recognizing and correcting my errors, I hied outside to take as many pictures as my little cameraphone battery was up for, about 190, plus a voice recording. Now I see how close I came going to bed without blogging and I'm a tad upset. Well, not upset, but un-"going-to-bed"-ed. Instead I think I'll keep on the social media wave, maybe take another stab at getting thunderbird working. I read on a search that it's a "do you or don't you put the @domain.top after the username" inconsistency with the GUI. I haven't managed it so far, neither has anyone I would expect to be in the demographic.
I'm wondering, while I'm here thinking more or less out loud, if that "won't use it in nuclear plants" bit from the old java tos was like the apocryphal van Halen "no brown M&Ms" clause. I wonder if they (the other members of that 2009 BHBA teleconference) thought I was bullshitting them? I wonder if I could prove that I read what I recall? I wonder if I really should put a question mark at the end of a sentence beginning with, "I wonder..."
"Breakfast in America" on the mac. Can't get sound out of arwen, quite annoyed. Head has not really be in the right space for anything tremendously technical. Next week should be better than last, however, and that should be true for many weeks to come. So, welcome the return of a crescent of light on la Luna tonight, flow with the flow, ebb with the ebb, wax and wane as need be, all the while cling to the whole.
Out
Sun Dec 25 22:17:41 PST 2011
sing a song of secrets
never kept before
tell me now of hiding
where once all was shown and known
where once i said to bleach bones
with sunshine on the porch
now i grapple devils
my thoughts
and curb them, leash them, bind them, cage them
and all the words that spill alongI do not lay up treasures on Earth
I do not lay up treasures in Heaven
I do not lay up treasures, but pray they
Instead are spread far and wideOne, Two, Three, Four
FiveSixSevenEight
nineteneleven
the therapist asked my number
I unthinkingly replied, "one"
but didn't notice the shift until too lateTue Dec 27 19:03:07 PST 2011
Couldn't tell the sweet young thing they'd given to much shelf to M. Night and not enough to Zeck. Seriously, "The Last Airbender" v "Sucker-Punch"? Hand's effin' down.
Told a friend with a teen that I endeavor to make this blog friend-with-a-teen safe. Or visibly armed and dangerous. He'd be down with that at least so long as I was plausibly in compliance with Federal and State statute.
Hope everyone got a good view of la Luna (and happy to recieve supportive criticism about other ways to refer to one thought harsh by some but beloved of me)(and mine). Moorcock?
Distracted, but feeling like I really ought to complete the movie, give its due for having started it tonight. It's not "Lawrence of Arabia", but neither is it a broadcast w/ laughtrack sitcom. Some of the color choices are downright "Mars Attacks", and I mean that as a compliment. (I'm thinking specifically of the "Code Name: 'Kitchen Knife'" segment's bomb controls.)
Look, it's not really like I'm that much of a misanthrope that I just gratuitously want to see people die. I'm just saying that if you lead hearts, play hearts. Lead diamonds, play diamonds. Right? Most folks in Hollywood start a movie like this, they cheat out some kind of happy ending. No such easy out here. And the jerk-off "but, wait!" of the wobbly top in "Inception"? Nothing, not a gosh-darned thing compared with the opening and closing of this hypersonic stratospheric merry-go-round of a film.
Getting a little table-tipping phenom. Not one I'd ever really thought about. I guess it's the same, generally, as Ouija. It's really just that I'm working on an ironing board, sitting horse stance 'cause the stretch feels good.
Uh, was the David Lean gratuitious? Or just one smart dude acknowleding those who came before him?
Out
Mon Dec 26 19:52:10 PST 2011
"I'm so tired, but I can't sleep."
Nothin' so deep for me as for Sarah, just that I realized if I didn't do laundry before bed I wouldn't have any work shirts. For that reflex I thank my years with GP. Since I have to do laundry, I might as well stick around here, work on this and that, multi-task (but careful with the knees, eh?)
Somehow that song, "I Will Remember You" got picked up for Columbine, right? So while I'm grooving on it in my own context, for others it's, well, icky at best. But I knew it pre-420 (?) as "from the Brothers McMullen Soundtrack!" I suppose I feel attached to Sarah's oeuvre second only to Heinlein's, because hers is the one I have the most exposure to as a body rather than in time really with the larger culture. I'm not putting that well. Somehow I caught the Heinlein wave at a time to let me really appreciate his body of work as a body of work, as a soul in motion, very much like the long pink worms Heinlein himself wrote of in "Life Line". Somehow I caught Sarah McLachlan on a similar wave, and while I know I will not see the end of her days before mine, I think of her in larger terms. Bowie too.
"Feels just like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground."
Full of grace, a goal more than something I can pretend to always be.
Out
Mon Dec 26 18:48:46 PST 2011
My day started with a nice bit of shutterbugging at my Muse's suggestion, a goldenpinkcloudfluff outside my window where before I had thought, "Thick marine layer." Appreciating how much there is to be learned by recognizing and correcting my errors, I hied outside to take as many pictures as my little cameraphone battery was up for, about 190, plus a voice recording. Now I see how close I came going to bed without blogging and I'm a tad upset. Well, not upset, but un-"going-to-bed"-ed. Instead I think I'll keep on the social media wave, maybe take another stab at getting thunderbird working. I read on a search that it's a "do you or don't you put the @domain.top after the username" inconsistency with the GUI. I haven't managed it so far, neither has anyone I would expect to be in the demographic.
I'm wondering, while I'm here thinking more or less out loud, if that "won't use it in nuclear plants" bit from the old java tos was like the apocryphal van Halen "no brown M&Ms" clause. I wonder if they (the other members of that 2009 BHBA teleconference) thought I was bullshitting them? I wonder if I could prove that I read what I recall? I wonder if I really should put a question mark at the end of a sentence beginning with, "I wonder..."
"Breakfast in America" on the mac. Can't get sound out of arwen, quite annoyed. Head has not really be in the right space for anything tremendously technical. Next week should be better than last, however, and that should be true for many weeks to come. So, welcome the return of a crescent of light on la Luna tonight, flow with the flow, ebb with the ebb, wax and wane as need be, all the while cling to the whole.
Out
Sun Dec 25 22:17:41 PST 2011
sing a song of secrets
never kept before
tell me now of hiding
where once all was shown and known
where once i said to bleach bones
with sunshine on the porch
now i grapple devils
my thoughts
and curb them, leash them, bind them, cage them
and all the words that spill alongI do not lay up treasures on Earth
I do not lay up treasures in Heaven
I do not lay up treasures, but pray they
Instead are spread far and wideOne, Two, Three, Four
FiveSixSevenEight
nineteneleven
the therapist asked my number
I unthinkingly replied, "one"
but didn't notice the shift until too lateOut
Sun Dec 25 10:22:13 PST 2011
I have a recurring dream: The bomb is falling, Gabby and I are in different parts of town, and I spend my final seconds telling her I love as best I can, praying she can hear me across space and time, praying she is loved and comforted, praying the transition is easy. Not worried about my own death, if anything, happy to have had the warning so I can use the time well...trying to reach her on the psychic hotline so that she knows in her deepest soul that I love her.
So, sure, of course I had that fucking dream last night. Merry fucking christmas.
Have had a _great_ morning with the folks, and despite the howling pain in my heart I'm ok. Doing what I need to do to get through. Trying to channel all my helpers, trying to start with accessing resources, in myself if naught else. Shower time. Maybe a load of whites first. But done with this post for now.
Out
Sun Dec 25 00:03:13 PST 2011
Really just came down here to close up, but might as well say, "Merry Christmas" while I'm here. It's not the easiest holiday I've ever had, but I'm still here and doing my best to keep moving forward. Have been quite enjoying a lengthy chat with SH, but now it's time for bed. And in the morning? I've got a box from the great frozen North...a box of chess books, to be exact. Looking forward to getting into them.
I'm going to say it: I'm sorry if our being apart makes the holidays harder for GP. I wouldn't want that. I want her to be happy and healthy, and despite what she may think about her prospects, I hope she finds love, finds a partner who really does click for her.
And I want the same things for me. That starts with getting myself back on my own two feet, and really pushing in 2012.
35 minute 5k this afternoon. The real test, of course, is what I can get to Monday. Still trying to at least make the Pasadena 1/2 Marathon in February. Felt really good to run today, that's the truth.
Bed time. Merry Christmas, world.
Out
Sat Dec 24 19:23:28 PST 2011
Anyone under the age of consent in any jurisdiction to which they might ever be hypothetically or otherwise subject, LEAVE NOW.
Reading further is a volitional act of consent. If you did not intend to give that consent as currently received, LEAVE NOW.
Still here? Seriously, what's it take these days? L E A V E N O W unless you _really_ just want to see what's next...
...
Kindof waiting to see myself what's next. It sure looks like I'll be moving to Sierra Madre, just down hill from my favorite Val. That's not meant to be cryptic, 'cause really, it isn't, and I know where and with whom this is nothing but public knowledge.
It's actually a really fucking high hurdle to reach, especially in my line of work. I'm supposed to never say anything that isn't already in the public sphere, and if saying something that is in the public sphere would in some way prejudice the interests of a past, present, or current client, then I must not so say, regardless my 1st Amendment rights. That's part of the deal: Join the club, with abridged rights. I happen to honest-to-Gandhi believe it's a good deal, as it helps offset, however much, the tendency towards the venal in our profession. I'm still amazed that we need a rule saying, "You can't demand sex in exchange for representation", in clear violation of the right of peaceful assembly. I know, it's not in vogue to notice the political nature of all sexual congress (wince) but I assure you it is there. Hence, an adequate start on an argument supporting any consensual sex (at least in a system that presumes under age cannot consent, rendering "consenting minor" an oxymoron).
Anyway, trying to port some tunes from one hd to the other. "Dark Side..." was perfect for this X-mas eve New Moon, wherever my Queen might be on such a night.
Out
Sat Dec 24 18:41:34 PST 2011
Anyone under the age of consent in any jurisdiction to which they might ever be hypothetically or otherwise subject, LEAVE NOW.
Reading further is a volitional act of consent. If you did not intend to give that consent as currently received, LEAVE NOW.
Still here? Seriously, what's it take these days? Tyre gets away with a simple "Nothing to see here". But I never claimed to really belong in that pool.
Balanced on the biggest wave, race toward an early grave.
Prolly oughtta mark that out with some kind of reveal codes magic (we call it html, here'bouts) but I'm too lazy. Those with sufficient intelligence or imagination will know that my musical selection is driven by the approaching new moon, at 22:06 my time. Not that I'm confusing tonight's newly darkened moon with the side that is never lit, just sayin' I'm definitely more aware now of sweet la Luna as a muse and mediator than ever before, woman, goddess, Queen.
waaugh
Sat Dec 24 08:14:41 PST 2011
New Moon (no, it's not a "Twilight" novel) at 22:06 today. For now I'm finding the added structure of watching the la Luna's phases helps give me just a little more structure and guidance during this season of upheaval. I could log into nethack and get a warning to be careful due to the new moon's influence, but that doesn't really purport to be anything other than a reminder of how the game itself is keyed to lunar tables. If one only plays nethack three days a month it should be the three during which the moon is regarded by the game as full.
In a similar vein, I've really taken a shining to this system with my new white board. It is strangely comforting to erase prior days, to fill coming days, to see today as poised between the three days before with their lists and crossed out items, to see the next three days, perhaps all empty, perhaps partly filled. It's been wonderfully grounding, not entirely unlike my practice with my beads, but better suited to that amount of monkey mind required to get along in day-to-day life, and let's not pretend one can survive modern times without a fair amount of monkey mind on tap. The trick is to invoke and dismiss it conditionally, provisionally, with specific intent and purpose. No mind or zen mind or that mindfulness which simply observes the rise and fall of various other states of mind or thought, that/these are the aimed for default mind. A leaf in the wind, a dew drop on a leaf, snow slipping from the bamboo leaf when the leaf mindlessly bends under the weight of that same snow, these are perhaps less human, less ego driven, less self-directed visualizations, but they represent a certain acceptance of the realities of the day and, perhaps not accomodation to those realities, but a working with them rather than opposing them.
I made an Oblio's card just before things went South, reading, "Make it Matter". Turns out that's the current advertising slogan for BIOLA. I've seen their billboard a couple of times and smiled. Wonder how they'd feel if they knew they were sharing with the likes of me.
Out
Sat Dec 24 07:58:26 PST 2011
Don't want to project my emotions on to others, nor even particularly do I want to elicit in others similar states, not even inadvertently. So let's talk about the sunny skies, the view from Mum's & Shawn's balcony, a belief that things will get better. It continues to be a rough holiday, and I'm not sure what is on my agenda for today.
I'm thinking a lot about the Dean Moriarty/Neal Cassaday thing, how Kerouac got famous largely, well, at least partly, from the letters of another presented as his own fiction. If Neal hadn't been cool with it, there probably couldn't have been an "On the Road". On the other hand, I didn't much like "On the Road", writing in an early Oblio's Cap card, "I should have left 'On the Road' on the road." Neal is the patron saint of the Kerouac hipsters and the Keysey pranksters, but in the end, well, I don't know that I would have much liked him. The first letter I pulled randomly from the book I received starts with him saying he struck a woman, LuAnn, probably his paramour, in the forhead, breaking his thumb. First, what kind of idiot breaks his thumb hitting anyone or anything? Rookie mistake and not at all consistent with the godlike grace and physicality attributed to NC. Second, what kind of asshole hits a woman, unless she has hit him first and/or displayed a serious and credible threat of some form?
So, while I would love to manifeset any of the grace or style or charisma or whatever other "it" NC had, I have some pretty strong barriers up on that particular role model. He may have got laid a lot more than me, but I never pretended to be that guy.
I continue to struggle with the medium, with the public/private line. It would be easy to do as JK did, simply tell other people's stories as they criss-cross my own. But there are plenty of folks who might not appreciate that, and I suppose that's another reason I lost the writing bug generally and never had the confidence to really dive deep into fiction: The folks whose lives I would rip off will not likely appreciate the attention.
Besides, drafting comlaints is more lucrative, by and large.
waaugh
Fri Dec 23 22:56:42 PST 2011
I'm going to try to get to this earlier tomorrow and henceforth. I hate having to delay going to bed just because I've set this as my practice. Not sure what the parameters of "blog every day" are. I'm pretty sure it's more than putting up some lorem ipsum just to fulfill the letter of the parameters, whatever they are. So I'm playing Norah Jones's 2002 super-album, "Come Away With Me". It's got to be as good for programming the protective unconscious as anything else on my hard drive.
Creeps me out a bit, talking about my hard drive. I don't feel I have as good a control over my filing in general as I'd like, and it's probably not even a good idea to have said so, so here's a mid-sentence, on the fly correction and amendment, I want my files to be better. Who can't say that in all honesty?
Tired. Beer straight to my head, which, of course, is the plan. Sleepy time soon. Big day, truly, but still trying to walk that line between public and private and pretty much all of today is private more than less, so not much to say about today. There's a line like that in the Steve Zissou movie, "What's she write?" "Oh, nothing to speak of." I love that scene.
And, of course, there's lots of stuff about GP that I continue to avoid. I'm doing pretty well and most folks would mistake me for a functioning human being and never notice the gaping chest wound where my heart once was. I don't know how to make any of it better other than to end this paragraph.
I am lost, confused, beaten to a pulp, ready to be made into paper, something to write on. I pray it be love. I pray it be enlightenenlivenempower for each and all. And I dare not simply write, type, let the words come unbidden and unbound spilling free from fingertips too long silenced and deafening. "Was it just the season."
Hmm. It's a Fall song. But this is Winter. "It was just the season." Slide guitar? Who? Why don't I already know?
I'm still on about what I can and can't reasonably untype, when, how, why. Used to be I just did my little induction and let my fingers fucking type. Wasn't trying to be nothing for nobody then. Now I'm trying to be the guy I potentially was all that time. And no one is, so it's already off to a complicated start. I'm in an almost entirely deserted corner of the soon to be un-web (google "sopa" and "eff") yet still responsible for publishing publicly. Anyone who ever read the definition of defamation has reason to be a little jumpy about any and all on line activity. Hell, at some point one's failure to appear in the right IP log will be tantamount to a bogus BBB report.
"Turn me on!" That's Norah, just before "Lonestar". See, this gal was so good I ignored the whole Texas thing. To this day I think this album is the best thing I've heard since the first time I spun "Tapestry" as a child.
But it's getting chilly out here and, besides, it's not nice to the neighbors to be puttering about in the garage with creepy lights into the wee hours. Off to those sleepy clouds of ones preferred color, my preference remaining mine for the nonce.
Thu Dec 22 18:26:24 PST 2011
It's probably a good thing that one or two select folks check daily to make sure I'm still up-and-at-em. I'm here. I'm happier the days I can get my social media in early, but better late than never.
It's hard adjusting to the reality of all this, the enormity of it all. Considering my resources and station I've fairly ambition objectives.
Bowfinger: Imagine a world without likeness rights. Why should I own my face? It's just meat, right? "It's like they can SMELL fifty".
Two grand. $2,184. In cash that's what every movie takes to make. "Where do I go to be an actress?"
It's a silly movie but one very easily projected onto. He even has the prayer beads. Pity I can't do the ponytail.
Need to get a printer set up so I can get my malpractice insurance squared away. And need to spend a little bit of time taking another stab with Thunderbird. I totally failed to get info (at) networking-liberally (dot) com set up on Icedove, but I thought I'd try donwloading and manually installing the real deal.
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:46:40 PST 2011
Part of me really digs this. Part of me is screaming "narcissus much?" It's, uh, a little ambivalent to me. And I really didn't need any more ambivalent. The one that got me a little wigged out was "Accessing Resources". I think it should come before "Boundaries". And I'm not sure why it bugs me to say so, but it does.
Uh, yeah, I really am at the moment thinking my best bet, in lieu of having the intended launch, is to stay on task trying to sleuth it out until either the launch email is off or I see first light of morn. Trying not to disturb my roomates or the neighbors. Readers? Well, you knew it was a dangerous job when you pointed your browser to Oblio's Cap. I might just put all these scripts inline and then point to them. Actually, I'm pretty sure they're already available by way of http directory access, but I seem to have misremembered the path to it just now.
I'm really ambivalent too about my general online footprint. Man, I'd like to have all my shit in the same place. I just wish there were a way to get the goodies I get with dreamhost while staying here with Michal at Cornerhost. I'm just not sure I've been a good enough client/guest.
Truth is, I didn't quite just squelch at self-deprecatory remark so much as notice a space where normally I would have provided some such if only to fill the time. What a terrible thing to notice about oneself. "Wisdom is born of compassion." Yeesh. What the heck was I thinking. I tell ya, that don't sound like the life I remember when I was making these tracks. 'Course, I wasn't a lawyer then. I just acted like one too much for my own good. (Not sure that part's changed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll get my bar fees paid on time.)
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:24:17 PST 2011
The haters will point out that this trouble with icedove argues in favor of the folks who just use Outlook like the borg intended. On the other hand, doing things my way I've got some great tracks to listen to, and I've been able to blog and email.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe these things are worth more than I ever considered. I assumed anyone could take my method and create as good or better, especially considering the level of the production values. Don't get me wrong, Steve's work on the music absolutely rocked, rocks, and all other tenses of rock my world. But the conditions were primitive. Somewhere I've got an email saying it's all more or less copylefted. I feel like if I put 'em up with a tip jar that I'd have to give him half, and, of course, Pop the other half. Or would it be half to Steve, Half to me, of my half, half to Pop, half to me?
"Some tasks are best left to dreams and hunches." --Boundaries
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 21:59:26 PST 2011
Fri Dec 23 22:56:42 PST 2011
I'm going to try to get to this earlier tomorrow and henceforth. I hate having to delay going to bed just because I've set this as my practice. Not sure what the parameters of "blog every day" are. I'm pretty sure it's more than putting up some lorem ipsum just to fulfill the letter of the parameters, whatever they are. So I'm playing Norah Jones's 2002 super-album, "Come Away With Me". It's got to be as good for programming the protective unconscious as anything else on my hard drive.
Creeps me out a bit, talking about my hard drive. I don't feel I have as good a control over my filing in general as I'd like, and it's probably not even a good idea to have said so, so here's a mid-sentence, on the fly correction and amendment, I want my files to be better. Who can't say that in all honesty?
Tired. Beer straight to my head, which, of course, is the plan. Sleepy time soon. Big day, truly, but still trying to walk that line between public and private and pretty much all of today is private more than less, so not much to say about today. There's a line like that in the Steve Zissou movie, "What's she write?" "Oh, nothing to speak of." I love that scene.
And, of course, there's lots of stuff about GP that I continue to avoid. I'm doing pretty well and most folks would mistake me for a functioning human being and never notice the gaping chest wound where my heart once was. I don't know how to make any of it better other than to end this paragraph.
I am lost, confused, beaten to a pulp, ready to be made into paper, something to write on. I pray it be love. I pray it be enlightenenlivenempower for each and all. And I dare not simply write, type, let the words come unbidden and unbound spilling free from fingertips too long silenced and deafening. "Was it just the season."
Hmm. It's a Fall song. But this is Winter. "It was just the season." Slide guitar? Who? Why don't I already know?
I'm still on about what I can and can't reasonably untype, when, how, why. Used to be I just did my little induction and let my fingers fucking type. Wasn't trying to be nothing for nobody then. Now I'm trying to be the guy I potentially was all that time. And no one is, so it's already off to a complicated start. I'm in an almost entirely deserted corner of the soon to be un-web (google "sopa" and "eff") yet still responsible for publishing publicly. Anyone who ever read the definition of defamation has reason to be a little jumpy about any and all on line activity. Hell, at some point one's failure to appear in the right IP log will be tantamount to a bogus BBB report.
"Turn me on!" That's Norah, just before "Lonestar". See, this gal was so good I ignored the whole Texas thing. To this day I think this album is the best thing I've heard since the first time I spun "Tapestry" as a child.
But it's getting chilly out here and, besides, it's not nice to the neighbors to be puttering about in the garage with creepy lights into the wee hours. Off to those sleepy clouds of ones preferred color, my preference remaining mine for the nonce.
Thu Dec 22 18:26:24 PST 2011
It's probably a good thing that one or two select folks check daily to make sure I'm still up-and-at-em. I'm here. I'm happier the days I can get my social media in early, but better late than never.
It's hard adjusting to the reality of all this, the enormity of it all. Considering my resources and station I've fairly ambition objectives.
Bowfinger: Imagine a world without likeness rights. Why should I own my face? It's just meat, right? "It's like they can SMELL fifty".
Two grand. $2,184. In cash that's what every movie takes to make. "Where do I go to be an actress?"
It's a silly movie but one very easily projected onto. He even has the prayer beads. Pity I can't do the ponytail.
Need to get a printer set up so I can get my malpractice insurance squared away. And need to spend a little bit of time taking another stab with Thunderbird. I totally failed to get info (at) networking-liberally (dot) com set up on Icedove, but I thought I'd try donwloading and manually installing the real deal.
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:46:40 PST 2011
Part of me really digs this. Part of me is screaming "narcissus much?" It's, uh, a little ambivalent to me. And I really didn't need any more ambivalent. The one that got me a little wigged out was "Accessing Resources". I think it should come before "Boundaries". And I'm not sure why it bugs me to say so, but it does.
Uh, yeah, I really am at the moment thinking my best bet, in lieu of having the intended launch, is to stay on task trying to sleuth it out until either the launch email is off or I see first light of morn. Trying not to disturb my roomates or the neighbors. Readers? Well, you knew it was a dangerous job when you pointed your browser to Oblio's Cap. I might just put all these scripts inline and then point to them. Actually, I'm pretty sure they're already available by way of http directory access, but I seem to have misremembered the path to it just now.
I'm really ambivalent too about my general online footprint. Man, I'd like to have all my shit in the same place. I just wish there were a way to get the goodies I get with dreamhost while staying here with Michal at Cornerhost. I'm just not sure I've been a good enough client/guest.
Truth is, I didn't quite just squelch at self-deprecatory remark so much as notice a space where normally I would have provided some such if only to fill the time. What a terrible thing to notice about oneself. "Wisdom is born of compassion." Yeesh. What the heck was I thinking. I tell ya, that don't sound like the life I remember when I was making these tracks. 'Course, I wasn't a lawyer then. I just acted like one too much for my own good. (Not sure that part's changed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll get my bar fees paid on time.)
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:24:17 PST 2011
The haters will point out that this trouble with icedove argues in favor of the folks who just use Outlook like the borg intended. On the other hand, doing things my way I've got some great tracks to listen to, and I've been able to blog and email.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe these things are worth more than I ever considered. I assumed anyone could take my method and create as good or better, especially considering the level of the production values. Don't get me wrong, Steve's work on the music absolutely rocked, rocks, and all other tenses of rock my world. But the conditions were primitive. Somewhere I've got an email saying it's all more or less copylefted. I feel like if I put 'em up with a tip jar that I'd have to give him half, and, of course, Pop the other half. Or would it be half to Steve, Half to me, of my half, half to Pop, half to me?
"Some tasks are best left to dreams and hunches." --Boundaries
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 21:59:26 PST 2011
Fri Dec 23 22:56:42 PST 2011
I'm going to try to get to this earlier tomorrow and henceforth. I hate having to delay going to bed just because I've set this as my practice. Not sure what the parameters of "blog every day" are. I'm pretty sure it's more than putting up some lorem ipsum just to fulfill the letter of the parameters, whatever they are. So I'm playing Norah Jones's 2002 super-album, "Come Away With Me". It's got to be as good for programming the protective unconscious as anything else on my hard drive.
Creeps me out a bit, talking about my hard drive. I don't feel I have as good a control over my filing in general as I'd like, and it's probably not even a good idea to have said so, so here's a mid-sentence, on the fly correction and amendment, I want my files to be better. Who can't say that in all honesty?
Tired. Beer straight to my head, which, of course, is the plan. Sleepy time soon. Big day, truly, but still trying to walk that line between public and private and pretty much all of today is private more than less, so not much to say about today. There's a line like that in the Steve Zissou movie, "What's she write?" "Oh, nothing to speak of." I love that scene.
And, of course, there's lots of stuff about GP that I continue to avoid. I'm doing pretty well and most folks would mistake me for a functioning human being and never notice the gaping chest wound where my heart once was. I don't know how to make any of it better other than to end this paragraph.
I am lost, confused, beaten to a pulp, ready to be made into paper, something to write on. I pray it be love. I pray it be enlightenenlivenempower for each and all. And I dare not simply write, type, let the words come unbidden and unbound spilling free from fingertips too long silenced and deafening. "Was it just the season."
Hmm. It's a Fall song. But this is Winter. "It was just the season." Slide guitar? Who? Why don't I already know?
I'm still on about what I can and can't reasonably untype, when, how, why. Used to be I just did my little induction and let my fingers fucking type. Wasn't trying to be nothing for nobody then. Now I'm trying to be the guy I potentially was all that time. And no one is, so it's already off to a complicated start. I'm in an almost entirely deserted corner of the soon to be un-web (google "sopa" and "eff") yet still responsible for publishing publicly. Anyone who ever read the definition of defamation has reason to be a little jumpy about any and all on line activity. Hell, at some point one's failure to appear in the right IP log will be tantamount to a bogus BBB report.
"Turn me on!" That's Norah, just before "Lonestar". See, this gal was so good I ignored the whole Texas thing. To this day I think this album is the best thing I've heard since the first time I spun "Tapestry" as a child.
But it's getting chilly out here and, besides, it's not nice to the neighbors to be puttering about in the garage with creepy lights into the wee hours. Off to those sleepy clouds of ones preferred color, my preference remaining mine for the nonce.
Thu Dec 22 18:26:24 PST 2011
It's probably a good thing that one or two select folks check daily to make sure I'm still up-and-at-em. I'm here. I'm happier the days I can get my social media in early, but better late than never.
It's hard adjusting to the reality of all this, the enormity of it all. Considering my resources and station I've fairly ambition objectives.
Bowfinger: Imagine a world without likeness rights. Why should I own my face? It's just meat, right? "It's like they can SMELL fifty".
Two grand. $2,184. In cash that's what every movie takes to make. "Where do I go to be an actress?"
It's a silly movie but one very easily projected onto. He even has the prayer beads. Pity I can't do the ponytail.
Need to get a printer set up so I can get my malpractice insurance squared away. And need to spend a little bit of time taking another stab with Thunderbird. I totally failed to get info (at) networking-liberally (dot) com set up on Icedove, but I thought I'd try donwloading and manually installing the real deal.
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:46:40 PST 2011
Part of me really digs this. Part of me is screaming "narcissus much?" It's, uh, a little ambivalent to me. And I really didn't need any more ambivalent. The one that got me a little wigged out was "Accessing Resources". I think it should come before "Boundaries". And I'm not sure why it bugs me to say so, but it does.
Uh, yeah, I really am at the moment thinking my best bet, in lieu of having the intended launch, is to stay on task trying to sleuth it out until either the launch email is off or I see first light of morn. Trying not to disturb my roomates or the neighbors. Readers? Well, you knew it was a dangerous job when you pointed your browser to Oblio's Cap. I might just put all these scripts inline and then point to them. Actually, I'm pretty sure they're already available by way of http directory access, but I seem to have misremembered the path to it just now.
I'm really ambivalent too about my general online footprint. Man, I'd like to have all my shit in the same place. I just wish there were a way to get the goodies I get with dreamhost while staying here with Michal at Cornerhost. I'm just not sure I've been a good enough client/guest.
Truth is, I didn't quite just squelch at self-deprecatory remark so much as notice a space where normally I would have provided some such if only to fill the time. What a terrible thing to notice about oneself. "Wisdom is born of compassion." Yeesh. What the heck was I thinking. I tell ya, that don't sound like the life I remember when I was making these tracks. 'Course, I wasn't a lawyer then. I just acted like one too much for my own good. (Not sure that part's changed yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll get my bar fees paid on time.)
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 22:24:17 PST 2011
The haters will point out that this trouble with icedove argues in favor of the folks who just use Outlook like the borg intended. On the other hand, doing things my way I've got some great tracks to listen to, and I've been able to blog and email.
Sometimes I wonder if maybe these things are worth more than I ever considered. I assumed anyone could take my method and create as good or better, especially considering the level of the production values. Don't get me wrong, Steve's work on the music absolutely rocked, rocks, and all other tenses of rock my world. But the conditions were primitive. Somewhere I've got an email saying it's all more or less copylefted. I feel like if I put 'em up with a tip jar that I'd have to give him half, and, of course, Pop the other half. Or would it be half to Steve, Half to me, of my half, half to Pop, half to me?
"Some tasks are best left to dreams and hunches." --Boundaries
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 21:59:26 PST 2011
Uh, I'm thinking of staying up all night and listening to _all_ my "Incantations" recordings. I mean, heck, it's a quality hypnotherapist, recordings a decade old, chock full of positive suggestions. Seriously, I'd listen to this cat.
Still struggling with icedove. Reckon if I was on the mac I'd use fresh thunderbird. I'd love feed back from any of you trusted others out there in that section of my unconscious called the other side of the screen. "Knowing solidly that you deserve success..." It's just plain weird hearing this. I mean, you know, thinking of it less as me the trainer, more as me the psych admit. I can't decide if the music makes it better or worse, I mean, you know, on the nourish-damage line rather than the gain/loss line.
Definitely also chanelling my own personal gonzo tonight. There are few things today that keep the newquelar terrors at bay. So, yeah, it's gonzo, it's R.A.W. quantum, it's Luna Simone. I can't see her as clearly as I'd like, neither crezent nor whole. "And some message sets are naturally more in tune with each other..." Not many people ever actually listened to this, much less with any reason to remember any of it. Consciously. Ah, you know. "Be congruent...open your inner eye."
I guess I can see why I stopped listening to that crap while I was with GP. All she ever heard was "Mind Control" ala literotica, which in turn made it hard to put her at ease. (Apologies, GP, if that doesn't seem properly worded. No harm meant.)
Open Awareness playing at the moment. Feeling pretty good about the serendipity of finding these decade old, pre-nine-one-one, positive suggestion tracks I was more or less channeling. And, duh, while typing "channeling" in the last sentence the speakers cut out or the buffer filled or something. This "Open Awareness" sounds, well, pre- "The Humans Are Dead". How could I know?
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 21:33:45 PST 2011
I'd say I'm feeling like Parsifal in the Seige Perilous, but to tell the truth I don't know that part of the legend well enough to even be sure I have the titles right. Meanwhile, the password reset hasn't propagated yet, so I'm still on hold for the launch email, which has actually become Robert's 11 review and 12 preview. I think that's most respectful of the cross-cut of folks who will be getting it.
I owe GP a txt. I'm fine, but things have been hectic. I know I'll miss you and your brother, and I'm pretty much pretending Christmas doesn't exist this year. Figure better to reply here, since it's past polite txting hours and it's a message I don't mind sharing with the others checking in here from time to time.
A bit bugged about not literally pulling the trigger at 21:30, but I was on task and on track and in truth the deadline as such is truly self-imposed and always meant to give way to reality. Reality is today I did my best to stay out of people's hair and enjoy the holiday, as I don't expect any other holidays to mean much to me for a while. Got some really great shots out by Bolsa Chica, one or two of which might even compell me to set up zenphoto on oblios-cap.com for the burgeoning "portfolio". (Scare quotes because dreamhost's tos, as I recall, explicitly preclude using their service for archiving or storage, so I am in the habit of thinking twice before putting a file on any machine not physically in my possession. But that's just me. I know that can't be most folks's take on the tech.
Trying again on the test email.
waaugh
Wed Dec 21 21:22:59 PST 2011
Trouble configuring icedove. Had to reset passwords for info (at) networking-liberally (dot) com, prior to doing list imports. Think that's resolved now, but have to send a couple test emails to and fro.
While I'm here, I have to say, it was the single most memorable last day of Fall in my 47 so far. Spinning "Wish You Were Here", title track of the eponymous album...and now go to answer a txt.
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 20:23:59 PST 2011
Trimmed version survives at http://networkingliberally.com
I plan tomorrow at 21:30 local to hit send on the http://networking-liberally.com launch email. I'm nervous as heck. What if there's no response? What if there's more response than I know what to do with? Should this post even be here rather than at Oblio's? Probably not, but I can excise as need be.
Our Inaugural Post notwithstanding, we, Networking Liberally, are not a political group, nor (most certainly not!) are we a political action group. What we are is an old fashioned business networking group for folks who have found similar groups perhaps more conservative and less liberal or progressive than they would like. The only difference between us and other groups with internationally recognized names is we put the word "liberally" in our name, to invite with open arms all you business referral networkers, brand new or old school, who like to wear their liberal leanings proudly on their sleeve.
Our sleeves.Probably still over the top. Easy to chicken out. Sleeping on it.
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 19:33:16 PST 2011
I couldn't sleep here, Missus, it's too good for the likes of me.
Okay, I know, it's a little gay. So sue me. I love this film. It's got just enough screaming, evokes just that little smidge of Sade, yet in the end is really a very happy love story. "She only wants to talk of love?"
So I'm supposed to be playing Higgins? Confirmed old bachelor? Who is my Eliza?
Tue Dec 20 17:58:58 PST 2011
I'm feeling oddly constrained as to what I can say today. I've certainly made a beast of myself to some folks, and I hope I am well on the road to making amends. The movie has extra creep factor tonight. I've really been keyed up all day long and mostly just want to go to bed, and probably shouldn't have picked a semi-horror flick. But I'm suddenly wondering if it was before or after "Network". Probably after, it's a fairly derivative flick on that line of analysis. But I think we can safely give DePalma credit for some darned creative work, not entirely lacking in a Greenway sensibility.
I guess the costumers on this last number never saw Amelie, "Fur pie doesn't sell."
So, like I say, I feel constrained to watch more than usual what I say and yet also to be genuine and transparent and all that as per Goldberg and Sher and the rest. It is a puzzlement.
Set and setting. What the hell was I thinking? Urgh. Well, at least I suppose I ought to remember it's in here, my head that is, and it does have a certain crescendo, not unlike Tommy or even JCS. It's just, well, not really pleasant. Now I'm finishing mostly on sheer raw nerve and stamina...and to give the tunes a closer than usual listen on these cans.
Is there a moral here? Or is it just aimed at triggering an emotional response?
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 17:49:00 PST 2011
"Phantom of the Paradise". Lots of subtext there for me to work with, peer through, generally process.
First, before I lose track, let me repeat, Lucas stole the look of Darth not from Doom but from Winslow Leach. Period. Even Leach's recording booth has a special TIE fighter feel to it. Darth Vader is a punk-ass rip-off. You heard it here.
That said, mostly lousy day, but I guess it's to be expected.
Got a song to sing...
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 07:39:52 PST 2011
It occurred to me as I was trimming my beard this morning that the offputting spam from yesterday is probably more a symptom of the Penn State debacle than of anything else. If anything, it suggest to me that there really is value in getting "What's Not To Like" in print sooner rather than later, even if only on this blog.
Tue Dec 20 07:22:10 PST 2011
I still catch myself asking, "Why does this still hurt so much?" And I still feel naked and sometimes a little disoriented without my ring. I know, it will pass. Head down, shoulder to the wheel, hell, most any wheel, so long as it keeps me too busy to notice.
Tue Dec 20 07:10:03 PST 2011
Solstice preparations are the order of the day for me. I have been building up to tomorrow, planning the launch of http://networking-liberally.com. Today I will finalize the home page, probably set up an empty bulletin board or other hangout spot in the .net, and put a donations link on the .org. Maybe. We'll see. I am trying to think ahead, trying to stay scalable, trying to stay productive and efficient, and keeping everything on the free-or-already-paid-for status. I do anticipate it generating a sufficient flurry of activity to help keep me busy for the end of this year and the beginning of the next.
I suppose the biggest concern is how easily response could overwhelm my capacity, not on the site, but on my actual ability to connect and feed into chapters. At present the plan is to announce a SGV/Pasadena chapter in Q1 and a SouthBay/LB chapter in Q2. And, of course, if folks on the list are interested in joining or starting a chapter they can get in touch.
I don't feel ready. But as I likely never will, I will proceed as planned. And, anyway, while it's fine to worry about such possibilities, odds are response will be like any other direct mail and I'll be lucky to get a 1%. Could just be me and Karen at Starbuck San Marino for a couple of weeks. More likely something in the middle.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 23:23:18 PST 2011
So, now I'm a GEICO customer, many thanks to G for the referral. Once that was resolved my stress level finally acheived something like equalibrium.
In case more than one person came to the same conclusion, I apologize if anything in previous posts indicated or implied that Gabriela wants to get back together with me. I know she is done with me, and even if she wasn't, I should be done with anyone who tries to throw me away twice, much less twice in six months. I love her and want her to have a beautiful life, but I'm not a complete idiot.
It was a hard day and a long day but a productive day, getting much more than just my main 3 to do items done, and squeezing in time for a pint at the pub with a pal. I have no reason to kick. So it's lights out pretty quick here. More in the morn.
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 17:58:58 PST 2011
I'm feeling oddly constrained as to what I can say today. I've certainly made a beast of myself to some folks, and I hope I am well on the road to making amends. The movie has extra creep factor tonight. I've really been keyed up all day long and mostly just want to go to bed, and probably shouldn't have picked a semi-horror flick. But I'm suddenly wondering if it was before or after "Network". Probably after, it's a fairly derivative flick on that line of analysis. But I think we can safely give DePalma credit for some darned creative work, not entirely lacking in a Greenway sensibility.
I guess the costumers on this last number never saw Amelie, "Fur pie doesn't sell."
So, like I say, I feel constrained to watch more than usual what I say and yet also to be genuine and transparent and all that as per Goldberg and Sher and the rest. It is a puzzlement.
Set and setting. What the hell was I thinking? Urgh. Well, at least I suppose I ought to remember it's in here, my head that is, and it does have a certain crescendo, not unlike Tommy or even JCS. It's just, well, not really pleasant. Now I'm finishing mostly on sheer raw nerve and stamina...and to give the tunes a closer than usual listen on these cans.
Is there a moral here? Or is it just aimed at triggering an emotional response?
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 17:49:00 PST 2011
"Phantom of the Paradise". Lots of subtext there for me to work with, peer through, generally process.
First, before I lose track, let me repeat, Lucas stole the look of Darth not from Doom but from Winslow Leach. Period. Even Leach's recording booth has a special TIE fighter feel to it. Darth Vader is a punk-ass rip-off. You heard it here.
That said, mostly lousy day, but I guess it's to be expected.
Got a song to sing...
waaugh
Tue Dec 20 07:39:52 PST 2011
It occurred to me as I was trimming my beard this morning that the offputting spam from yesterday is probably more a symptom of the Penn State debacle than of anything else. If anything, it suggest to me that there really is value in getting "What's Not To Like" in print sooner rather than later, even if only on this blog.
Tue Dec 20 07:22:10 PST 2011
I still catch myself asking, "Why does this still hurt so much?" And I still feel naked and sometimes a little disoriented without my ring. I know, it will pass. Head down, shoulder to the wheel, hell, most any wheel, so long as it keeps me too busy to notice.
Tue Dec 20 07:10:03 PST 2011
Solstice preparations are the order of the day for me. I have been building up to tomorrow, planning the launch of http://networking-liberally.com. Today I will finalize the home page, probably set up an empty bulletin board or other hangout spot in the .net, and put a donations link on the .org. Maybe. We'll see. I am trying to think ahead, trying to stay scalable, trying to stay productive and efficient, and keeping everything on the free-or-already-paid-for status. I do anticipate it generating a sufficient flurry of activity to help keep me busy for the end of this year and the beginning of the next.
I suppose the biggest concern is how easily response could overwhelm my capacity, not on the site, but on my actual ability to connect and feed into chapters. At present the plan is to announce a SGV/Pasadena chapter in Q1 and a SouthBay/LB chapter in Q2. And, of course, if folks on the list are interested in joining or starting a chapter they can get in touch.
I don't feel ready. But as I likely never will, I will proceed as planned. And, anyway, while it's fine to worry about such possibilities, odds are response will be like any other direct mail and I'll be lucky to get a 1%. Could just be me and Karen at Starbuck San Marino for a couple of weeks. More likely something in the middle.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 23:23:18 PST 2011
So, now I'm a GEICO customer, many thanks to G for the referral. Once that was resolved my stress level finally acheived something like equalibrium.
In case more than one person came to the same conclusion, I apologize if anything in previous posts indicated or implied that Gabriela wants to get back together with me. I know she is done with me, and even if she wasn't, I should be done with anyone who tries to throw me away twice, much less twice in six months. I love her and want her to have a beautiful life, but I'm not a complete idiot.
It was a hard day and a long day but a productive day, getting much more than just my main 3 to do items done, and squeezing in time for a pint at the pub with a pal. I have no reason to kick. So it's lights out pretty quick here. More in the morn.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 08:01:58 PST 2011
"Is there any danger? No, no. Not really. Just lean on me. Take the time to treat your friendly neighbors honestly."
I don't know how court reporters do it. I have trouble keeping up with a song I know cold. Why don't I know shorthand? Morse code? Why is it the only useful skill I've got is typing, and that not really at the level one would expect?
That's probably a little more self-effacing than anyone who doesn't already know me ought to see, but, as I've said, this is public, but not syndicated nor vigoursly networked. There will certainly be a different tone and tenor at networking-liberally, although I am seriously thinking these days about the wisdom of getting it mirrored in any non-US-controlled registry. Normally I'd suppress those thoughts unless in private conversation with someone at EFF's upper echelons. But, really, it's not as taboo a subject as many and it's in solid ACLU territory as well.
Mon Dec 19 07:29:29 PST 2011
Feels wierd to have just used my cheap-ass phone to tweet an international warning about kiddie porn spam. But, yeah, that's what the last post was about, and I only opened the post separately because I wanted the time stamp in the data flow.
More odd to my mind is that while musing to myself the various habits of some of my intimates I concluded that statutory rape laws were needless, because the requirement of consent already rules out minors. Minors are, by definition, unable to tender effective consent (with some exceptions for purchase of neccessaries). Not of age? Can't consent. Can't consent? Don't do it.
One can perceive then, perhaps, the eldritch horror that was an email in the lawyer account inviting me to view non-consensual, nor play-acted, couplings, and why even now I won't type it verbatim...as it might in fact tend to incriminate me, quite despite my complete innocence, of something with profound international consequences. Better I smuggled hash through Turkey. (I've known some gorgeous Turkish women, I have. But I digress.) I am now erasing the offending email and will be back after I finish reading my morning email.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 07:21:52 PST 2011
Very disturbing change in the spam to the official account, the rl (at) robertlink (dot) org account. The subject line asks is the reader wants to see non-consensual coitus, and I rephrase this from the verbatim for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the extreme illegality of this particular matter, significantly riskier on legal terms than anything as prosaic as Viagra (tm) adverts. So, I repeat EXTREMELY DISTRESSED AT UNWANTED AND UNWARRANTED AND IN ALWAYS UNWELCOME SPAM purportedly from udo (at) karkowski (dot) de and I'm not sure what to do about it...except email some folks about this post.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 07:07:54 PST 2011
Must an attorney be a completely private person in order to keep his fiduciary duties and various confidences completely private? I contend that is not only not a requirement but is in reality untenable.
Foonberg writes movingly of his wife's upset at learning certain client matters at a house party with friends. The issue is when the information in question was public knowledge and thus no longer privileged. It's not entirely unlike questions of clearance in the entertainment industry. What the two scenarios share is the question of entry into public knowledge. Or so it seems to me.
I awoke thinking about my CLE requirements. They're due by the end of January, but I feel like I ought to be using this fallow time of the holidays to get them in. On the other hand, my emotional state is so brittle and fragile right now that I can barely make it through my boxes. I finally found my December daytimer, but I haven't the emotional belief in a future so far ahead that I can justify spending the thirty bucks on next year's set. I can only see out about as far as what's on my white board. It's paid for.
And that all sounds so pissy and whiney. I'm my own "Hope Goes Emo". Just got a txt from GP, and, by heck, she's really being as nice as can be and all the things I've always wanted to reward in her, behaviorally, just so long as there is no challenge to the presupposition that we are through.
She threw me away, twice, in less than six months. That's a presupposition that needn't be challenged.
Long accustomed to at least being to read my writing out loud before I posted. That option is lost in the current sleeping configuration. 07:17 is too early here to be making so much noise. Hell, I'm worried my typing tapping clickety-clickety is being drowned out by the fridge and clock. I like to bang on the keys and am working to override that at the moment.
Sun Dec 18 21:00:21 PST 2011
Trying to finish out the "Garden State" soundtrack, but thinking I might just turn in. Had a dodgy moment with the Coldplay addition, which had special meaning for me with GP. So, yeah, doin' fine, moving forward, glad for all the little helpers I can get.
Apologies, btw, for the lack of rss. This really isn't for that kind of syndication. It's a little more personal, even if every bit as public. If you know me much at all you know how involved I am in that inside/outside line.
Apropos of such distinctions, my recent phase of shutterbugging has me very much differently aware of the extent to which selection triggers foreground phenomena and thus how much deleting goes on at the periphery of the rods and cones.
I've erased the dry erase board and put up a hexagram, "Shaoguo", binary 001100 (sorry, that's a little dyslexic, and I don't know the standard orientation in this medium). I've also made a probably somewhat childish stab at drawing the characters. I'm not ready for brush work. We'll leave it at that. Thank goodness I still have my keyboard, and in some dimension, my Queen.
waaugh
Sun Dec 18 18:09:03 PST 2011
Displeased to realize I missed this yesterday. The idea is to be pre-engaging my Solstice practice, and that was to be daily. Contemplating what, if anything, to change, hoping for more than just a flash, but the actual plans.
Listening to Norah's "Come Away With Me", the album as a piece and the speciric song as I type these words. "Come away with me and we'll kiss on a mountain top. Come away with me and I'll never stop loving you."
Generally upbeat day, but there were swirls of emotion I cannot deny. At this point on the arc of the weekend I'm happy to be where and as I am, and thus tender complaint to none.
Fri Dec 16 21:27:57 PST 2011
Bedtime. One of "those" days, ineffeable, indescribable. If you were there, you know. As for the rest, well I'm working hard on getting work, paid work preferably, but work. I know I've still got a lot of boxes to go through and all that, but all things considered I think I'm holding up and doing pretty welll.
Am giving a lot of thought to reviving the "Luna Simone" character. She's taken directly from Robert Anton Wilson's "Simon Moon", and I think with a license in spirit that even his estate should appreciate. She was traveling to a Mars somewhere between Valentine Michael Smith's and Marjorie Baldwin's. In fact, there's probably going to be more of Heinlein's "Pudding" or "Friday" in Luna than would be wise, except that as Heinlein disappears from the shelves to make way for the likes of "Eclipse" and "True Blood" I think spreading on the Heinlein good and thick might just be the best thing going.
Mon Dec 19 07:29:29 PST 2011
Feels wierd to have just used my cheap-ass phone to tweet an international warning about kiddie porn spam. But, yeah, that's what the last post was about, and I only opened the post separately because I wanted the time stamp in the data flow.
More odd to my mind is that while musing to myself the various habits of some of my intimates I concluded that statutory rape laws were needless, because the requirement of consent already rules out minors. Minors are, by definition, unable to tender effective consent (with some exceptions for purchase of neccessaries). Not of age? Can't consent. Can't consent? Don't do it.
One can perceive then, perhaps, the eldritch horror that was an email in the lawyer account inviting me to view non-consensual, nor play-acted, couplings, and why even now I won't type it verbatim...as it might in fact tend to incriminate me, quite despite my complete innocence, of something with profound international consequences. Better I smuggled hash through Turkey. (I've known some gorgeous Turkish women, I have. But I digress.) I am now erasing the offending email and will be back after I finish reading my morning email.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 07:21:52 PST 2011
Very disturbing change in the spam to the official account, the rl (at) robertlink (dot) org account. The subject line asks is the reader wants to see non-consensual coitus, and I rephrase this from the verbatim for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the extreme illegality of this particular matter, significantly riskier on legal terms than anything as prosaic as Viagra (tm) adverts. So, I repeat EXTREMELY DISTRESSED AT UNWANTED AND UNWARRANTED AND IN ALWAYS UNWELCOME SPAM purportedly from udo (at) karkowski (dot) de and I'm not sure what to do about it...except email some folks about this post.
waaugh
Mon Dec 19 07:07:54 PST 2011
Must an attorney be a completely private person in order to keep his fiduciary duties and various confidences completely private? I contend that is not only not a requirement but is in reality untenable.
Foonberg writes movingly of his wife's upset at learning certain client matters at a house party with friends. The issue is when the information in question was public knowledge and thus no longer privileged. It's not entirely unlike questions of clearance in the entertainment industry. What the two scenarios share is the question of entry into public knowledge. Or so it seems to me.
I awoke thinking about my CLE requirements. They're due by the end of January, but I feel like I ought to be using this fallow time of the holidays to get them in. On the other hand, my emotional state is so brittle and fragile right now that I can barely make it through my boxes. I finally found my December daytimer, but I haven't the emotional belief in a future so far ahead that I can justify spending the thirty bucks on next year's set. I can only see out about as far as what's on my white board. It's paid for.
And that all sounds so pissy and whiney. I'm my own "Hope Goes Emo". Just got a txt from GP, and, by heck, she's really being as nice as can be and all the things I've always wanted to reward in her, behaviorally, just so long as there is no challenge to the presupposition that we are through.
She threw me away, twice, in less than six months. That's a presupposition that needn't be challenged.
Long accustomed to at least being to read my writing out loud before I posted. That option is lost in the current sleeping configuration. 07:17 is too early here to be making so much noise. Hell, I'm worried my typing tapping clickety-clickety is being drowned out by the fridge and clock. I like to bang on the keys and am working to override that at the moment.
Sun Dec 18 21:00:21 PST 2011
Trying to finish out the "Garden State" soundtrack, but thinking I might just turn in. Had a dodgy moment with the Coldplay addition, which had special meaning for me with GP. So, yeah, doin' fine, moving forward, glad for all the little helpers I can get.
Apologies, btw, for the lack of rss. This really isn't for that kind of syndication. It's a little more personal, even if every bit as public. If you know me much at all you know how involved I am in that inside/outside line.
Apropos of such distinctions, my recent phase of shutterbugging has me very much differently aware of the extent to which selection triggers foreground phenomena and thus how much deleting goes on at the periphery of the rods and cones.
I've erased the dry erase board and put up a hexagram, "Shaoguo", binary 001100 (sorry, that's a little dyslexic, and I don't know the standard orientation in this medium). I've also made a probably somewhat childish stab at drawing the characters. I'm not ready for brush work. We'll leave it at that. Thank goodness I still have my keyboard, and in some dimension, my Queen.
waaugh
Sun Dec 18 18:09:03 PST 2011
Displeased to realize I missed this yesterday. The idea is to be pre-engaging my Solstice practice, and that was to be daily. Contemplating what, if anything, to change, hoping for more than just a flash, but the actual plans.
Listening to Norah's "Come Away With Me", the album as a piece and the speciric song as I type these words. "Come away with me and we'll kiss on a mountain top. Come away with me and I'll never stop loving you."
Generally upbeat day, but there were swirls of emotion I cannot deny. At this point on the arc of the weekend I'm happy to be where and as I am, and thus tender complaint to none.
Fri Dec 16 21:27:57 PST 2011
Bedtime. One of "those" days, ineffeable, indescribable. If you were there, you know. As for the rest, well I'm working hard on getting work, paid work preferably, but work. I know I've still got a lot of boxes to go through and all that, but all things considered I think I'm holding up and doing pretty welll.
Am giving a lot of thought to reviving the "Luna Simone" character. She's taken directly from Robert Anton Wilson's "Simon Moon", and I think with a license in spirit that even his estate should appreciate. She was traveling to a Mars somewhere between Valentine Michael Smith's and Marjorie Baldwin's. In fact, there's probably going to be more of Heinlein's "Pudding" or "Friday" in Luna than would be wise, except that as Heinlein disappears from the shelves to make way for the likes of "Eclipse" and "True Blood" I think spreading on the Heinlein good and thick might just be the best thing going.
What I can't decide is format. I mean, do I need to in some way tag it? Give it a name? Anchor tags on the page? Is it time to cut down the size of the home page? Do I just like doing things the hard way or is there something wrong with me?
I can answer that one. Sometimes adding extraneous items is the only way to hold my attention. I think it stems from early exposure to stage magic and a biography of Houdini. I truly value parallel processing and tracking of audience attention. But that gets a little weird to be around after a while, I guess. I just know it seems like no one can really stand large of doses of me in any state of mind, which is a drag.
But I do have some friends who get me, and I've actually been blessed with a panapoly of truly good people who, whether they get me or not, really want to see me do well, be well. So I'm going to drift off to sleep now on that thought, billowing warm goldenredorange clouds of sleep...
waaugh
Fri Dec 16 03:56:43 PST 2011
Up a littler earlier today, and it feels nice. Beads are done, the modem is off upstairs, but I can compose this entry then upload it later. I've got that much of my system set up right.
Thinking that I will introduce Networking Liberally at ICUJP today, assuming we do the usual introductions thing. Not sure how it will go, since today is also scheduled as the ICUJP holiday party.
I know that generally I need to get more done. The excuse of the divorce, the excuse of living out of boxes, while real and legitimate complications to my life right now these things cannot be allowed to stop me or derail me. Some days will be better than others.
But this morning, none of the pain is snapping at me yet and I don't feel like I have much to say and yet I feel compelled to say so here where folks will be able to read where I have written I have little to say. Not too exciting, that. Nor is it entirely true, I'm just not warmed up. First time I've written immediately after beads in a long time, and I'm just not flowing as smooth or intense as I would like.
Thunder storms in L.A. yesterday. As things worked out, I happened to follow the trailing edge of the South bound storm all the way from Pasadena to Signal Hill, I haven't seen lightning like that since New Mexico with Bob Mattingly in, what, 1981? We were coming back from a trip to Rolla and somewhere in New Mexico ran through such a storm that we pulled over to wait for it to ease up as the downpour was so great the windshield wipers were useless even at their fastest speed. With that deluge was the most amazing thunder and lightning I have ever seen, although yesterday came closer than I ever expected to experience here in Southern California.
I found myself thinking, as I drifted off last night wrapped in visualizations specially selected to help me sleep tight and wake up fresh, about living on Stead Air Force Base Housing briefly for the first part of first grade. It was there that I because accustomed to sonic booms, and I think that partly informs my response to thunder and lightning. They excite me, and if the thunder clap is loud enough I am liable to start cackling like Vincent Price in a Roger Corman flick.
I feel like I'm in limbo, again. I had, what, six weeks of feeling like I had a home and a future, like I had arrived at some new plateau from which I could stage my next accomplishments. We all know how that worked out. I've had a couple of setbacks this year, separate from the actual struggles with Gabriela. Plus, now it's the end of the year and I feel like I'm just dog-paddling until the swell I've been tracking builds into a catchable wave. After the first I expect to be busier than ever, but until then everything feels slow and ponderous and uphill.
Yesterday I described my 2012 forecast: Networking Liberally should take about 80 percent of my time while generating 20% or less of my 20102 income, with law being the 20% of my time that brings in 80% of my income. And "What's Not To Like" will fill in any remaining time. With these three projects and a commitment to run a half-marathon in late February I actually have plenty on my plate. Add to that the task of sorting through my personal belongings, out of storage for only a few weeks before being boxed again and move to Signal Hill. I've got plenty to do.
The catch is that all these things require me to really set and maintain my own state, to provide my own structure. I don't and won't have the luxury of external direction. I have to do it myself.
Which is probably the biggest reason for this otherwise none-too-exciting post. I need to work towards a rhythm, some habit and routines which serve the long and short range goals. It isn't always easy, what with being in someone else's home, someone else's energy. I pray the next few weeks and months can see an uptick in the business which lets me get back on my own two feet. The practice may have been in the black for 2011 (and I'm reasonably certain it was) but personally I remain in a bit of a hole. I'm tired of it. Time to climb out. I can only hope my recounting of the days spent in the climb are of some entertainment value to anyone reading this.
waaugh
Thu Dec 15 08:37:32 PST 2011
Rough morning. On morning walk my phone announced that although I have 7 gig free on my micro-sd card, the os wouldn't let me make any more files. So I had to clear my pics off the card. And that means _reviewing_ pics I'd prefer to not think about right now, cats, bridges, boats, friends. All gone now. (I have two backups from recent weeks, so they're not lost, they're just off the phone for now. I can move back over those which I need, but even that task might seem overwhelming later. I might just start fresh. Next up, a boat-load of sound files to take off the card.
Txted GP requesting permission to keep in touch with the Alonsos, mostly her father whom I do in fact see on Facebook and LinkedIn. That sentence sounds so cold and mean and does not properly portray the difficulty in squeezing off the tear ducts as I type this. I might be a good year for blogging, but it looks to be a very sad year as well. I keep saying, like '68 and '72 with better tech, but so far no one seems to be getting the same vibe as me. Maybe I'm only forecasting my own personal state of mind, seeing the future through the veil of sorrow that threatens to suffocate me one minute to the next.
So I race from overwrought to cold-fish with little ability to stand long between the two, much less to rest there with some measure of aplomb or grace. I'm either all fine or I'm holding back tears...well, enough about that. Back to dispassionate for a while I think is better.
I owe Alonso Perezmartinez, pere, many of the finest memories of my life, and as amazing as the locations and the food and the experiences were, what made them count was the company with which I enjoyed them, from Ciudad de Mexico and camarones con huitlacoche (sp?) to running on the black sand beaches of Santorini. If there were times his generosity was tied to his daughter, well, I am equally thankful for all the memories with just she and I, and he had his part in making her that person too, so still, gratitude.
It's going to be a hard Christmas for me without you all.
waaugh
Wed Dec 14 21:48:26 PST 2011
I really wanted to blog just before bed. Finally ticked off number three on my todo, listening to "Sucker Punch" from desktop one while editing the netlaw blog.
I need to spend more time on the rest of my social media work. It's really the best thing in the world for me, especially for the holidays.
All indicators are that Networking Liberally start-up will preclude me taking partner track with any firm other than the firm of Link. But I will have an amazing array of mentors and folks to associate in as needed. I can be the apocryphal general solo.
Changing tack, both "Sucker Punch" and "Inception" have their linear aspects, don't get me wrong. But because SP curves one can credibly pick it up anywhere and loop through for a great ride, like the perfect surreal merry-go-round. Inception, well, not so much. Not hardly at all, really.
"They're using steampower and clock works...they're already dead!"
Wed Dec 14 13:36:12 PST 2011
A couple of pleasant developments, including some perfectly civil and even touching exchanges with Gabby via txt. I am as hopeful as ever that we will be able to hammer out something like a peaceful co-existence, which pleases me mightily.
Also, just put an event on the calendar for January 19, an American Constitution Society gig with two 9th Circuit justices on a panel discussing federalism. Should be very cool.
And, finally, a bit of work from a prospective client put on my radar by my paralegal, to keep me busy the rest of the afternoon until time to grab some suds with Spencer this evening.
Big news today, as far as I know, is SOPA, "Stop Online Piracy Act" is getting some hefty challenge from the likes of Ariana Huffington and Jimmy Wales. We can hope it will go down in flames, but I don't really expect more than a pubic respite, truth be told. This sort of thing is like the sunsetting of parts of H.R. 3162, the so-called "patriot" act, where we see a lot of activity opposing, then a fairly public "defeat" of the bill, then a very quiet second bite at a later point in the news cycle. It's discouraging to even read the news sometimes because of these sort of shenanigans.
But the sun is shining, I've got my belongings sorted for easier access, I've got work, even if more of it is underpaid than I like. I have a future. Time to get to it.
Wed Dec 14 08:35:20 PST 2011
I feel better than I can recall feeling since November 15. I'm not saying it's all better, and there's still a whole lot of hard and potentially ugly still ahead, but I'm happy to say, I'm feeling really pretty good today.
I know, it won't last. But it's nice for now.
Got a txt from Gabriela, very short and to the point and I take it kindly, saying she talked to her attorney and is on board for as simple and painless a summary disso as can be accomplished. That is some pretty good news. I am not happy with how things turned for us, but I still wish her the best and hope she can come out on the other side of this healthy and happy as can be.
I did have an odd micro-dream in which Rumi was nuzzling my elbow trying to get me to feed her. I will miss my cats. But I also know they won't be neglected, they will be loved.
Meanwhile, I've got my work cut out for me and more than enough on my plate to keep me busy...and I'm writing again. Just getting started on the writing path again feels good.
So, not getting wild, not getting manic, but enjoying the good fortune to actually feel like I've got my feet on the ground and will survive this transition. Hope your day is going well too, whoever/wherever you are.
waaugh
Tue Dec 13 21:36:57 PST 2011
Had a real live freak out this morning. I was folding my new white work shirts and suddenly felt the loss of all of her jackets I will never wash or fold or iron. I about lost it. Somehow I squeezed off my tear glands with a firm "no" and got out to the garage to change my sensory input as the quickest way to change my state (what Mum, ala Bateson, calls, "leaving the field").
My point, of course, is that one is always playing on multiple fields whether one attempts to account for same or not. Concurrent Games Observation is parked somewhere under the semanticrestructuring.com domain at the moment, probably inaccurately listed as a theory. That whole site is a real "work in progress". Oblio's Cap will be getting first call on all my writing duties, even if it means getting up and blogging early to make sure I can squeeze in on a deadline. (Cf. Today's L A Progressive.) I'm proud to be under Dick and Sharon's masthead, and that's the truth of it. I do, however, wonder, should I give them a wider selection of looks from which to choose my author's picture? I'm kindof fond of the current "Jeff Davis/Obadiah Stane" configuration.
Tired.
waaugh
Tue Dec 13 10:05:44 PST 2011
Going through the boxes retrieved Sunday. Found the two boxes of ashes, one of Roy's the other of T.C.'s, and am sorting into categories. Makes me a little blue, but I suppose that is to be expected. At least I've got speakers hooked up to the laptop now.
One of the categories of boxes is "journals". So far it looks like I've got three boxes of journals going back to maybe 1989. And all I can think of is Lott's journal burning celebration a few years back. I've got a lighter...but I'd feel incomplete if I didn't follow up by burning all the other things I've written, and there's no way to do that with the bits that long since have made their way to the net.
Tue Dec 13 07:21:51 PST 2011
Happy Birthday Shawn!!!
Regular readers will know whom I mean: Friend and benefactor extraordinaire, P-Nordic himself. Happy birthday, big guy!
In other news, I finally read the full text from Gabby, the one where she complains about me being all over the map. She also complains about me making fun of her on the blog. I can see how she would feel that way. She also complains about paying for the divorce. On that I'm less sympathetic, as I opposed the divorce and was calling for us to stay in therapy and keep the forward momentum we had built since July. I am not the source of that cost. If she were able to work with me instead of assuming everything I say is evil mind-fucking we could do the summary disso without any costs other than those court costs I cannot waive...although even then there is a chance the court would look at her I&E and ding her for those same costs waived as to me. But there's zero reason to give money to an attorney...and I suppose if she had stayed in therapy or otherwise not played such a hard game of stonewall we might have reached that conclusion together. More likely, if she had stayed in therapy and, again, if she hadn't played such a hard game of stonewall, we wouldn't be divorcing at all, we'd be working through this stuff. It was she who pulled out of therapy, she who met simple requests with complex demands (e.g., "I need to get my suit" was met with, "Pick up all your stuff"). So, really, this isn't on me. And, as I said before, even if we were still in therapy and still trying, there would be the matter of how I could ever feel safe with her again after the way she has acted twice this year in response to my walking out rather than staying for a crazy yelling match: by refusing to "let me back in". Seriously, why would anyone put up with that twice, or risk it happening a third time.
I do not apologize for the nice things I've said here or in private communication with Gabriela. And while I might more often than some think prudent slip into not entirely professional forms of prose here (yes, that's ironic understatement) I cannot in good faith apologize for that either. The point of writing is to see/hear/feel what's in my head that otherwise might not see the light of day. Or, as Gail Sher puts it in her delightful book, "One Continuous Mistake":
- Writer's write
- Writing is a process
- You don't know what your writing will be until the end of the process
- If writing is your practice, the only way to fail is not to write
That's the system. So, yeah, sometimes I write stuff I neither like nor particularly approve of. That's part of the point. And this blog, this domain, that's where it happens.
waaugh
Mon Dec 12 21:46:28 PST 2011
Still surreal as a Dali rhinocerous, but I'm here. Salz office holiday lunch was a smash and I spent a fair amount of the day playing Ringo in "A Hard Day's Night", y'know, when he goes "parading" at Paul's uncle's well plied suggestions?
Blogging oughtta start getting better soon, getting back to a more bearable level of semantic heft. I understand some of this has more of a flotsam-and-jetsam feel than one normally enjoys. Soon it will change.
Got a txt from Gabby, she was more or less upset that I was being nice after being mean some other time. Part of me is like, "I should always be angry and acting out? Or I should take the days which let me manifest some small measure of grace as the blessing they are and do the best I can?"
I mean, I get it, she doesn't like me. Never did. Wasn't ever going to kiss me, and so on (cue "the J-man" from Envy). I get it. So we move on. In the end I don't think I can reasonably be held accountable for having thrown more wild punches or barred holds than she did, not by a long shot. If we were in therapy maybe it would be worth discussing, but, of course, that's how we got here, being too good to go to therapy. So here we are, here I am, and I am already on to next week. There's no money to pay lawyers in this one, and no complications to justify anything more than a summary dissolution. Her attorney agreed and said he'd send me his standard summary disso stipulated judgment. I was just going to crib from the booklet like it says to do. Reminds me, all props to California Superior Court's Self-Help service. This, ladies and gentlemen, is how you like to see your tax dollars at work, helping the underserved help themselves. Too bad we'll never see anything like that in medicine.
I digress. Point being, I'm working on being as good a sport about all this as I can, like the guy in "Sweet Home Alabama", "So, that's how this feels". This is not at all what I bargained for. I always believed Executive Chef Gabby would welcome having a lawyer for a partner. I'm still more than just a little plain old stunned that whoever is running the show over there inside that wonderful sweet maddening head of hers has so completely overridden the real power source and instead has shrunk back to a position of fear combined with an attempt to regain an upper hand only granted in the past because it was best for the couple, together, as well as each of us separately. After the second wedding, with Pop and Uncle and Gina, after getting sworn in, well, it was no longer best for me. It was impossible for me to move to professional life without a big shakeup, and we were doing fine, making good progress in therapy and committed to the long term. Then Dad came back to town (and Gabby had weeks earlier said, "Maybe we can skip therapy during the holidays" to the somewhat doubtful looks of both me and the therapist) and we had a fight and I walked out and she refused to let me back in and she stopped going to therapy with me because I was, "Too toxic and too manipulative to ever be safe with in therapy", in words very close to those quoted and to the same effect. That's pretty much how we got here.
And I'm bored as hell with that story. So now we'll shift gears, edit just enough to taste right (which is easier when you wear both hats, but Yaweh help you when you're wrong.)
"Baba Gi" by Supertramp. It's really everything you hate about would-be pop devotional music. I sometimes wonder how this thing got on the same album as "Even in the Quietest Moments", unless it's meant to be parody of that song. I don't know that I can plausibly argue this band is known for that kind of recursion. (Uh, in case you need me to say it, that's the song playing. Not really so random in my context.)
And the Dali reference is because of having watched "Midnight in Paris" two nights in a row. There's a plausible Dali in that flick, talking about painting Owen Wilson with a rhino. Again, I've got context on my side of the conversation that you may lack on yours.
From an information theory standpoint, of course, I think it's fair to say the line between effective communication and in-effective communication is affect. Face to face is the affect our brains are most accustomed (which I think of in this moment as a gloss for "evolved") to. Face to face, affect, facial expression and all those non-verbals, they make up the context against which the "actual words", if there even are such things, are parsed. Text, then, is as close as we seem to get mythical actual words, and I suddenly wonder how the spread of pre-language extra-somatic marking technology (e.g., Lascaux cave paintings) and a fledgling capacity to distinguish maps from territories created the insane phantasm called "actual words" and supposed by some to exist separate from the creatures making noises and moving about in ways having patterns to which our brains are most, again, accustomed to responding on the nourish-damage axis of motivation.
CD is over. Necessita mas musica feliz, por favor! Grooveshark. I think it was Katie who turned Gabby on to it. I had seen conversations online, of course, but hadn't really bothered to check it out. I have to pay to get it running through winamp or vlc, and if I can't have at least that much control of the equalizer I don't usually bother to listen to music. Different source, and now it's the good song off the album I just played, so I'm getting a repeat of sorts.
I've done enough multi-level communication and thus multi-level thinking that, much as was once said of John himself, it's as if I've given up the conscious mind entirely. (I never believed it about John and it was the one real chink in Jordan's armor that I ever really saw. The whole "Knifes cum Crowley cum Hemp cum New Years Eve = BAD ART" when I came back from the nexus of realities just like it looked in Howard the Duck, well I never counted that a chink in the armor. Hell, I got "kledge" from that experience, paving the way for a deeper than usual understanding of "grok" which continues to grow. Oroborous groks. Grokking is Oroborous. Satiation is a pretty powerful state altering device, why didn't I ever think of OmOmOm . . . and the hr tag, above, is a marker for folks willing to read the source file. Namaste.
Sun Dec 11 17:59:35 PST 2011
Got my stuff today. It was really, really hard. There is a hole in my heart and no denying it, not even to spare my loved ones. But this isn't 2001, I'm a significantly different person a decade later. I am hurting, all over, but I am not broken.
I believe, based on having been there, that Gabriela continues to love me and pray for me and want what is best for me. I believe, based on having been there, that she completed as thorough and conscientious a search for and packing of what she believed was my personal property as she would do for her own, probably more so. I tried to say, "Let's do this as much like friends as can be," but chose totally different words and a rotten tone. I can only plead emotionality. I couldn't even look her father in the eye. I knew I would start balling like a baby, and the rule I most clearly seem to track the past couple of days is "no tears".
So, I really do hope and pray she finds happiness and love to last her all her life. She really is and was and will always be all the wonderful things I thought of her and I hope she really connects with that sooner rather than later. I accept that she has the power to move on, and that for better or worse she has excercised that power. We are done. She has cast me off. I love her still and pray for her happiness and that of all who might be in her light.
I'm glad T.C. met her.
And I must move on now.
waaugh
Sat Dec 10 22:13:42 PST 2011
Look, you all know, if you know me at all, I'm pretty picky about my science fiction, and all the more so about my time travel. So don't kid yourself into thinking I'm giving Woody a free pass. This is really that good on that many levels. For me, that Django stuff, that's burned in with the famous "viet nam execution" shot in "Stardust Memories". It's as heavy or as light as you can make it. "I thought you loved their simplicity!"
"Do you think it's the maid?" "It's always the maid."
And now it's Maxims, then. And we're at Inception level layering, with a French curve and a Bronx accent. (Still wondering why Peter Parker doesn't sound more like Woody.) Maxim's, then, puts us at the ol' Muloune Ruoge (sp?) La Trec, and it looks like "Big Fish". No, really, it's fucking flawless. No one but Woody could or would.
I want to say this movie passes Winokur's zen filter. I don't know if it's true, but I wish I could and I think it ought. It's true. There's Herrigel in there.
Christ on a muther-fucking crutch, _how_ could I forget the chick's name? Oh, tourets, tourets, tourets.
waaugh
Sat Dec 10 21:28:13 PST 2011
I'm _really_ digging this movie. I think the bad guy is "Wrath of Kahn" level sucky. I *really* hate that guy.
So, Owen Wilson's strollind down the lost streets around the resturant while his fiance is getting flirty in the back of cab with her old professer and his woman. Very sexy subtexty, then in with some djano-esque guitar and we're walking down the magic streets.
"No parlee, so sorry." Masters of ambiguity! Oroborous groks!
The clock strikes midnight, the antique car slows, voices, "Hey! Hey! C'mon!""Is this an old Pugeot?!" Driving in the back of some crazy flapper-dazed car, drinking with the ladies and lads. Guitar. Cut to indoors with, yes, that's right, the Coward himself, Noel.
Dammit, this movie is probably better than "Sucker Punch" save for the lack of up-skirts.
Quick visit from Mum. I'm still entranced by the movie. This movie actually made me recondiser Hemmingway. They fucking cast it _perfectly_. "Yes it was a good book because it was an honest book...not only noble, but brave." "You like Mark Twain?" "You box?" "Not really, no."
"Crummy re-write jobs." "There is nothing beautiful about walking in the rain." Seriously, how fucking more obvious could the mis-match be?
And then it's talking about Gabriela. Look, I'm hurting, worse than when I popped my knee-cap, and it won't go away any time soon. But I'll get by. I'll thrive. And I will all my days pray she finds love and joy.
I'm still on a no tears policy. Sometimes that comes out as things just as unacceptable. Sometimes while I'm writing. That's what writers do. I'm not the first to point it out.
The dialog put into the Hemmingway character sounds like really he's trying super hard to blur prose and poetry. And advertising, but maybe he didn't know it. But, well, he's supposed to be about clear prose, and he rambles on like he's in a coffee house. Which is it?
Is anyone out there reading for anything as de classe as my fixation on Woody Allen. I know, it's not the opera I'd have expected but "...it's more like a still life than a portrait..." is a whole flocking lot better than anything going on in my meatspace. "And Maxim's, then".
No, really, this effin' movie is, well, if one thought Woody somehow anti-drig because of that coke thing in Manhattan, well, get over it. This movie *rocks*.
"You _lived_ with Modigliani?"
Someone care to remind me what point crosses the fair use line? Y'all know where I stand. Where do you?
Sat Dec 10 21:21:27 PST 2011
Daily. That's the idea. I'm not really in a great space right now, but here I am. Tomorrow I'm taking a U-Haul to my ol' place and getting my stuff.
Distracted by "Midnight in Paris" and really, really hate the guy from the "Underworld" franchise. He's pretty much everything I set out to not be. "Well, scripts are easier, so..."
I love this fucking movie. Now it's the movie I watched before I got my stuff. "Paris, in the '20s, in the rain."
"Nostalgia is denial." Fucking ass-hat.
I don't understand why more folks don't really give Allen his props. No one said he didn't have some creepy shit in him, but he's a real artist.
waaugh
Fri Dec 9 21:04:58 PST 2011
I felled compelled to say that, coincident with and possibly caused by getting a new "week-in-a-peek" dry erase board, I have started a 64 day run with the I Ching. Yesterday, December 8, the 30 year anniversary of the murder of John Lennon, I started with K'un. Today is Fu, Returning. My primary text will be the Shaughnessy, and I may not say more than the name of the hexagram, but the plan is to do 64 without missing any. Would be great if they became the first post of a day, but I can't commit to that at the moment.
May have formed a relationship with a P.I. and may even have some small things in the early Q1 of 2012. Keep the fingers crossed.
I have fallen so far out of synch with the I Ching that I cannot at this moment recall the eight trigrams. That is not good at all! I won't type out the machinations by which I recover that data. Somethings are just fine inside.
Groove Salad playing some kindof buggy stuff. Mostly I listen to Digitalis. Remembering why. Oh well, probably time for me to toughen up at least a little. At the moment I'm really just waiting to go to bed. Don't want to leave a chat with a pretty girl too abruptly.
Anyway, if I'm going to do the "don't be aversive to" thing, I'd rather do it with Rusty, 'cause I know it'll be top shelf. Stochastic.
Fri Dec 9 20:32:14 PST 2011
Okay, so maybe, "I'm blogging the divorce!" is a little over the top. Besides, I'm already bored with the topic, so shouldn't I have something better to talk about with folks?
Still, I feel an obligation to chronicle at least some of the pertinent facts for any possible litigation.
I checked with triple-A today. And this time they told me she could close down my insurance and they weren't required to so much as think at me much less actually notify me. But there was no such action as of late morning today, and it really would be better to let me give her $30/mo for insurance than to move that account to Signal Hill. On the other hand, I actually living in Signal Hill for the duration, so maybe it's a moot point 'cause I'm professionally bound to provide such material facts.
All of which sounds really more agressive than maybe it should, but I am also beholden to truth as a person, a writer, a creature of God before, during, and after I was sworn in to the Bar.
Still, that said, silence is golden sometimes too. I got my to do list done and a good stab at left overs from yesterday. I was in court, I hung pictures, I didn't cry. I found out there is no case number yet with her name on it and only my divorce with Terry showed up in a name search for me. So, no, I'm not the reason she hasn't served me yet.
Like Holly Hunter in "Home for the Holidays", I just want to stop the carnage. This divorce should be as cheap, easy, and painless as a LegalZoom(tm) (used without permission, contact beau (at) oblios-cap (dot) com if you are the mark owner and are in any way injured or offended). Snark aside, there are no children, there is no real estate or other valuable personal property (considered at "yard sale prices"), no community debt. Once we agree I've got all of my stuff and none of hers we should be able to do a stip judgment with a minimum of fuss.
I just wish I could say so to Gabby's lawyer. Because I really am done. Because I really am done. Because I really am done. What I tell you three times is true.
waaugh
Thu Dec 8 19:31:04 PST 2011
T'tell the truth, I'm tired. Think I'll turn in. Court in the a.m., Pasadena, thank goodness. Then a little prep for a prospective new client Saturday, then get my freakin' insurance (car) situation settled, as Gabby has expressed her intent to pull that plug tomorrow. Reminds me, I really didn't give all the interesting details on the 60 plus minutes I spent wrangling with Verizon the past two days. Most interesting to me is that it seems the release of my number happened so long ago that while the folks yesterday readily found and affirmed it, the folks today wouldn't double check until I got lawyerly and had a supervisor call in a specialist (that's you, Josephine). I finally got permission to keep my phone, cut my bill to $60-ish a month, unlimted text, month-to-month or "out of contract" as they say. I'm good to upgrade the phone in late February, but they can't begin to promise I can find a feature phone I like as much as my current beater. What can I say, I'm bonded with it a bit. So I'll invoke right action and what will be will be.
I may have mentioned that over at Literotica there is an entire sub-genre of porn writing which tracks strangely close to some of Gabriela's crazier complaints. It's a drag, really. How could I know no how deeply entwined sexy and scary are for some folks. I pretty much always avoided scary. It's scary. I don't like to be any particular feeling at all unless it's actually helping me get where I'm trying to go. I really do strive to neither be attached to nor aversive of the world around me. Doesn't mean I can't get Sucker Punched (apologies for the unavoidable irony of that selection) once in a while.
Not all that was typed made it to the server. That is in search and service of wisdom as best I know how.
waaugh
Thu Dec 8 17:08:58 PST 2011
I txted my former therapist, my ostensibly soon to be ex-wife, and myself a statement that I was uncomfortable picking up boxes I didn't pack. My exact txt:
Uneasy about receiving
uninspected boxes without
reliable inventory on record
with reliable 3rd party. Please
note cc list. Please advise.
CB: [redacted]To: [redacted]
Sent: Dec 8, 4:57 pmTo: Tomomi Mikawa, M.A.
Sent: Dec 8, 4:57 pmTo: GP
Sent: Dec 8, 4:57 pmTo: klm@robertlink.org
Sent: Dec 8, 4:57 pmGabriela's response:
From: GP
What cc list? you dont make
sense. just come and pick up
your things and stop wasting
time. everything is in the kitchen.
CB: [redacted]
Dec 8, 5:02 pmHer failure to understand the cc list option is all the more ironic in light of a former friend's gaff with "reply all" on her smart phone this morning. Gabby's stuck with an antiquated LG feature phone mostly because I sold her on the value of txting said former mutual friend. She should probably let Katie help her pick her next one (but, fair warning, Katie, don't join your plans!)
(Which is really just a snarky segue into...) I got my phone fixed up today. Give Verizon full marks for eventually getting to the right place, although I did have to get huffy and lawyerly to make it happen.
Gabriela's response says to me she has not really thought through the property division process. Technically the leather furniture is mine, bought with separate property funds for a separate property business and brought into the home for my personal convenience with no transfer of title or transmutation of status. I doubt, under such a view, that one could imagine "all my stuff" being in the kitchen. Which part of my cats will I find there?
I don't mean to be cruel, but I'm also not exactly living the life of Reilly here. I'm not the one living with our benches, our cats, our life, our love. I'm blogging from my mother's garage.
I suppose I ought to shout out to Wonkette, the number one style reference for the unactionably scandalous.
waaugh
Thu Dec 8 17:04:41 PST 2011
Of course, the "Imagine" part was in remembrance of the passing from this earthly existence John Lennon, thirty years ago tonight. Rest in peace, dear one, your love lives on in song.
Thu Dec 8 16:32:44 PST 2011
Imagine, it's been 30 years...
A casualty of this tiff between Gabriela and me has txted, in pertinent part:
"...I can not believe that you have been stalking Gabby and Katie..."
Wed Dec 7 22:07:59 PST 2011
So sue me.
I managed to work up the nerve to call NLG-LA's main line and ask for the skinny on working with Carol Sobel. The net of that conversation (thanks, btw, to Mike Lee for taking my call) was that there really wasn't much of anything to do. I got a letter from Carol later which I construe as saying the wise choice is to give tomorrow morning a miss. Not like I'm lacking things to do. (Ahem, 10:00 a.m. w/ Wakeman, *$, Monrovia 2.)
Seemed worth logging back in since I hadn't quite got this machine turned off yet. So this time I'll say, "Out" is only "Out for now".
waaugh
Wed Dec 7 21:52:41 PST 2011
I know, it seems like I'm dancing around something. I'm pretty wigged out by Gabby's text, below. Spent about half an hour with Verizon trying to get my phone reinstated to where it was before Gabriela insisted, "We're married now, let's put everything together, for ever!" (I exaggerate, of course, and one hopes it never becomes material how much or how little.) Verizon is balking at my credit history. I told Erika, the sweet young lady who was helping me, that she might also pass along my bar number and swearing in date, to assist with the credit check, and indirectly suggested I would be happy to write the legal department if it helped smooth things along. Leastways I hope that's how it was taken, that was the intent. Anyway, I'm bugged about the indeterminate status of my cell phone. And yet, why should I be? I've listed the google voice number with the Bar, and I have absolutely zero reason to worry on that particular score. I could only win, even by losing, on that particular tussle. My business hours are logged with the big G, and can always get me if I've told them so (which I have _not_).
I keep losing grooveshark. Gonna switch to a different stream. (So tempted to write, "Barb", but, really, none of the folks who might have nothing better to do tomorrow than read this are actually on line when this particular blog posts. It's a nice illusion, thank you, so please don't tinker with it just at this moment. Please.
On that I think I'm not just out, but out for the night. Thanks all for dropping by (even you cute little spiders!) and I'll make sure to at least tag this bag tomorrow.
waaugh
Wed Dec 7 21:40:51 PST 2011
Frustrated to find myself saying, still having trouble returning *all* calls before sundown, as per Foonberg (aka, "The Senior Partner"). But am trying to take care of basics, keep my clients' various interests properly sorted and protected, and get enough income to get off my mom's floor. It's just not cute at nigh-50. Protect my license, stay on the square with my insurance (they are double-plus good to me) and help people out of pickles. Deal with what increasingly looks to be the irreparable damage that poor girl is doing to what was and had been and was ever to have been a damned fine marriage of two great people who belonged together. I guess she doesn't think we belong together any more, eh?
Speaking of frustrated, kids, leave the room, well, best to just say here, I dunno if maybe I oughtn't think about clearing the pipes a wee more often? (Nice to have the kids as yet another excuse to scramble my code a little more.)
Wed Dec 7 21:28:50 PST 2011
Still trying to get my own attention, me to me. But everything that comes out of my fingers here sounds like Laing's "Knots", which I somehow don't think is selling as well this week as one could like. And absolutely _everything_ I write here feels like code to me now, now more than ever. It's a grade-A, steel-plated, wait, can my godkid read this? "Howl" is fine and good if you cut your teeth to "The Highwayman" but for most folks it's best to stick to Seuss or ESPN.
No, I did not link to the texts. Please, generate some traffic on a search engine, doesn't really matter a bing (sic) which, just go search for those poems, read them to your Queen, read them to La Luna, read them.
Wed Dec 7 21:19:55 PST 2011
I really think I ought to grant myself permission to just open a blog and let it sit, let one session run into the hours. What, then, would matter more, to whom, why, the timestamp on the name tag or the timestamp on the file being served? I don't rightly know why I should know to care, but I do, which is part of how I got to where I am.
Been reading Minsky's "Societies of Mind" (?) and am feeling a little "chomsky-botted", like neuro-besotted, and, yes, this blog has poetry that doesn't even aspire to be Vogon.
Nonetheless, sentences like the above suggest to me that keeping them to well timed staccato bursts is best. There's a commitment there to form, to process, that will serve me well and help me better serve those I can. Thus, "out", for now.
waaugh
Wed Dec 7 09:58:58 PST 2011
Part of me feels like the final judgment and marriage settlement agreement hangs in the balance of whether or not I can get a packing list for Sunday. If I can't I don't rightly see why I should lift a finger or stir myself from my torpor sufficient to reply to her text. Oroborous groks I am open to suggestions at the moment if they're positive.
Still broadcasting from my eee (Asus, that is).
Wed Dec 7 09:41:09 PST 2011
From the "Happy Pearl Harbor Day" Department:
From: GP
I have released you phone
number to you and you have
until this friday to resolve
your phone and your car
insurance. as of this friday i
will be removing you from my
bill. if you choose to not keep
your number or a cell phone.
you are still obligated to tell
me when your coming and
going to my house to pick up
your things. everything will be
packed up for you by sunday
and you need to remove the
items as soon as possible. i
warned yo about having an
alarm system now and have
not heard back from you. i will
be leaving it on at night and
leaving it off during the day
so that you can get your
things.
CB: [redacted]
Dec 7, 8:14 amI suppose it is understandable that I am upset. Sometimes I wonder why it hurts so much. Then I wonder if there's something wrong about wondering. I'm sure you know the feeling.
out
.
Wed Dec 7 08:09:07 PST 2011
Showered, yea! Laundry in the wash, double yea! Updating this file really quick while I wait for the wifi to get going. (Cue Inigo Montoya, "I hate waiting.")
Hoping today is as productive as yesterday. Still conscious of this being a public space. Can't say anything here I wouldn't want to say in court, sort of. Certainly can't say anything here that I wouldn't want to see in court. Like my phone, this blog is probably as much a tool of the prosecution as it is of it's writer. That is simply the way of the world. (But we fight against it just the same.)
With luck I'll hear from NLG-LA today with some deliverable for Thursday court. Keeping fingers crossed.
Tue Dec 6 22:11:40 PST 2011
That "Cowboys and Aliens" movie sure does go from soft to loud. I keep thinking it's over then getting my wits scared out of me by one last loud bang. Yeesh.
Failed to mention earlier the tlc I'm enjoying here in Signal Hill. It seems wrong to tender a laundry list, but the spirit of generosity bears frequent mention and heartfelt thanks.
I logged in to comment on a snippet from Marvin Minsky's 1985, "The Society of Mind". Wish I'd got this the same time I got "Frogs Into Princes". I might have had a very different career.
Minsky's 9.4 ENJOYING DISCOMFORT happens to touch on themes from last night, specifically the pain/pleasure versus the damage/nourish maps. I argue that the damage/nourish map is primal, that pain/pleasure is but a poor attempt to correlate experience with the first level. Seems to me, honestly, that this particular kind of reduction valve is a mistake, a variation not yet proved lethal but not long for any world. That's a terribly depressing thing to say at the best of times, but I have not for quite some time been willing to flex my 1st Amendment rights and actually say so lest someone weaker soul be shaken by my implacable nihilism. But it's not meant to be bleak. It always starts out sunny and flowery. It's only when too many words get on the bandwagon that things start to look institutional.
Am I still afraid of arrest? Jail? The mental hospital? What do I fear? Pain. Incapacity. Hurting others.
I will catch my share of grief, no doubt, for this particular practice, this bout of writing I've taken on for no other reason than it is good for me to write and good practice writing in this grey-zone.
From Minksy (but it sure sounds of Lovecraft to me):
It is the same for doing mathematics, climbing freezing mountain peaks, or playing pipe organs with one's feet: some parts of the mind find it horrible, while other parts enjoy forcing those first parts to work for them(emphasis in original)
I can't help thinking Grinder was familiar with Minsky and perhaps even this particular book when he, Grinder, did the "Turtles All the Way Down" lectures. It groks a lot alike to me.
Bedtime now. Beads first, of course. Blessings to all.
Tue Dec 6 21:19:18 PST 2011
Would you care to explain, who is the gaucho, amigo? Why is he standing...studs that match your eyes.
"Cowboys and Aliens" from my upstairs neighbor competes with Steely Dan here in my cube. He's got better speakers upstairs, but I've got you.
Divorce news: Gabriela called to let me know she's put in an alarm system (paid for by Alonso, no doubt) but that she's not arming it by day, so I can come in and get whatever I need from the house. I can only assume she is not yet reading this blog. Pity.
I mean, really, pity. I feel sorry for us both, but I am moving forward, trying to keep my nascent practice (and, not to put too fine a point on it, future happiness) beating and breathing. I don't know where she's at, but I can't think it's any place good, and that makes me really sad.
Anyway, I can't help hearing her voice mail in the context of seeing that Honda in our parking spot yesterday. I don't really know who belongs to that license plate, so I really can't say anything of much interest about anyone, not on this level of investigation.
Remember how scared George Bailey was of scandal? Bob Mattingly knew.
Yeah, that last sentence bugs a bit. Knew what? Says who? On what evidence? All I know for sure is I heard fourth or fifth hand that he killed himself rather than face the DCS investigation I instigated. Probably a police record somewhere, but does anyone really care enough to order copies? FOIA? Subpoena?
Sacrilege to some, but I'm really not that impressed with Michael McDonald on this disc. I mean, sure, he's got a more polished sound than Fagan, but so what? Fagan's an artist, he doesn't have to sound any one flavor of "good" at any particular time. But McDonald? Meh.
It's odd, true, this grey-zone private public venue, trying to find a voice and level of disclosure (and cryptology) proper for things that are either undeniably fiction or undeniably public knowledge. While we're making more noise than we should, can I ask again how anyone who ever heard the word "kamikaze" was surprised to see planes used as weapons? I know, that's arguably a "tripping balls" observation, but that just means it needs cut-and-paste to the proper context. Oroborous groks, you can be sure.
Tue Dec 6 07:27:27 PST 2011
This is one of those, "If I don't get back to it today, at least I've put up a post." I'm never really happy with that kind of "letter of the law" approach to things, but there it is. I've a wide open day, beyond laundry I'm not sure where I'll end up today (although "Drinking Liberally" in Pasadena looks as good as ever for a Tuesday night).
Mostly I'm just tired. It's a pain in the ass, living on Mum's floor, trying to make something resembling a minimalist office in her garage, trying to keep enough on my plate to keep me from going crazy thinking about the mess Gabby is making of our lives. Well, my life. She seems to be sitting pretty in our new home.
I drove by Ms. Phillips' house last night shortly before 20:00. She wasn't there, the lights were out, the trash cans were waiting at the curb for someone to take them in. I could convince myself the place was slightly neglected, as if Ms. Phillips were staying out of town, but it could just be that she was working late and hadn't made it home yet. I suppose my greatest fear was that I would see Gabby's Jeep in the driveway or some such.
Well, time to get moving, shower, laundry, coffee, more or less in reverse order.
Mon Dec 5 23:08:35 PST 2011
Really makes me feel vindicated for my notions about the would-be "Socratic" method as portrayed by Houseman in "The Paper Chase". It's about dominance. Okay. But, really, so fucking what? I said decades ago that Robbins' success owed as much to acromegaly as to any skill set known to man or Gods. That is to say, I know how much the "chemistry set" and "primates" talk is and isn't good for. This show is carried by one thing, Maggie Gyllenhall's flawless, amazing, incomparable face. 'Swhy some shorter folk fence low-line.
Nice Natalie Merchant placement for the bath.
Okay, yes, I admit, that's the kind of lover I try to be, minus the creepy factor that comes from anything this celebrated. I don't like being accused of creepy, but if my Queen was pleased I would care not what was said about me by any other.
Anyway, even with Spader, hell, it could've been anyone, I'd have hated him for getting closer to her than I ever could. But, then, I would have my Queen for myself, aye?
Okay, she put a big ass cockroach in his bed. Eeww! Fade to black? Credits? Jesus, no, aaahhhhhh.
Well, I've seen the end now. Sleepy time. More sublimations anon or even on the morrow. Out.
Mon Dec 5 22:27:48 PST 2011
Part of the trouble, of course, is I really am still trying to live up to my part of the bargain, of the wedding vows, of the two times I married her. At the same time I'm juggling all the interests to which I am beholden in a fiduciary capacity. Add to the balls in the air my seeming obsession with a long dormant book project for which I fear I will have clearance issues with both friend and foe alike. And I have to keep my individual clients' interests ahead of my own, at least to the extent required by law and probably a whole lot more spiritually. All of which is to say, I married her, twice, got sworn in to practice law, and life was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be a man instead of a pacifier. Turns out she really prefers the pacifier. If so, I really can't do much about it, except try to handle my self and my affairs in a manner that would earn Hippocrates' approval and, where consistent with said approval, brighten the corner where I live as best I can.
Part of that includes writing. I have taken on the practice, for at least the season, of plain old blogging. It's ugly, it's stream of consciousness, it's hastily edited on the fly for disclosures and improprieties while at the same time diving deep into the experimental and decidedly NSFW unless you've got a booth at the Convention Center on the 9th. (And, ahem, if you do, I can fold chairs, sweep, whatever, this side of jizz-mopping. See email addy above.)
Mon Dec 5 22:01:42 PST 2011
Can't seem to get off the movie, which I just almost might finish tonight. She's putting an earthworm into a letter, which puts as at just barely past the self-spanking attempt. This movie is way too fucking hot.
And I know Katie'll hate this flick. Maggie's not only humping a dude instead of a gal, she's listening to Cake! "Ick!" says Katie. Trust me.
For me, 'though, it's the "Carousel" angle. I dissed that classic really hard, not just for having Mrs. Partridge in it, but for being apologist for domestic violence. So too for "Secretary", one would think, but, no, somehow it's different. It's real true but just fake enough to support my "take the good with the bad" approach, but just also enough of a howto for, well, reluctance and abuse, that maybe I'm a bit wiggy on it. But...
The notions proffered on the "coming out" tape came close, but queered some important distinctions. We avoid that which damages, we approach that which nourishes. Pain and pleasure are proto-symbolic overlays on the primal damage-nourish line. Damage-nourish will always trump pleasure-pain...in time. In time the unavoidable statistical relationship of pain to damage takes it's toll, like the dealer standing on 16. So the "coming out" is predicated on a "needing to be in" for a syndrome itself but a by-product of not properly parsing the layers of the map.
Point being, then, that as mind-blowingly hot as this flick is, they are attempting art, not porn, and I say they get the gold star, certainly far more so than that terrible Madonna and Christ (get it, "Last Temptation..." and "Material Girl"?).
I find it odd that I identify with any guy that might possible get it on with Maggie, in any lighting, at any distance. "I told you, I'm not going to fuck you", in Spader's perfectly sepulchral best, earning a top shot at voicing the Vision on whatever terms he wants.
I was right to never really think twice about Paris Hilton's sex tapes, but, honestly, Maggie's done true, true art. It's what Smith wishes "Zack and Miri..." had been.
Mon Dec 5 21:49:24 PST 2011
"The lock can come off of the cabinet now." No, not Lovecraft, not even by way of the Darko Worm Tunnel of celebrity. "Secretary". Maggie. Yum.
Gonna let this entry run for a bit, makes me feel like I'm fudging my time stamp. I oughtta be able to run a single post to ten minutes, shouldn't I? Or must this all be at that "snow falling from bamboo" at all times?
I thought the carrot and sidle was a bit over the top. But I haven't yet finished the damned flick, and it's just good enough so far as to maybe not be gratuitous but, rather, foreshadowing.
I sure dig Lee's dreams, 'cept for the dufus. Put that picture face down boys!
Mon Dec 5 21:41:07 PST 2011
So what _is_ going on with the sewing kit and the band aids? Best ever filmed but uncredited Ericksonian work? Close second to Heinlein's "Cat on the Sill" therapy story? "Why do you cut yourself, Lee?"
Truth is, I normally couldn't bear this film. I normally draw the line at bloodshed, which makes flicks about cutters a little more than statistically normal taboo.
Does the Cryptographer's Daughter grok the contextualized significance of the type of typewriter? Not font, but manufacturer? It was banned because the ball always returned to a measurable "home".
But folks don't think twice about interface reporters. Grokking Oroborous! Spanking Good, eh?! "Get your face close to the letter, and then read it aloud."
Mon Dec 5 21:33:34 PST 2011
Ouroborous Groks "Secretary" as "My Fair Lady", with a slightly pared down cast.
Mon Dec 5 12:03:42 PST 2011
Is Katie Phillips Staying in Monrovia?
Rumor has it a silver Honda with California license plate number 4HAV807 was seen this morning at 151 Acacia (parked in the center of the pad where neither lease signatory was typically allowed to park when both were ostensibly still domiciled there).
This sighting, of course, comes on the heels of conversations over the previous week in which Ms. Perezmartinez was strongly encouraged to stop prancing around and serve me already, another in which she said, "You know you can get your things any time", and a Monday morning visit to my service of process address where I confirmed a) I am not the only attorney for whom they provide such services, b) they are aware that the terms of the contract only require them to notify me if I no longer have an active business relationship with them.
Helicopter overhead. What with the streets all still being blown up by the wind storm last week, I reckon folks are more jumpy about them than usual. But this close to the Pasadena PD one would expect to hear them pretty often.
I was on the phone with Shawn Holt when I spotted Katie's car at my place. Gabby seems to be making the most out of her narrative that she has kicked me out for various and sundry reasons, but the fact remains that it was I who left her, intending it only for the night or maybe not even that long if she calmed down and came to her senses in time. I left after hearing her work herself up to the point where she said, "And the _worst_ part? *You*Locked*The*Door!*" That's when I decided the chance of one of us goading the other into something bad was such that we were both better served by my beating as hasty and smooth a retreat as could be effectuated. I grabbed my computer bag and my car keys. Been living like a nomad ever since. That's three weeks tomorrow night? Earliest date of separation she can factually support, especially in light of the new rental and continued therapy, is November 15.
Last I heard Alonso was slated to leave December 15.
By my best recollection Ms. Perezmartinez's next "PMS Week" should begin on or about December 10, menses on or about December 17, and thus have a window of relative sanity on or about December 24. Merry fucking Christmas. (And Happy Anniversary, Robert and Terry).
Out.
Sun Dec 4 07:06:16 PST 2011
I can't help wondering in a weird way if Gabby's flip out was also related to the breaking Penn State story, which seemed to crest right in time with my re-kindling of the "What's Not to Like" project. Between her personal issues and general family feelings about songbirds I can see why that might add fuel to her fire.
Something I've said to a fair few people is that I also dig, given how hard Gabriela has been working on her issues, truly, substantively, genuinely working on those issues in both private and couple's therapy, living in a house with all my books on hypnosis and con jobs and LSD and the rest must really stir up her many, many personal demons. Having said it as often as I have I thought it best to put it here too.
Sun Dec 4 06:19:29 PST 2011
A beautiful if slightly chilly Sunday morning in Laguna. Perhaps I can get a better entry now than yesterday.
I am visiting with my good friends Mike and Deb Skerly. I've known Mike for going on 20 years, and Deb for about as long as they've been together, which is over a decade. They've had their ups and downs, business-wise, but have always managed a standard of living most would envy. Add to that the way they seem to work so well together and the envy factor goes up considerably. They're good people and good friends, sad about how things are going with Gabriela, but firm in their support of whatever is actually best for me, while still wishing only the best for her.
So anxious to get a better writing session in that I failed to do my beads before getting started. Will remedy that now...
Sat Dec 3 22:23:49 PST 2011
Yesterday I suggested daily writing. This won't publish until tomorrow most likely, but I'm writing. Watching "Secretary", with Maggie something-hal. I think she is her generation and gender's Alec Guinness. See the film.
Fri Dec 2 06:50:44 PST 2011
Sometime towards the end of the 20th century I lost my wife. I had been at the time in the habit of journaling, and I was working on a book length writing project dealing with molestation issues, and one section of that work included a consensual encounter between a young man barely seventeen and a family friend pushing thirty. To help with the tone of this section I was, in my journal, practicing how to write "racy", and to that end was very open and disclosing about certain fantasies I had regarding certain women. I never acted on those fantasies, never came close, nor tried. It was sufficient to fantasize. But while I was away on work my then wife, now deceased, read that journal. She claimed the notebook fell to the floor, open, when our cat, spooked by a thunder storm, went careening over my desk, and I tended to accept that at face value, which, on typing this sentence, begins to look a little stupid of me.
So my departed 2nd wife read my journal, and all hell broke loose. I hadn't known about her jealous tendencies, but I learned. I learned that I would not be able to network or sell because she was deathly afraid some woman I met while marketing myself as a hypnotist would steal me away from her.
I wonder now how much of that same vibration I missed in Gabriela. It manifest first and foremost in a jealousy of my friend and paralegal, but I recall now how jealous she was of my coworkers when we met, especially the ones I was friendliest with. I admit, I often find myself on better terms with my women co-workers than with my men co-workers. Women rarely require me to pretend to know or care about sports, which is explanation enough. I understand how that adds fuel to any jealousy fire that might already be smoldering in someone's heart.
None of which was on my mind when I opened this entry, but as Ms. Sher points out, one never knows what one will write until one is writing it, and that discovery process is a feature, not a bug. What was on my mind when I started up the computer is that I am not accustomed to writing with filters or self-censoring. But, as I ease into my second year of practice as a lawyer, I am coming to grips with the reality that something can be said candidly in a venue like this, other things must only be spoken of in code, and still others simply must never be said at all. I can only write, especially here, with a clear understanding that I must submit to a level of restraint which seems at odds with the full and open disclosure with which I used to journal. As Ms. West once said, "Keep a diary, and one day it will keep you".
How do I square that with a season's practice of writing? I'm not sure, but I know that the incident with my deceased wife reading my notebook left me unwilling even to journal, and so writing here with constraints seems a better bet than letting go my writing.
Fri Dec 2 00:10:57 PST 2011
Okay, that's two out of three. But my non-practice email is holding me up a bit. Small price to pay to read it in mutt.
Fri Dec 2 00:00:47 PST 2011
- post to blog
- check practice email
- all calls returned by first-starlight
Thu Dec 1 23:40:30 PST 2011
T'ell the truth, it sometimes felt like she was saying, "Law or me!" just like she did with pot back in aught-three. Not that she ever said any such thing (about law). But everything seemed like a steel-cage death match with that woman, even obvious things like marketing and referral service costs. Still, I think the practice is in the black for its first year, My soon to be Ex wife's best efforts to the contrary notwithstanding.
Thu Dec 1 22:54:01 PST 2011
I should probably point out that I"m adding question marks to the validation links. It has been quite some time since I took the time to correct all those errors. Usually easier to just mothball the project and start fresh.
In other news, fate has arranged for me to up late enough to make tomorrow's post in about 66 minutes...
Thu Dec 1 22:48:55 PST 2011
I think the resolution for the Winter will be daily writing in addition to my current dailies. Might as well start now.
As of about 10:30 this morning I am no longer a "newly minted" attorney. I have graduated to "newish". And my wife is divorcing me.
Yeah, that's a little heavy. If you didn't know before, apologies for the surprise. I'm blogging my divorce. I got here first. "One - nuthin'!"
Sat Nov 12 00:53:33 EST 2011
Cannot at this time find:
%22the+cuy+cuy+chair%22
Not that I think anyone ever thought to look there before night before last. h/t AP, fils.
Thu Nov 10 23:23:28 PST 2011
"I know, you ask yourself, how could this possible be easier?
And there are good, plausible, credible answers, if ease were the
criterion. Ease is a-but-not-the criterion, the never ending sєarch for
wisdom in spite of ourselves being also on the list."
-- from the forthcoming
Oblio's Cap
Mon Nov 7 21:05:19 PST 2011
Ouroborous is the Serpent Phoenix.
-- from the forthcoming Oblio's Cap
Fri Nov 4 05:07:14 PDT 2011
tweeted last night:
Ourorobous groks -- from the forthcoming Oblio's Cap
Mon Oct 31 01:04:29 EDT 2011
Top Rated Reading:
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This license does not include: (a) access to the Service by Posting Agents; or (b) any collection, aggregation, copying, duplication, display or derivative use of the Service nor any use of data mining, robots, spiders, or similar data gathering and extraction tools for any purpose unless expressly permitted by craigslist. A limited exception to (b) is provided to general purpose internet search engines and non-commercial public archives that use such tools to gather information for the sole purpose of displaying hyperlinks to the Service, provided they each do so from a stable IP address or range of IP addresses using an easily identifiable agent and comply with our robots.txt file. "General purpose internet search engine" does not include a website or search engine or other service that specializes in classified listings or in any subset of classifieds listings such as jobs, housing, for sale, services, or personals, or which is in the business of providing classified ad listing services. craigslist permits you to display on your website, or create a hyperlink on your website to, individual postings on the Service so long as such use is for noncommercial and/or news reporting purposes only (e.g., for use in personal web blogs or personal online media). If the total number of such postings displayed or linked to on your website exceeds one hundred (100) postings, your use will be presumed to be in violation of the TOU, absent express permission granted by craigslist to do so. You may also create a hyperlink to the home page of craigslist sites so long as the link does not portray craigslist, its employees, or its affiliates in a false, misleading, derogatory, or otherwise offensive matter. craigslist offers various parts of the Service in RSS format so that users can embed individual feeds into a personal website or blog, or view postings through third party software news aggregators. craigslist permits you to display, excerpt from, and link to the RSS feeds on your personal website or personal web blog, provided that (a) your use of the RSS feed is for personal, non-commercial purposes only, (b) each title is correctly linked back to the original post on the Service and redirects the user to the post when the user clicks on it, (c) you provide, adjacent to the RSS feed, proper attribution to 'craigslist' as the source, (d) your use or display does not suggest that craigslist promotes or endorses any third party causes, ideas, web sites, products or services, (e) you do not redistribute the RSS feed, and (f) your use does not overburden craigslist's systems. craigslist reserves all rights in the content of the RSS feeds and may terminate any RSS feed at any time. Use of the Service beyond the scope of authorized access granted to you by craigslist immediately terminates said permission or license. In order to collect, aggregate, copy, duplicate, display or make derivative use of the the Service or any Content made available via the Service for other purposes (including commercial purposes) not stated herein, you must first obtain a license from craigslist. 13. TERMINATION OF SERVICE You agree that craigslist, in its sole discretion, has the right (but not the obligation) to delete or deactivate your account, block your email or IP address, or otherwise terminate your access to or use of the Service (or any part thereof), immediately and without notice, and remove and discard any Content within the Service, for any reason, including, without limitation, if craigslist believes that you have acted inconsistently with the letter or spirit of the TOU. Further, you agree that craigslist shall not be liable to you or any third-party for any termination of your access to the Service. Further, you agree not to attempt to use the Service after said termination. Sections 2, 4, 6 and 10-16 shall survive termination of the TOU. 14. PROPRIETARY RIGHTS The Service is protected to the maximum extent permitted by copyright laws and international treaties. Content displayed on or through the Service is protected by copyright as a collective work and/or compilation, pursuant to copyrights laws, and international conventions. Any reproduction, modification, creation of derivative works from or redistribution of the site or the collective work, and/or copying or reproducing the sites or any portion thereof to any other server or location for further reproduction or redistribution is prohibited without the express written consent of craigslist. You further agree not to reproduce, duplicate or copy Content from the Service without the express written consent of craigslist, and agree to abide by any and all copyright notices displayed on the Service. You may not decompile or disassemble, reverse engineer or otherwise attempt to discover any source code contained in the Service. Without limiting the foregoing, you agree not to reproduce, duplicate, copy, sell, resell or exploit for any commercial purposes, any aspect of the Service. CRAIGSLIST is a registered mark in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Although craigslist does not claim ownership of content that its users post, by posting Content to any public area of the Service, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to craigslist an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, fully paid, worldwide license to use, copy, perform, display, and distribute said Content and to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, said Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses (through multiple tiers) of the foregoing. Furthermore, by posting Content to any public area of the Service, you automatically grant craigslist all rights necessary to prohibit any subsequent aggregation, display, copying, duplication, reproduction, or exploitation of the Content on the Service by any party for any purpose. 15. DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES YOU AGREE THAT USE OF THE CRAIGSLIST SITE AND THE SERVICE IS ENTIRELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE CRAIGSLIST SITE AND THE SERVICE ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" OR "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS, WITHOUT ANY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND. ALL EXPRESS AND IMPLIED WARRANTIES, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT OF PROPRIETARY RIGHTS ARE EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW. TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, CRAIGSLIST DISCLAIMS ANY WARRANTIES FOR THE SECURITY, RELIABILITY, TIMELINESS, ACCURACY, AND PERFORMANCE OF THE CRAIGSLIST SITE AND THE SERVICE. TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, CRAIGSLIST DISCLAIMS ANY WARRANTIES FOR OTHER SERVICES OR GOODS RECEIVED THROUGH OR ADVERTISED ON THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SITES OR SERVICE, OR ACCESSED THROUGH ANY LINKS ON THE CRAIGSLIST SITE. TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, CRAIGSLIST DISCLAIMS ANY WARRANTIES FOR VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL COMPONENTS IN CONNECTION WITH THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE. Some jurisdictions do not allow the disclaimer of implied warranties. In such jurisdictions, some of the foregoing disclaimers may not apply to you insofar as they relate to implied warranties. 16. LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL CRAIGSLIST BE LIABLE FOR DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES (EVEN IF CRAIGSLIST HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES), RESULTING FROM ANY ASPECT OF YOUR USE OF THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE, WHETHER THE DAMAGES ARISE FROM USE OR MISUSE OF THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE, FROM INABILITY TO USE THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE, OR THE INTERRUPTION, SUSPENSION, MODIFICATION, ALTERATION, OR TERMINATION OF THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE. SUCH LIMITATION SHALL ALSO APPLY WITH RESPECT TO DAMAGES INCURRED BY REASON OF OTHER SERVICES OR PRODUCTS RECEIVED THROUGH OR ADVERTISED IN CONNECTION WITH THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE OR ANY LINKS ON THE CRAIGSLIST SITE, AS WELL AS BY REASON OF ANY INFORMATION OR ADVICE RECEIVED THROUGH OR ADVERTISED IN CONNECTION WITH THE CRAIGSLIST SITE OR THE SERVICE OR ANY LINKS ON THE CRAIGSLIST SITE. THESE LIMITATIONS SHALL APPLY TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW. In some jurisdictions, limitations of liability are not permitted. In such jurisdictions, some of the foregoing limitation may not apply to you. 17. INDEMNITY You agree to indemnify and hold craigslist, its officers, subsidiaries, affiliates, successors, assigns, directors, officers, agents, service providers, suppliers and employees, harmless from any claim or demand, including reasonable attorney fees and court costs, made by any third party due to or arising out of Content you submit, post or make available through the Service, your use of the Service, your violation of the TOU, your breach of any of the representations and warranties herein, or your violation of any rights of another. 18. GENERAL INFORMATION The TOU constitute the entire agreement between you and craigslist and govern your use of the Service, superceding any prior agreements between you and craigslist. The TOU and the relationship between you and craigslist shall be governed by the laws of the State of California without regard to its conflict of law provisions. You and craigslist agree to submit to the personal and exclusive jurisdiction of the courts located within the county of San Francisco, California. The failure of craigslist to exercise or enforce any right or provision of the TOU shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. If any provision of the TOU is found by a court of competent jurisdiction to be invalid, the parties nevertheless agree that the court should endeavor to give effect to the parties' intentions as reflected in the provision, and the other provisions of the TOU remain in full force and effect. You agree that regardless of any statute or law to the contrary, any claim or cause of action arising out of or related to use of the Service or the TOU must be filed within one (1) year after such claim or cause of action arose or be forever barred. 19. VIOLATION OF TERMS AND LIQUIDATED DAMAGES Please report any violations of the TOU, by flagging the posting(s) for review, or by emailing to: abuse@craigslist.org Our failure to act with respect to a breach by you or others does not waive our right to act with respect to subsequent or similar breaches. You understand and agree that, because damages are often difficult to quantify, if it becomes necessary for craigslist to pursue legal action to enforce these Terms, you will be liable to pay craigslist the following amounts as liquidated damages, which you accept as reasonable estimates of craigslists' damages for the specified breaches of these Terms: a. If you post a message that (1) impersonates any person or entity; (2) falsely states or otherwise misrepresents your affiliation with a person or entity; or (3) that includes personal or identifying information about another person without that person's explicit consent, you agree to pay craigslist one thousand dollars ($1,000) for each such message. This provision does not apply to Content that constitutes lawful non-deceptive parody of public figures. b. If craigslist establishes limits on the frequency with which you may access the Service, or terminates your access to or use of the Service, you agree to pay craigslist one hundred dollars ($100) for each message posted in excess of such limits or for each day on which you access craigslist in excess of such limits, whichever is higher. c. If you send unsolicited email advertisements to craigslist email addresses or through craigslist computer systems, you agree to pay craigslist twenty five dollars ($25) for each such email. d. If you post Content in violation of the TOU, other than as described above, you agree to pay craigslist one hundred dollars ($100) for each Item of Content posted. In its sole discretion, craigslist may elect to issue a warning before assessing damages. e. If you are a Posting Agent that uses the Service in violation of the TOU, in addition to any liquidated damages under clause (d), you agree to pay craigslist one hundred dollars ($100) for each and every Item you post in violation of the TOU. A Posting Agent will also be deemed an agent of the party engaging the Posting Agent to access the Service (the "Principal"), and the Principal (by engaging the Posting Agent in violation of the TOU) agrees to pay craigslist an additional one hundred dollars ($100) for each Item posted by the Posting Agent on behalf of the Principal in violation of the TOU. f. If you aggregate, display, copy, duplicate, reproduce, or otherwise exploit for any purpose any Content (except for your own Content) in violation of these Terms without craigslist's express written permission, you agree to pay craigslist three thousand dollars ($3,000) for each day on which you engage in such conduct. Otherwise, you agree to pay craigslist's actual damages, to the extent such actual damages can be reasonably calculated. Notwithstanding any other provision of these Terms, craigslist retains the right to seek the remedy of specific performance of any term contained in these Terms, or a preliminary or permanent injunction against the breach of any such term or in aid of the exercise of any power granted in these Terms, or any combination thereof. 20. FEEDBACK We welcome your questions and comments on this document in the craigslist feedback forum: http://forums.craigslist.org/?forumID=8
Thu Jul 29 23:23:53 EDT 2010I like it better already. Probably convert semanticrestructuring.com to wordpress before long, and have already decided netlaw.robertlink.org is where I really should be putting my energy.